Issues w/ppl asking for money and one person in particular

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I would like ahead of time this about a delicate subject matter of giving money to ppl who ask out in public. There is a certain area of the city in particular which I have reservations for even though I often have to approach there, in order to take a bus to school.

I'm apologize beforehand if I seem callous and/or bizarre with how I approach this topic.
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I'm sure that the topic could be covered in a caring manner but to be honest, I'm not to sure, if I can do that at the moment. It's about giving to people asking money out in public.

I'll admit to giving even an occasional bill to a person asking for money out in public. I'll admit at times having an attitude of (i) maybe good things will happen to me today if I give (ii) or bad things won't happen if I give a certain amount (this has particularly been a thing around exam periods; I'm aware of how it's can be considered superstition) and even (iii) I'm doing a "public service" by possibly diminishing a 'pestering' feeling which consistent asking might give to an atmosphere and for all I know actually doing the person asking 'a service' in diminishing for how they might feel compelled to be in a certain spot.

I admit that part of me has imagined a ‘adopt a homeless person’ image in my mind;--- -_- look, I find this to be very difficult for me to muster being sympathetic towards at times—I admit to having somewhat adopted the attitude of my parents who saw poverty in a developing nation whereas I have a hard time thinking something else besides “dirty addicts who did this to themselves”---so says the writer here who has been so tormented over not having attained a high school math course that he finally takes a ‘better course of action’ in actually having signed up to attain the credit after all these years.
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There is one person in particular for which this is different. This is someone who keeps asking "Sir,can you spare some change?. I'm trying to get money for a meal...yeah,hey can I ask you something?,could you please give me another bill?...another..?" , I'll admit that a substantial amount of +$20,have been given to him at times.

>:l SERIOUSLY?!. “. As if he is a position to ask for me after already having received amounts which are in cents?.

This is severly starting to tick me off; yesterday it was uncanny how I saw the person in the face as I was sitting behind the opened doors of a bus ,he saw me, and I sat there w/a book. I got off at the next stop and actually went to him,b/c (i) I had a feeling that he so much as follow me, (ii) what I did have in my wallet actually was only coins and (iii) establish 'something', for in case something like this happens next time.

The reason given by the person is “trying to get a meal” maybe with the presence of a “I live in a group home” statement and once even “I haven’t seen my parents in years”. It’s getting really aggravating and curious how I in particular (sure I might seem to be a ‘sucker’ in his eyes by now) wind up hearing these spiels.

Part of feels like yelling "D:< MAN DO YOU THINK I GIVE A ... THAT YOU LIVE IN GROUP HOME?!.."

It can help to consider ‘strategic factors’ like sticking with groups more often,checking his direction when is present and making sure I don’t stick around alone.


--I suppose that this might be considered a mode control ,something which my younger brother brought up when later I talked to him about this.

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I REALLY hate being compared to other ppl and I fear that my thinking of the panhandling in public stoops me to the same level as a the callous teachers who I came acorss in the past or the jerk--- students in the first high school I went to who shuneed me when I asked in what apparently passed for ‘annoying’ during a time when I didn’t know I was ‘on the spectrum’.

I part of knows that this ultimately boils down to my lack of assertion in a way which isn’t “throwing down”…I’ve considered it---if he was trying to ‘mug me’ or something else forceful wouldn’t he have down it by now? . Another alternatively in ‘cussing out’ loud and distinctly even if he brings up how he saw me give money to someone else..

I worry that I might be reprimanded by someone on this forum who's actually been in the position of asking for money.

>_< I admit as well how I make analogies in my mind btw this being done and how I was scrounging for math related help years ago which is one reason a voice in my mind goes "Dx< NO!. I'M *NOT* LIKE YOU!"—. I admit to how I draw comparisions in my mind btw the tormentful crud,a fantasy of being ridiculed by past ridiculers saying something along the lines of “being on the bottom-rung of society is your destiny in life,just like these ppl” I’ve been through which I’m trying to heal from and thinking that I’m no better than a person asking for money on the street.

It s---ks to have Asperger's syndrome, nigh-nihl self-confidence or experience in refuting something like this -_- .

I appreciate any replies, I can understand if further clarification is required, I can understand if someone thinks “you did this to yourself”,feel free to point out if you think this point out to issues of my own. I can even understand if no one replies but I guess my main question in my point is..

