this douctumrey was done about me

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FILMAKERS LIBRARY
Psychology
Nowhere You Are for more films on Psychology
A film by Justin Crane


Nowhere You Are is one of the first documentaries to portray "high functioning autism". By observing the daily life of Stefanie an autistic young woman, one gains insight into her often confounding condition. Nowhere You Are is the title of a poem Stefanie write, expressing her alienation from others. She describes life as "walking through a rainbow haze." Her poetry and haunting artwork express these feelings.
High functioning autism has begun to be understood only in the past decade. The symptoms are subtle though pervasive – the most striking characteristics are an inability to feel complex emotions or to understand intuitively the feelings of others. Yet those with this disorder are often very intelligent and able to succeed at a variety of jobs: Stefanie works at a day care center.
Only within the past year did Stefanie emerge from her isolation to communicate to others. Through Stefanie’s example, viewers are sensitized to the autistic person’s challenge to engage in life without having experienced "normal" emotions, or having achieved a sense of identity.

33 min. Video. Sale $295. Rental $55.

"Recommended for health sciences programs, particularly collections focusing on autism."
Educational Media Reviews Online


American Association on Mental Retardation, 2002
Western Psychological Association, 2002
Western Psychological Association, 2002
Hot Docs, Toronto, 2001
New England Film & Video Festival, 2001
Aspergers Association Conference of New England, 2000



Filmakers Library
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Phone 212-808-4980, fax 212-808-4983
e-mail: [email protected]

For me to futher probe you material
I need some facts about you, Auttie34.

I am Ghosthunter, age 39, I spent a lifetime
not being able to communicate externally
my complexity of thought. This is why I
find myself alone in the world.

The stages of my life...
Ages 1-6, deaf by accident in car, and special
schools for recovering my hearing and speech.
This is a quote from my Grandmother,
"You didn't talk, you just played in corners
by yourself, YOU JUST DIDN'T TALK"

Ages 6-17, not able to learn properly
in mainstream schools. It would be through
pictures, then words that by age 29-31 I would
teach myself and get good scores on a G.E.D.

Abused by others was common because when
I tried to communicate, it is how I think, and
that is why it complexed people.

"The loss of my computer this weekend without
a backup is like cutting out my tongue"

I have been homeless and lost most of my life.
I can bloosom from within, but not express it
to your understanding(too many pictorial, and
words to explain my minds complexity)

It was when I was outed out of my ignorance
of autism and then I was able to bloosom, and
that is mainly due to wrongplanet.

I have had a odd and weird journey in the
sexual intensity world. I have the fire and
drive that attracted those brave, and
scared those who weren't able to penetrate
the scarry energies around me, as well
as the complex mind behind this silent
tongue that talks to you behind this computer.

I have been silent after my last relationship
of fire and water and this lasted 10 years.

from 2000-2005 I was without this fire, and
lost in a lost world, silent until I was outed

outed out of ignorance of autism and found this
firey tongue and mind again.

God Bless! Goddess Bless!
Ghosthunter

For me to express further I need some background
input from you Auttie34. Hmmmmm?

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter.

my mom said at 6 month the pedatrin said something was wrong with me ,i didnt sleep first 2 years at night rocking screaming head banging my mom said at 6 month i had hand flapping .i dont rember alot way early on becuse of my language dealy speech helps us to make memoreys .my dad said i was echoilc till almost age 7 i have severe learing disbilyt mild heaing loos on top of autism .im not working now .it only works as long as there one on one help cat work indapently .still live at home just turend 39 .they said on my last autism test past year i scored at leavel of 18 year old lower in other areas .i dont no any that im happy being me and i been getting help for so long and still do i dont know anything else .went to 2 diff sped ed school was mainstreamd for a litte bit but never should have been my mom allways had to take me for out side help .the coumpter the best thing that ever happen i can experess myself way better and write to .my parents think it great becuse on the long list of what they were told i never be able to do or learn .computer was on list .in my sped school i was in all low f class .i didnt become hf till my 20s .i dont know if this is what you wanted or not

very interesting, autti34

Hmmm?





I am proud of your bravery and skill development.
I see that LFA and later HFA were your life's path.
This better inables me to understand you as if
equally if you looked at my earlier posts.

I say whole heartedly .....WELCOME TO
WRONGPLANET and may it bloosom you.
I will check out this film

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter!

Ghosthunter, what she means by low F classes is not LFA classes. Mainstream schools usually have different classes at different levels. Do well in one year, they will usually put you into a high-level class, where you will progress further than people who did bad. Do bad, ie get an F, and they will stick you in the low class.
Ghosthunter, I did not realize you were deaf. What age did you lose your hearing? Was this before or after the age of your delay of language skills? Just for note, bloosom is spelt blossom.

Danlo,

My Grandmother said that when she got
me at 3.5 years a car accident robbed
me of my hearing. It was restored by
5. I was, and still live in a silent world
though. I played alone then, and still
can dwell in the physical world, but behind
my computer. A silent world doesn't go
away when you have restored hearing.

