Do you ever feel you have to apologise a lot when you speak?

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Hi everyone,

I'm wondering does anyone with Asperger's syndrome feel like they have to apologise when ever they're talking to someone, I do this multiple times and I feel so stupid and idiotic for doing it, whenever I don't want to be rude to the person I always will say "Don't take this the wrong way" or "I didn't mean it that way", is this a sign of Asperger's or is it just normal behaviour? I'm in the process of being referred to my local Autism services to see if I have Asperger's or not.

I most certainly consider myself to feel that way when I talk to people, because I'm always anxious that what I say might upset people and I wouldn't know it. I've done that many times in my life only to find out later - much later - by which point I feel dreadful about it ... in one fell swoop.

I think the majority of us are individuals who really don't want to upset or hurt people intentionally, but we just don't know when or how we do it. I came to terms with this because, by nature, I am a nice person - it's a rational way to be - but in apologising just in case we offend after everything we say, I think this in itself could exacerbate our social difficulties.

I think the best course of action is to hold on to that possibility that we might offend occasionally, but to apologise only when this is so, rather than apologising frequently.

This is what I have experienced, often with emails. It's awful to have no idea. In many cases, I've even thought in my head, oh wow, they're going to LOVE this! I'm going to get a promotion! And I coach myself on and on, full of optimism...and then bang, I find out that someone was upset by it. What's worse, when they explain, it's so hard to see what is upsetting them.

I don't apologize in advance of making an error, but I've taken to apologizing blindly (after the fact) when this happens--blindly meaning that I still have no idea what I did wrong, but I apologize anyway. It's not that much fun!

I hope that now that I understand that there is a reason this keeps happening to me, and that it happens to other people often too, I'll find some ways to avoid it.

Sometimes though, I wonder if apologizing, while in the moment helping me to escape, is promoting 'able'ism and the tendency of NTs to lie to each other. Why should lies shape our culture?


PS..."Able' is in quotes because if they're not capable of handling factual information, what is able about them?

It could have to do with Asperger's in that it's a response to saying socially inappropriate things so many times that you feel you have to apologise all the time in case you do it again.

On its own, though, I wouldn't say it's a sign of Asperger's. A lot of people do this often enough that it's occasionally poked fun at in TV shows and whatnot.

When I have to shop for a lot of things, which is usually at the grocery store, I say "sorry" a lot. I feel like I get in everyone's way, so I'm like, "Sorry for getting in your way, sorry for having to move my cart around you, sorry for taking more than two seconds to decide what to buy, SORRY FOR EXISTING!!"

I am usually in my own little world while shopping so I don't always notice at first if I'm in someone else's way.
When I told my mother this this she said she feels like everyone else is in *her* way. An NT thing?

I'm forever apologizing for things I say. People's reactions will always confuse the hell out of me sometimes. I'm very, very particular with the way I word something. But most people feel free to change one or two "insignificant" words to make something you said the same as a bad thing to say. But they they change an "if" to "will" or "was" to "is" and now you changed up the entire tone of what I even meant and now we're arguing over what I said when it wasn't even what I actually said, nor meant.

I hate apologizing. I have to feel really guilty before I apologize to someone.

I feel like I have to apologize a lot. I'm afraid of offending people, so I apologize a lot to stay on the safe side.

No but I do for interrupting.

I have noticed this. Other people seem to apoligise for minor things like coughing and if I did that I would never stop apologising, definitely something that needs to change in society.

Sorry but I must inform you that I have a compulsive need to apologize so you are going to have to understand that I will say "sorry" to excessive amounts. Sorry.

Easy to think

Don't run no one is chasing me.
Why am I running. ( in words, humor, walking away and or Geographical Cures.