8 yr old son possible Autism/Aspergers/ADHD?Insight please!

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Hello all,
My 8 year old son is a wonderful boy, from the time he was 12-18 months old especially age 2, I noticed some things were different about him than other typical children. His tantrums would/are so extreme and over the smallest of things. I would have to hold him when he was younger to prevent him from thrashing all over the place and getting hurt. He would bite his hands or arms alot when he was upset. This started about 18 months. He did not seem to smile often or appear to be happy. He always just looked sad or had a blank look. I noticed at about 2 he started to pick up a word or two here and there which ended abruptly. I felt sad at times as I would hear all the other toddlers call their mothers "mommy". I figured my day to hear him speak and to hear him call me mommy, would come in time. That I just needed to be patient! He would point cry alot, or for example hand me his cup when he wanted a drink. He would often wake me up 3-4 times a night every night for unknown reasons. He couldnt/wouldnt communicate what was going on. He would not display any concern if I left him with a family member or sitter while I had to work or go out somewhere. I recall plenty of times if a stranger tried to approach my little toddler and say " hello" or " oh you're so cute" he would grunt loudly at them bite himself and turn away from them. He did not seem to like new people talking to him, I remember at times at night I would look over in the hall and see him out of bed staring off with a blank stare rocking back and fourth and not really all there. ( now have realized with age he sleep walks). I started to suspect autism and did alot of research which furthered my suspensions and landed me in the office of a child psychologist with my son ( 3 years old at the time) present. He met with me that one time, told me he believed his behaviors were a way of seeking attention and referred me to a speech therapist. After a few months of doing that, we moved back home to Texas and before I could get his insurance and new doctors all set up, he started to pick up talking rather quickly! I figured maybe this doctor was right and I am overreacting and reading too much into my sons behaviors. Time went on and some things got better or some things were traded out for different reactions/responses. He is still really shy, he will not really talk to new people rather observe them and stay close and eventually talk. I can't think of a time I have ever seen him initiate a conversation with a kid or adult he does not know. During group play with kids at school he will stand and observe to feel as if he is apart of what is happening, eventually he may join in. His temper tantrums are very extreme at home, school and his after school program. It prevents him from doing school work or simple task at home. I have had to pick him up several times due to behavior. It does not take much to get him upset. The smallest things that aren't worth getting that worked up over, can trigger him. Once he is like this he will calm down eventually and act okay again and sometimes as if nothing happened at all; almost like a light switch! However can be even more sensitive to triggers the rest of the day.The teacher and school staff are more understanding we communicate our concerns about his behaviors. They are also suspecting some autism/ADHD. He can become very out of control, throw things, destroy things, bang head on wall, hit his brother just because he is upset and his brother is close by. He says concerning things like " I am dumb", " I am stupid" " I hate myself" he has also made comments about killing himself. His teacher says he is a sweet kid however he is mad often and wants to be alone in the "calm down" center alot in class. He does not have much of an explanation as to why he is mad at school all the time other than "noise" or a student who laughs at him when he gets upset. I do notice that he does not like loud noises. However I have seen him make loud pitch noises like squeals or " ahh ahh ahh" loud when he is in a happy playful mood. As if he likes to hear his own high pitches. I do notice he still wants to be involved and be sociable at times. He is very lovable to myself most of all and somewhat to family members in the household if he is in that type of mood. Ethan has always preferred to play with blocks,legos, toy cars. Since the age of 4 he loves to play video and can get lost in it for hours, not caring if he needs to eat or use the restroom he will ignore that as long as possible unless I tell him otherwise! If he plays with his brother, and if his brother is not interested in a game or wresting/play fighting he will get very upset. He loves watching YouTube of others playing video games, he can do this for a long period of time. Hes prefers things in routine, more so of the things he is interested in doing everyday, they have to be done no matter what even if time does not allow! Eye contact can be very poor at times.I will notice when speaking to a new person he will answer simple questions and not look at the person .however he does make some. He is a perfectionist and will get upset majorly if he gets an answer wrong or if he draws a picture wrong. He will tear it up if he does not like it! I could go on an on all day. I finally reached out again and find a helpful psychologist who listened and he did assessment testing today. The school is also doing their own soon as well. I am anxiously awaiting for the report that could take a week or so. Academically he is great! Also has always been limited with foods and picky eater. Sorry for jumping all over the place on topic to topic. Any advice, comments that are helpful would be great. I am confused/concerned and don't know what to think of it anymore. I just want to understand if this is what is going with my son since an infant or what else is if not! Thanks!

Last edited by Stephy88 on 04 May 2016, 8:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I would like to add he is academically doing great! No complaints with that with teachers and school staff. They say he is doing great.

What is a paragraph?

Welcome to Wrong Planet (WP).

Firstly, whatever your son turns out to have, I think that you have already taken the biggest step to helping him out, giving him a good support system with people who care about him. It certainly sounds like he could have Aspergers Syndrome (AS) or some other similar form of Autism (AS is now considered part of that spectrum).
Another important thing, which you may have already realized, is that many problems linked with disabilities are interconnected and can influence each other. For example, it wouldn’t surprise me if your son’s sensitivities, lack of desire to interact and his negative comments about classmates can all be linked to the reason why he spending so much time in the calm down area of the classroom. Identifying the connections between his different problems can help in looking for solutions that alleviate the expression of his issues.

