Afraid of looking stupid

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Often I feel really anxious when in somewhere unfamiliar, like a large dining place I've never been to, because some restaurants and places like that have a different system of ordering and choosing your meal, and I feel scared of being confused and looking "lost".

Also having object blindness makes it a whole lot worse, like those buffet types where you take a knife and fork from a tray placed somewhere, and I don't see it and go around hunting for it when it's in the most obvious place.

Does anyone else feel like this? Like a fear of looking ridiculous, even if nobody notices you or even cares, it's that FEELING of looking ridiculous and THINKING you're suddenly the center of attention? Is it due ro lack of confidence? I do have social anxiety.

I think it's due to social anxiety.

All people at buffets care about is obtaining their own food.

Many people at these places seem foolish when they are not actually foolish. For they are ravenous for the fine foods.

Yes I totally relate, it's anxiety, not just social anxiety but general anxiety disorder too. I've had it as far back as I can remember and as far as I know, it doesn't go away either. You can get meds to help take the edge off, and you can learn some coping mechanisms.

I have social anxiety and I find that in those situations, especially if the people you think you are making a fool of don't really matter to you, then I conciously adopt the IDGAF(I don't give a f***) attitude whether they like me or not, and that usually helps the anxiety subside.

I feel self conscious about this too. When I'm in public I think I sometimes have a confused look on my face. Then sometimes if I'm at a grocery store or something I just stand in the same place for a couple of minutes comparing prices and different things like that so that probably makes me look confused too. It also sometimes takes me a while to find things that other people can easily find. It doesn't help that I'm also really clumsy and have a bad short term memory. I think this might be why some people are so rude to me.

I think part of the reason why I feel anxious doing things in public places is spending too much time on autism forums, being conditioned to think that everybody notices me because I look so weird, even though I don't really.

Just a thought.

Note: I feel like I shouldn't be giving advice. I strongly encourage people to pick this apart and criticize it.

Walk up to someone and ask how/where do customers go to order?(or something similar) It tells them you're a customer, and that you'd like to order. Either that or just wing it and see where it goes. Worst case scenario you're no longer allowed to visit the confusing restaurant.

No idea if this will work...
Next time you're in a situation like that, try looking for people snickering (or whatever). On the off-chance someone does snicker, walk up to them with a warm smile and politely say, "Hey, I'd appreciate if you could point out the cutlery for me. I have this thing called object blindness...so it's a bit difficult for me."

But only do it if they're standing up. If they're sitting down, just ask someone else but try to have it within ear shot of their table.

Nobody really cares or has motive to react that way unless they're with others. Since they're with others, they are socially accountable for their actions. When you point out that you have a condition it draws sympathy(or at least lets them understand), resulting in feelings of guilt and knowing that his/her friends all think he/she is an ass for acting that way.

If it works, then you've basically turned in your favor. He/she fell flat on their face because of it.

alternatively... (or do both)

Try to be aware that we all live extremely complex and detailed lives, we all have issues and personal challenges. Just how you feel and perceive things, they also feel and perceive things. Ask yourself why the might react in some way and what you can learn from it; analyse it.

You asked if others felt anxiety and or felt ridiculous at one point, most people do; even NTs. However, most will also tell you they know what it's like to fail. Failure is a double edged sword; you failed...obviously, but you are also given an opportunity to learn and improve yourself. We can also learn by analyzing other people's mistakes and understanding what made them not successful. You also have successes, and it's equally important to understand what made it successful.

The idea behind this was to sort of change your perspective, but I don't know if I've been successful. I have no idea where I'm going with this anymore...

Be well

i sometimes like to look stupid. sometimes i intentionally put a stupid expression on my face when i am in situations where people who look studious and serious would have exasperated reactions as a result.
i like then to talk intelligently (still maintaining a stupid facial look) to a point where they are locked in confusion as to whether i am or am not stupid.
it is funny.

I often envy the people who's only real fear in such situations is that they won't get decent service because the system is designed stupidly, not because they feel they might be stupid.
I can relate to those situations you described, and of course it's nothing to do with stupidity.
It's currently thought of as social and general anxiety, and as someone above said, some anti anxiety meds can take the edge off. How do you feel about meds?
It's true it doesn't seem to go away, but it can improve some.
We are really only characters in someone else's dream, you could get naked and jump from table to table and nobody would truly care, and not actually about you.
The more you 'try' to work things out in situations, the harder it is. The less effort you make the easier things are.
The less you care the less panicky you feel, and the more things make sense.

I don't think it's the autism forums, per se.

It's the fact that you are, in moments of anxiety, unaware of the fact that people really don't give two s**ts about other people when they are running errands.

You probably look like any other person to them.

I get this at new places like petrol stations where I worry if the machine is going to be out of order and how to use it or if people are going to be pushy behind. It's all about recognising obsessive thoughts and then thinking about them using logic. Also the more I expose myself to these situations the better I become at them. It's a learning thing I believe. For general anxiety which I also get though I'm on Citalopram and Propranolol I stopped taking them gradually but then I had a depressive episode so I'm back on and waiting to feel better again same applies to thoughts you get with general anxiety though, you can't ignore them as they just tend to creep back into your head if you distract yourself for too long. you have to think about them logically and stop what you're doing, calm yourself down using this logic and then continue when recovered. It sure is nasty though.

