Am I an Aspie?

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Hi everyone. If you could please read this post and tell me if you think I may have a chance of getting an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis I'd be appreciative. I know many say this should be taken with a grain of salt, but for the aspie quiz on rdos.net I scored 188 of 200 for neuro diverse and I believe 22 for neurotypical if that helps at all. Anyway, here it is:

Social Interactions: I have a mental catalog which I flip through for every social interaction and get stuck when the conversation deviates from the "scripts" I've created. I noticed that rather than innately recognizing facial expressions, I've memorized them. I've just had to figure them out so often the process of going through memories to try to find which expression matches which emotion (ex, taking from times those I know have made a face and told me after the feeling they were having) I hadn't noticed. Also, I am extremely literal. I had to go to a speech therapist in grade 1 and I recall her asking if I was pulling her leg because of something I said. I looked under the desk to our feet, looked back up in bewilderment and said "that wasn't me". I didn't realize what she'd really meant until I went home and asked my mom why the woman thought I was grabbing her leg, afraid I'd get in trouble for harassing a SLP. I have such difficulty with understanding people for this reason. I could provide hundreds of examples of me taking things literally and people laughing at me for it. It really hinders interactions and I hate when people treat me like I'm a fool for not understanding their phrases/sayings/whatever. I recently missed a class because the professor said she was out sick (which I guess was a joke?) so I didn't show up, only to discover I'd missed important information.

I had very few friends while growing up and the ones I had in school didn't want to see me outside school grounds. I was teased a lot for being different. I got really into Harry Potter and really started to believe Harry and his friends were MY friends too. It was so much easier to create these imaginary friendships instead of real ones where I was constantly making mistakes and getting rejected. I have a flat affect as well. Especially as a teenager other girls would call me a b***h or stuck up because I wouldn't remember I'm supposed to smile, or when I tried to it looked fake. I've been dubbed an ice queen by many because I get overwhelmed by highly emotional situations and tend to shrink away because I don't know what to do to fix it.

Special interests: When I was young, I could not get enough of ancient Egypt and archaeology. From the time I was about 7 until about 12 I would read everything about those topics I could get my hands on. Also, I would read directly out of encyclopedias and dictionaries as though they were novels. I didn't realize this wasn't a common activity until recently. I have several interests now, one being psychology and the other being...um, how to pass as neurotypical. I pour over websites on how to dress, act, talk, anything and make lists, try to memorize and practice what I find. This is how I've created many social scripts. My special interests tend to keep me up very late and I'll try to hide my phone screen when I'm in bed with my husband and supposed to be sleeping. He gets angry about me doing this so late, but pursuing my interests puts me at ease and helps me to wind down from stressful days.

Sensory processing difficulties: I've had many meltdowns, and by God do they get ugly. When I was young (up through maybe 11) I would sometimes get nonverbal when I was very upset and only respond with a high pitched grunt. It wasn't uncommon for me to become violent towards my family members and myself. I still have to stop myself from banging my head off walls, tables, any hard surface really when I am feeling like I'm having a meltdown. They usually happen when I've had to interact with people a long time, interact with especially difficult people, or have sensory overload (noises, husband trying to touch me when I can't handle tactile input, things like that). It's very scary, like a blackout almost. It's too often violent, but it can also me curling up on the ground rocking vigorously back and forth and trying to smooth myself by talking quietly. During tests I can never focus. The sounds of people sighing, tapping their pencils, writing, shuffling papers, the sound from the lights, the professor walking around...all that destroys my focus and I end up covering my ears and rocking (which is NOT appropriate). I've even caught myself hitting my head off the desk when I was particularly frustrated about being unable to focus due to the noises.


Executive function: Mine is abysmal. I have very poor working memory and have very poor ability to take notes because I can never tell what part of lecture is important. Every aspect of EF is very poor, however those seem to impact me most.

I'm sorry for such a monster of a post. I guess what I want to know is, does it seem I am likely on the spectrum? I truly believe there's a good chance, but I'd like the opinion of others. And also, how can I go about getting a diagnosis? I know American women (I'm 25) have a horrendous time getting a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder due to ignorance regarding how it presents in women (especially adult women who have learned to act more neurotypical). I am afraid a psychologist will disregard my concerns the minute I walk through the door. I want a diagnosis because the difficulties I associate with autism are creating such hardships in my life and I don't know how I will be successful if I don't receive help or possibly accommodations (particularly for my auditory sensitivities).