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

So when were you diagnosed? What age? The car accident was after she got you? So you weren't speaking before the accident?

Danlo

I was not diagnosed the way AS is. I have
the track record that involves special schools
and that requires a form of diagnoses as a child.
In the NLVD standards, 1 year held back is
autism, and 2 years heldback is significant.

The symptoms were there, the sources
I read confirmed what to look for, and the
parents that raised me filled in the
neccessary details, thus as a adult
I can make a reasonable statement.

The diagnoses document does nothing
for me. Knowing and growing is the
key, not a paper that determines!

I am me, and only I can really figure
out what is going on with me. Autism
is very clearly defined in my life path.

The car accident was when I was under
my dad's neglect. I was 2.5 years old
say's my Grandmother. When she got
me at 3.5, and until 5 I didn't speak, just
played by myself and silent. by 6 restored
hearing and language development.

I speak just fine now, and it is the way
I convey my words that makes me not
desire to engage in conversation because
I DON'T LIKE REPEATING MYSELF!! !! !

Even those I know now that accept me
have a hard time grasping my thought
process and don't ask me to REPEAT
MYSELF!! !! !! ! because I
get vicious and fiesty towards them
and explain why. If they don't still get
it I will not REPEAT MYSELF!! !! !!

I AM NO "STUPID LITTLE G.H" go get
me a soda! "What I didn't catch that?
I can't hear you? I don't get it, Please
repeat that!. This is how I SEE HIGHSCHOOL
AND I NO LONGER REPEAT MYSELF
thus this is why I choose not to engage in
conversation and hide from people if I can.

HMMMMMMM!! !! !!

Mostly annoyed by NT's,
Ghosthunter

Last edited by Ghosthunter on 30 May 2005, 8:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MY MOM SAY I WAS PROUBLY MOREADTE AUTISM .I WAS IN LF CLASS IN MY SPED SCHOOL I WENT TO .I WAS THERE FOR LONG TIME BUT MY MOM SAW ALLMOST NO PROSSE ONLY FROM OUT SIDE HELP SHE FELT I WAS MAKING SOME PROGRESS.IM ALL WAYS TRYING .IN THE COUMPTER WORLD .I CAN COUMMACTE MORE EASLY .VERBLEY IS HARDER AT TIMES STILL

How were you more adapted? to autism????



Hmmm? Lf(LFA or ????) and I ask this since I am
vague about some of these foreign terms. Please
don't take my dissection the wrong way.

Hmmmm? How long in special education, and....
how long before you had hearing and speech
restored? Hmmmm?

How much progress did you make and how long
of time? Hmmmm?

How little help from the outside world did she
not get? Hmmmm?



How verbal are you? And what brand of computer
do you use. I am currently using a Powerbook G3
Wallstreet/266mhz/192/4g/CD/Wifi/Zip module.

This was my spare bare-bones model and I haven't
swapped the 512mb ram, 10gig harddrive yet into
this model. It's only bare-bones flaw is no clock battery.
That is $100 and I figure that would be the time
when I cover past tense upgrades.

Hmmmm?
Ghosthunter

P.S...Have you talked with Elfman, Danlo, Pyraxis,
Sophist your HFA-in kind species.

Ah hmm, still makes me wonder. I wonder because there is no amount of telling myself "I don't care, I am going to talk" that will make me talk, that can push myself past the barrier. Being deaf often clouds the communication part, how much is due to being unable to hear or the autism? You speak just fine now? You don't still experience a language barrier? Is repeating yourself the only reason why you don't want to talk, or is it a natural blockage?

i was in spoed ed till 22 when gradtuid hs with tons of extra therphies you can imange i still get help for my autism .and social skills and speech .as isnt the same as autism as is hf and i think people with as can do all most anything ,but only affects you social autism affects everything from day one and it dosnt make it any easer cuse i have a learing disibility to

I often talk too much.

I wish they made these affordable to the many autistic people who are low-income. I can't afford $295 to buy a 33-minute movie or even really $55 to rent one.

•how much is due to being unable to hear or the
autism?

I hear just fine, I just naturally express in colorful
word and that throws people off!

•You speak just fine now?

I speak just fine, I want to speak the way
I think, and when I defy this natural expression
I get annoyed with myself. I cannot lie to myself,
that is the worst crime I can committ on myself.

•You don't still experience a language barrier?

No! I have self-control. I choose not to conform
my words verbally so you can be satisfied.
I have tried to satisfy others and be chucked
aside like some tissue paper when there is
no more use for me to be around. If I have
nothing to say, but want to say something, then
I am annoyed. If I conform to you for your
pleasure and disposal and lose my identity
I am annoyed. I am me, accept me for who
I am, I AM NOT YOUR CHEW TOY! that you
will conviently discard.

•Is repeating yourself the only reason why you
don't want to talk, or is it a natural blockage?

Again, I AM NOT YOUR CHEW TOY! and applies
to those who feel it is fun to have the G.H
repeat himself, and now what else were we
doing(I on the other hand being ignored).

most annoyed


Ghosthunter