How do I say “no” to a =_= curiously pushy-ish money-asker who now knows me by habit?..

This coming from sidetrack who (i) turned down an option to volunteer at a men's shelter today and (ii) has an idea that out there somewhere for convoluted metaphysical reasons not the least b/c "love-inclusion",a ~reticent God will be punitive with me b/c of I'm deciding to no longer give money to this person maybe taking the 'refusing points' of me not giving money and putting a lack of sympathy on someone important who I'll have need to interact with in the future.
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I find that bringing this up here is better than 'risking' possibly losing my empathy for others 'on my own'; I'm definitely not always nice. I don't do compromises well, I think beter of someone who squeegee cleans cars passing and who address status is questionable.

I'm about to leave to take a bus to go home soon...

Usually I just ignore them and walk on by, Pharisee-style. One time I couldn't because I was waiting for a bus. He kept on asking, and by a stroke of luck I'd arranged my change in my pockets very carefully that day, so I was able to very quickly drop about 10 low-denomination coins into his begging bowl. He eyeballed the coins and seemed to give me a dirty look. I'd like to help the poor, but I think it's better to do that by putting pressure on the gov to redistribute properly, soak the rich and all that. I'm in no position to judge whether the ones that pester me in the street need it or not. I don't give to charity because these days they so often turn out to have directors that get more than the average wage, and I'm damned if I'm lining their pockets.

Most often, I only give a quarter.

Some beggars are legit; some are definitely not legit. I would be able to tell if I followed one all day.

If somebody has no legs, they are more likely to be given quarters by me than somebody who is merely obnoxious.

The best thing to do is to give small change: quarters, dimes, pence, whatever your currency is

Back when I was employed, my way to work was lined with beggars. The police kept an eye on them; they were allowed to ask once and to stay away. But I begrudged the few moments more than I begrudged the coins. So one day I decided to pick one and give him a toonie ($2CAD) every day. That settled everything. Somehow they stopped asking me.

The first time I dropped him a toonie he said, "Thank you, I'll pray for you." I did a double-take. He said, "I will, I will pray for you." To my shame, I thought, "But look where your prayers got you."

At any rate, that continued until I moved. I haven't seen a beggar since then.

Every day, on the New York City Subway, at least a couple of beggars go from car to car, seeking money, food, what have you.

Some of them are evidently legit (no legs, sores all over). Many others are questionable. There are at least some beggars who really don't have to beg. I don't understand why anybody would want to beg.

But that's what was driving me crazy - who really needs? So I made a deal with God - I give a toonie a day to the same guy and let the rest go. It gave me peace of mind. I can't possibly know who needs.

But when the others stopped asking, I thought I must have done the right thing. Among themselves, word must have spread.

I always gave to any woman begging. That was unusual. There was a woman who was written up in the local paper because she was begging long and loud for money to feed her cat. She was on welfare and when the social worker saw the cat, they cut the price of cat food out of her allowance. But I only saw her on Saturdays.

There was a guy holding a sign that said he was a Canadian Vietnam Vet and had PTSD. I never believed him, not for a second. And yet if that were true he'd be first in-line. I don't know why I didn't believe him; something in me stopped cold. The thought of him is still a little upsetting.

I tell them as politely as I can, sorry I do not carry any cash (I do, but I carry very little.) Most of the time, they accept this answer. If they keep asking, I say no more bluntly and get away from them. I used to be a really easy mark for people like that, because I felt sorry for them. I had to learn to harden myself to it. Sometimes when I see someone who looks like they sincerely need the help, I do feel bad for them, but I just don't feel safe being around people like that. They can start out seeming very humble and nice, but a minute later I am spellbound, going into a mental fog and dissociating. Worst case scenario, they might start touching me or grabbing at my things. It's happened enough times that I go on high alert when I see a panhandler approaching me. I don't care anymore, I feel bad for them if they are really in need but I am NOT the person to help them. Once I got really clear on that, it became a lot easier to say no. If you have conflicted thoughts/feelings about it, if you feel guilty, if you think you should help, they know how to play that to their advantage.

I sometimes tell these people, sorry I can't help you, but I will pray for you. That sorts out pretty quickly what their intentions are, the ones who keep asking after that are the ones with no respect and no sense of boundaries.

in the states, if a person lives in a group home, their meals are provided, but they get very little money for things like haircuts, toiletries, or any sort of treat.