I would think you have Asperger's. Pursue a DX if you think it would help you .

Remember that the tests are an indicator. Depending on where you are, getting a diagnosis could be tricky. There are organizations like GRASP.Org that may be able to help you.

It will be easier for you to detail things at your age than at later ages. Youth is on your side. With what you describe, I would check into it.

Self diagnosis is only good for establishing a base point of exploration. You have to decide where and how to pursue this.

I know it's been a bit of an eye opener to get a Dx. They reinforced the areas I had identified. They also identified areas that I was completely blind to.

It would help if you had a rich family--there is now a autism center in Central Connecticut that will likely become a center of excellence for those that can afford it.

Thank you for your responses. I'm sure this forum gets an extraordinary amount of "am I on the spectrum?" questions and I appreciate you all taking the time to give me your insights. I think I just really wanted guidance in pursuing a diagnosis. I began to suspect I might have ASD a while ago and went to a school counselor hoping to get a referral or some sort of next step advise. When I confided in the counselor she laughed at me and said I'm socially awkward and strange, not autistic. I feel most psychologists will have the same reaction because I'm an adult woman, not a nonverbal nine year old boy who has a special interest in trains.

Unfortunately, I am in no way wealthy ha. To get a diagnosis I believe I will have to go to a psychologist who does not specialize in adult autism diagnoses. So I guess my question is, how do I make the therapist/psycologist/whoever hear my concerns without disregarding me automatically, as many seem to do?

Jesus, I didn't even have to read all the way through your post, or be an expert -- those symptoms are classic. I suggest you take the AQ test online, it's used in referrals, the standard being that if you score 26 or above you should evaluated. Then, take the RAADS-R, a diagnostic instrument for ASD. The threshold there is 65 -- above that, and it will recommend evaluation. These are both professional instruments, and if you have high scores on them you're likely to be taken seriously even by medical professionals who don't know much about ASD. I don't know what kind of insurance coverage you have, but if it covers specialists without a referral, see a psychologist and if not, show the data to your MD so that he can refer you. You might then be referred on to a specialist for the final diagnosis. If you don't have insurance coverage, I'd go directly to a clinical psychologist, a visit will cost you less.

You can also take the Aspie Quiz, it's not a professional instrument but it's an informative online test that helps you determine how neurotypical you are or aren't, and where you depart from neurotypicality.

http://www.wired.com/2001/12/aqtest/
http://www.aspietests.org/raads/
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

I received a total score of 213 on the RAADS-R and an Autism Spectrum Quotient score of 42. I hadn't thought about bringing these in though, thank you for the suggestion. I have an appointment with my new primary care physician tomorrow and will bring printed copies of the results. I'm hoping he will be able to refer me to someone who may be able to help me to obtain a diagnosis. If not, I can self-refer to psychologists. However, I don't believe any psychologists within my insurance network specialize in ASD, let alone adult autism diagnoses.

Do you have any suggestions for ensuring my concerns will not be disregarded? I feel I've become such a good actress, especially when I'm around someone for a short duration, many would scoff and brush me off as soon as I bring up the possibility of being on the autism spectrum.

Take any information you can think of. They will sort through it. The better prepared the better you are.

Nuts, Wrong Planet ate my reply and now I have to go to bed. But very briefly, I agree with zkydz. Take your test scores and related information -- cutoff scores (65 and 26), maybe the main research papers on the tests. That will distinguish you from the patient who "read something on the Internet." I think you'll find that most doctors will take you seriously if you provide them with that kind of information.

Your insurance company may be required by the contract to go out of network for services that can't be provided in network. But that would of course require a referral from a physician or psychologist and insurance company approval.

With your description and scores, I don't think you'll have any trouble getting a positive diagnosis once you see the right person. They well understand that Aspies learn to compensate over the years.

(By the way, in case it helps, I broached my test scores with my psychologist a couple of days ago, and she took them seriously.)