I am hardly surprised to see your comment about him being shy. I wouldn’t expect it to improve much in the near future, especially among kids his age. He is reaching the age group where kids really start picking up on who is different and pick on them for it (you mention that you are already starting to hear comments about it). I personally connected better with people outside my age group, being more likely to spend my time talking to teachers I liked than my classmates and later in middle school also branching out to kids from other grade levels, since I no longer had to sit with my classmates at that point.

I also know what it feels like to prefer to watch people, rather than interact with them. Although I can go hours or even days without talking to people, I still prefer to be around them. During times like this, I usually find enough comfort just sitting, watching and just being near others but will occasionally want more and decide to actually interact with people.

Something else to keep in mind is that for some of us, social interactions are exhausting. I find that some major determining factors for how stressful or exhausting an interaction can be can be influenced by a lot of factors, such as how well I know the person I am talking to (the less familiar, the worse it is), how long the conversation goes on, if the topic of discussion interests me and the environment in which the conversation takes place (familiar vs unfamiliar, amount of distractions surrounding us, number of people around).

I would recommend introducing him to this site and similar ones and giving him an account. There are multiple boards on here that he would benefit from expressing his issues on and getting feedback from people with similar issues or interests, (forums such as Kid’s Crater, School and College Life and Games and Video Games). He can start his own topics or just add his own input on other peoples, perhaps even triggering a conversation with someone who is interested in what he has to say.

As for his negative talk about thinking he is dumb, he hates himself and his suicidal talk, I don’t have much personal experience with this. All I could think of is to monitor it and self damaging behaviors and see if they increase or decrease in the future.

I am also someone with high audio sensitivity, to the point where some sounds can even physically hurt (such as some bells and grating sounds). Sometimes, too much sound would interfere with my ability to function and as a result I had to have a separate location to take tests properly, otherwise I would have a small meltdown or pitch a fit.
You also mention that he likes making his own sounds. Maybe you should see if he would be interested in a productive outlet involving that. When I was 8, I was introduced to my elementary schools chorus for the first time and ended up enjoying it so much that I continued to do it all the way through high school, performing solos, singing in special groups and participating in music competitions. I have always found music in general and singing in particular an enjoyable outlet for my stress. Of course, he might find he likes band better than chorus, enjoys both equally or neither at all. Since you mention that he draws, I’d suggests seeing if he would be similarly interested on the artistic front.

It’s important to establish activities he can enjoy now for many reasons. For one thing, it’s good to find things he enjoys. Another reason this is important is that he will have a way to vent frustrations other than his tantrums. It also exposes him to other people who may share some of his interests and therefore that he may be more interested in talking to. Furthermore, it will give him something to focus on other than the video games (which while there is no harm in some video game time, can obviously be unhealthy to play too much).

Meltdowns are a common topic on WP because many people here have experienced at least one, and often multiple ones. The tantrums, along with the physical reactions you mentioned are types of meltdowns which are, as you know, usually caused by stress. For me, meltdowns have always been a way that I release that stress. Although I try to stop them from coming, once I have them, I am refreshed. But after a meltdown I am also tired. Could this be the case with your son? It would certainly explain why he is extra sensitive afterward.

Also, something else I would suggest is trying to reduce the stress in his environment by increasing his control over his surroundings. This is something that will work best if you cooperate with him on, since he is the one who understands what bothers him best. You both have already taken steps toward this by establishing routines he considers comfortable but there are other things you can do as well.

Make a list of the things that stress him out and then ask if there is something either of you can do to reduce his exposure to these things. For example, I learned quickly that I had the least distractions from my classmates if I sat at the front of my classroom, but I have seen other people on this site comment that they were more comfortable elsewhere.

For his perfectionism, which could be another major stressor, maybe you could encourage that he change his view of how to reach it. Rather than berate himself and destroy his work when it is not right, maybe you could get him to view what he sees as a mistake as a learning opportunity. Whenever I look at a drawing or painting I’ve just finished, I always asked myself, “what do I like least about this piece?” and “what can I do next time to make it better.”

If you want to talk more, I would be more than happy to.

Again, welcome to WP.

Thank you for all your advice and insight! It really helps me understand alot more to hear others opinions. Especially those with Autism themselves. I feel I gain alot more knowledge this way rather than reading about it from a site with information.

A lot of people here (myself included) will have a hard time looking at the original post because it's one large block of text. This may limit the replies you receive. It hurts my eyes to read it, no joke.
Also, you may receive more helpful replies if you move this thread to the Parents Forum.

I'm glad that you found the advice useful.

I agree. I had to break up the original block on a word document to really compose a reply of any kind because it was so hard to read.

Well thats what I trying to say but I guess I could have been nicer about it, I apologize OP. Also welcome to Wrong Planet, I didn't realize you were new.

That's okay I have a bad habit of using bad writing structure when I am going on and on. I have rewrote it and I can't seem to find the edit button so I can re-post it. I know I edited things yesterday and I am unable to find the edit button today. Is this a feature that is unavailable after a certain time frame?

I'm not sure what the limiting factor is, but yes, there's some kind of restriction.

Here you can only edit things for short time after posting, i reccomend just posting the edited version as a reply here.