Hi everyone.
So this week has been the first time I've been significantly out of my social comfort zone since discovering that it's very likely I have AS.
The first was Thursday, when I went to an open mic night. I love playing music and I used to do a lot of these, but always with the same people. This is the first I've found since I moved here a few years back and I knew no one. Everyone was really nice, but after initial introductions I found myself frantically searching for something to say or ask, rather than blend into the furniture in the corner. Later on I did talk to someone a bit more, but realised halfway through telling an anecdote that it was completely irrelevant to them and chances are they probably didn't really care.
Then today I was at a kids birthday party that my daughter had been invited to. Again everyone was really nice, but I just had this fear of 'what if someone talks to me and asks me something?' And all the noise and activity from the kids playing. Even just nervousness at asking the person serving drinks for a drink.
It's not that these aren't experiences I've had hundreds of times before, it's that since my revelation about AS, everything has been examining the past through the new viewpoint of the condition. These have been the first times I've had significant difficulties in a situation and known, whilst it was happening, WHY I was having the difficulties.
It's got me down to be honest, not sure why. Maybe because so much had started to make more sense that a part of me thought everything would be better now and of course it's not - it's exactly the same.
Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it this far and hope you've all had a good weekend.
24 Apr 2016, 7:02 pm
