Living Between Genders Trans people with autism express ...

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Well, this will probably be controversial.

Living Between Genders:
Trans people with autism express a gender at odds with societal expectation.

http://www.curvemag.com/Lifestyle/Living-Between-Genders-1140/
Sitting by a Texas creek one afternoon, 6-year-old Ollie turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I think that I am half boy and half girl.”

Ollie’s mother, Audrey, wasn’t particularly surprised by the comment. (Audrey and the other parents in this article have requested that we use only their first names to protect their children’s privacy.) By age 2, Ollie had been drawn to “sparkly stuff and tutus.” On a shoe-shopping expedition when he was 3, Ollie had rejected his usual brown slip-on shoes in favor of pink, saying emphatically, “I need clothes in every color.” After that, Audrey says, when they went shopping she let him choose clothes in whatever colors he liked, whether they were from the ‘boys’ or ‘girls’ department. At 5, Ollie began playing ‘dress up’ at home and shortly afterward started wearing dresses in public. (continues at link)

Very interesting article - thanks!

I once asked Simon Baron-Cohen's team if there were proportionally more gay women with ASD than without. They responded that yes that's true.

The article above links to research which shows that there is a higher rate for gender variance generally in ASD people. (5.4% show gender variance in the ASD population compared to 1.7% in the general population.)

Interesting! I know for me gender can be weird because I don't really understand gender (hence me generally identifying as agender/demigirl). Anyone else in a similar boat where you just...don't really understand what it means to identify with a gender (any gender)? It feels like this innate sense that I just lack sometimes...just like I lack social intuition xD

That's interesting.

I've always had some trouble accepting what is thought of as 'gender appropriate', though I still find it hard to untangle that knot of expectations, identity and stereotypes.
As a little girl I was somewhat shy and socially anxious, but also quite geeky and a bit tomboyish - if you've read Carl Sagan's book 'Contact': somewhat like Ellie Arroway, a girl who repaired radios at age 9 or so (which I also did).

It wasn't until later that I found that I have an intensely girlish side as well . I'm an incurable romantic and I feel a deep longing for the sort of innocent soft-pink cute girly stuff that every friend I've ever had has balked and rebelled against. Especially the lesbian ones (I'm a lesbian too).

I'm still trying to figure out whether that tomboy is the real me, or the girly girl. Maybe both are - the notion of a quantum superposition of these opposing states comes to mind , but I'm also thinking that that tomboy might have been a kind of defensive reaction, and maybe a way to express my geek side.
I've also thought that I might have resisted that girly stuff because I remember associating it with girls that I did'n like much, and with negative character traits like frumpiness or bitchiness (think Lucy of the Peanuts) - while the notion of a tomboy is associated in my mind with being adventurous, honest and caring.

Man, this stuff is complex

So much of what we call gender is socially determined - some kind of fake pink vs. camo divide. I can't take it too seriously. There's lots of overlap, as well. In my ideal world they would be just colors and styles for everyone to play with. Maybe spectrum people are further away from the social norms, and/or are less sensitive to criticism when they express things.

In this more real world, many people take these categories and their meanings very seriously. There are sometimes-harsh penalties for stepping outside of your chromosomes. I have so much respect and awe for people who mix and cross these categories in ways that fit for them, evolving over time. It's so brave and so good for the world when people do that.

In my life nowadays I look pretty cis, just because I have other primary issues than gender right now. I have been through times in life where I really pushed the edge and considered permanently crossing it. And, I'm not immune to the cultural gendering, I tend to find more androgynous and gender-fluid looking people more attractive than girly girls or big butchy men.

I certainly know I identify as female because that is what I am and born with. I like video games and I hear not many girls are into gaming. I also don't keep up with fashion and I wear what I feel comfortable in.

I did lot of boy things as a child and my mom never did the gender crap stuff. I still played with Polly Pockets and Barbies but I played with Brio train sets, Lincoln Logs, blocks, cars, Mighty Max, action figures, played in the dirt, climbed trees, I still wore girl clothes and girl underwear, I was a tom boy. My brothers played with my Barbies too and they still identified as male.

From my experience as a parent, it's nearly impossible to avoid gender stereotypes because your kid still gets exposed to them. My son complained to me about giving him a "girl's cup." I tell him it doesn't mater but he is still adherence to it so gender neutral cup it is or boy's cup. But yet I have seen him play with his sister's dollhouse.

I was born female, but I know I am a guy. I don't remember the last time that I bought an article of women's clothing from a department store. All of my favourite TV shows and movies have something to do with war or another. I cringe every time I walk past the sun hats that real ladies wear around this time of the year, when my mum and I are out shopping. I'd rather own a blue German helmet than a purse. I'm more interested in summer sports than I am in blooming flowers around this time of the year. I'd rather buy myself a shirt that's functional than a top that's cute.

Interesting. I was born female, but you wouldn't know it by looking at me. My mom always wanted me to be a 'girly girl', but was never successful. The day I went to college I decided that I was just going to be me and then a couple years ago I decided to transition to male.

I tend to just go "feh" and do whatever I want.

My clothes are all very neutral and I tend to go for an androgynous look. Why I like that, I dont know. But if someone should mistake me for a girl or just plain is unable to tell, that gives me a good feeling.

I also have been into cosplay for a long while, and absolutely will dress up as female characters if I want to for whatever reason. I always expect to get laughed at but that is never the response I get.

In an overall sense I dont really understand any of this though. It just sorta... is.

I've seen this quite a bit. Personally, I don't really identify with either gender but don't call myself trans because I don't experience dysphoria.