Here's an edited version of something I previously posted about last weekend. I think it responds to the thread:
I was with my wife and children at a hotel with a buffet dining room last weekend. All that the "servers" have to do is to bring you soft drinks and coffee and pick up your dirty dishes so they don't clutter the table while you get more food. Usually they do this really well.
But Saturday evening, our server was a young man who wasn't picking up the dishes at all. They were just piling up. I asked him about it once and he picked up a few, but, then, didn't follow up. I mentioned it again, and he said, "Just let me know." I said that "I shouldn't have to." Normally, the servers very efficiently keep the tables clear for you.
Then, I said, "Look, brining out drinks and picking up the dishes is pretty much the whole job, isn't it?" After that, he became too good at it, going from table to table trying to take dishes that people were eating from.
I later told my wife what I said, and she told me that sometimes I really say things that are hurtful. I hadn't meant to be. I didn't know how else to explain the situation to him.
By the way,. reagarding the man on the train...your panic attack was certainly less inappropriate than the actions of the man you had sat next to.