I hope I do look like any other person to them, but I was told a few times here that if you've got Asperger's, anxiety, or some other neurologically condition, that NTs can see a mile off that there's something weird about you, even if it's only really minor and you have learnt to act NT on the outside and dress presentably (especially if you're self-aware like I am).
Most of my mannerisms look normal and come naturally, as I've been told by honest close relatives/friends. I don't do anything that makes my social anxiety obvious, like wringing my hands. My social anxiety body language is more subtle, where I look normal otherwise but some people can see that I'm a little shy or anxious, and some people decide to make me feel worse by staring or making it obvious to me that they are judging me, which really does not do my self-esteem any good. If I'm that hilarious and people have to laugh, I don't know why they don't laugh among themselves when they're not in my eyeshot. That would be the most decent and socially appropriate thing to do. There's us Aspies always told by NT society to not hurt other people's feelings. But nobody, even confident NTs, like being laughed at negatively by other people. Being laughed at is one of the worst behaviours from people. I hate it. It just upsets me. It's no good people saying ''oh just ignore them, they're not worth your time'' because people laugh at another person for a reason, surely, and I don't want to be that person.

But I've kind of learnt, on recent training courses I've had at work, that my social skills are more natural than what I think. The training courses are about Dementia (because I work in a care home), but things about non-Dementia thinking, like natural social skills, also got brought up, and as the tutor was saying all those, I was thinking ''oh my God that is totally me'', even though she is talking about social cues that come naturally to NTs. So it made me feel that I'm not so different to others, in some ways yeah, but in a lot of ways I am rather similar to NTs. So that has made me feel a little more confident about how I approach myself in public settings, and hoping that I look more normal than what I think I do. But whenever I notice people snickering at me, my confidence levels go right down, almost to the point of breakdown and Agoraphobia.

I am not so worried about what people think I don't get anxious in situations thinking I might be doing something wrong. Only time I ever felt anxious was in school in 4th-6th grade when I was around certain kids because they judged me harshly and the fact they made fun of me in 3rd grade so I feared them and worried they would going to make fun of me again and judge me and say I am showing off or being weird and start mimicking me. Now I don't feel so self conscious anymore like how my body is or my face and so on. Lot of people are not going to care and I can't see their thoughts so there.

Ironically I am also the one diagnosed with anxiety but yet these situations don't make me nervous. I do often fear looking stupid and I will laugh at myself but yours seem more extreme than mine because I wouldn't feel that way at a buffet or in a restaurant. I would say yours is more anxiety like social anxiety because they think they are always being judged and fear it even if they know it's irrational but they can't help it.

It IS social anxiety that I have got. Many people misunderstand social anxiety, because I interact with people well at work and I love having my lunch-breaks with my colleagues and stuff, and although I am a little socially awkward in my ways, it's still minor and if people see past that and like me the way I am, then I feel less anxious. So if I said ''I suffer from social anxiety'' the first thing most people would say is ''but you're socializing right now and you talk to people''. That is not how social anxiety works for everyone.

For me, social anxiety consists of anxiety of being the center of attention in public, facing lots of crowds particularly with too many children everywhere (as they are noisy and unpredictable), irrational paranoia of being observed and judged, easily sensitive when noticing and experiencing nasty reactions from people, thinking I look extremely weird and different no matter how normal I act and dress, dwelling on moments people have been unnecessarily sarcastic or nasty to me, worrying something might happen to me that may humiliate me, going to places like bars at night, feeling shy and reserved in groups (because of thinking people might not hear me when I speak or might not want me to speak or just feeling shy of too many eyes focused on me when speaking up in a group), meeting new people (like starting a new job), and being in a position where I have to be authoritative (this is why I avoid employment like sales person or school assistant). I just stay as a cleaner at the care home where I work, because I just know that being an actual carer for the residents will require a lot of social skills that make me anxious, like needing to be firm and authoritative, nor meek like I am. I sort of know how to be authoritative in my head, but I just cannot do it. Something in my brain just doesn't let me. I back away meekly. Ugh!

I have this.

Honestly, most of the time people probably aren't paying me attention even though I imagine I'm looking ridiculous.

Only once have I known that I've been properly noticed. It was a breakfast buffet at a hotel and there were members of staff standing by the door to the kitchen area, chatting and watching the room. Right by them, the hot food. I walked over, couldn't work out where the plates were, cast an eye over, noticed them looking, panicked, walked away a bit, turned around and went back thinking that if I scanned the setting with me eyes before I got back to it, I'd have time to see the plates before I got there. It didn't happen. I ended up back at the food, still with no idea where the plates were. They were, at this point, properly watching me and smirking a bit. I ended up backing up, going back to my husband and explaining the situation to him. He got up to get his food, told me where the plates were, and when I went back I was able to pick one up straight away (with people still watching). I did still pick up a piece of bread, go to use the toaster and discover that I couldn't work it, so walk back to the table with a slice of dry bread, but at least I eventually got a plate!

Fortunately my husband has since become very good at understanding how hard all this is, for me. He now points out where I need to go, checks if I need help scripting what to say, and offers to go first so he can tell me exactly what will happen.

That is exactly what I'm afraid of. It's more embarrassing when the object you are looking for is in such an obvious place. Those staff people should have come up to you as soon as they noticed you was looking for something, and asked you if you was OK or if you needed assistance, instead of standing there snickering like that. That is not very professional at all. Things like this would be less embarrassing if people learnt how to treat others with dignity instead of standing there snickering like silly 10-year-olds in the playground. I thought NTs were supposed to be socially mature and Aspies are supposed to be the socially immature ones who don't know how to respect other people's feelings?