I need a minute to vent.

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I have no idea what section this would go in because it covers aspergers, autism, cancer, bipolar and drug abuse, in three separate people, but I need a moment to vent and some help deciding where to go from here.

I've lurked here a while but I just got around to registering, moreso because in my current place in life. I sincerely need some advice on how to handle this and where to go from here.

I guess I'll start with myself; I was diagnosed with aspergers formally at a young age (3-5?). I suppose I got the 'social conformity' treatment in that I got picked on like crazy for my quirks, so I learned to stop doing them. I also got picked on because I lisped my R's (I still kinda lisp my ER's but not as bad - I used to lisp anything with a R in it so definitively progress) which was also fun for the bullies. The obvious side effect of this is I was depressed for most of my childhood - I was on probably about 4 or 5 different mediciations and was both depressed and anxious. But sometime I turned myself around between middle and high school, and by the time I was in 8th or 9th grade I was completely unmedicated and mostly happy. I guess it was because I moved three states and had a fresh start, or I just got a grip on things, I don't know. Needless to say most people consider me "normal", I have fine motor skills/drive every day, don't have any sensitivity issues(besides a bit of a food texture one), can manage emotion fine, I can hold up conversation fine (though I'm still a introvert by most accounts) and I'm starting my classes for EMT Basic in the fall (thus my nickname here). Though I do still definitively have my 'aspie interests' that being Military History and to a lesser extent law/order. I still get anxious but I've found ways to manage this without the need for any medication, and admittingly I still do the jumpy thing but I've loooonnng learned not to do this outside the house. I have a bit of a spring in my step and do shake my leg(s) though when sitting in a public place to burn of excess energy.

But in my family it goes far deeper. My little brother has low-functioning autism as well as a potentially cancerous brain tumor. He's a freshmen in high school and it's definitively a quality of life thing for him right now, god bless him. But it's kinda obvious where all of this stemmed from - my father is bipolar. Not only is he bipolar, but he stopped working in 2007 or 2008. Ever since then he went painstakingly downhill and now lives in his mothers house (Who is in a nursing home and not able to take care of herself mentally). He abuses his prescription drugs and outright refuses to get any form of help for it. Some days he's normal, some days he has his bipolar phase, then other days he's totally lost on his drugs. We've dealt with him in the house for about 10 years now which absolutely destroyed my childhood economically. Moving three or four times ruined my high school experience socially and economically. I don't want my younger brothers (The one with autism could care less but I also have a younger brother, also a freshmen, who is 'neurotypical') to have to deal with that. I suppose I've been more of a father figure to them then their real father which is part of what got me where I am now I guess. I also definitively did not want to end up like my father growing up which further drew me to improving myself.

Anyways, this is part of why I opted to become a EMT; Because the quirks of being a aspie can benefit me, and because the training is only 4-5 months. This means I can get a job sooner and (in theory) help turn our situation around.

But there are a few open doors; for one, my father is back on a 'I can fix my problem myself please let me back in' splint. Myself and my mother both know better at this point but the problem is the mix of his bipolar and his drug problem; he's more or less incapable of taking care of himself. Even the government agrees and he gets disability pay for the bipolar. We can't force him to get treatment but we also know keeping him kicked out is going to slowly wreck what's left of his life and he'll end up on the street. He's got it easy right now because he's in his mothers house but when she dies there's a good chance he's going to loose it (Nursing home). He's also bad at managing all of his finances and just lost his wallet with like $300 cash in it the other week. He wanted me to move in with him (likely because I'll be taking care of him) but I don't want to; 1) this would make my certification harder. I want a PA EMT-B certification and he lives in Ohio, they're both NREMT certified so transferring it won't be extremely hard but it's still of note. 2) I think i'd just be enabling him and his problems by taking care of him. 3) He lives in a exceptionally bad part of Ohio.

The other option is staying with my mother, not because I have to but because of the situations she's in, and once I have my cert and a job help put the last two kids through high school and hopefully get something going for the youngest ("Normal") one to go to college, a opportunity I can say I probably won't get at least short term. I also need to start thinking about how my autistic younger brother will be taken care of down the road.

I also need to work on a way to pay for my certification - probably a $1,500 expense or so. I'm aware that may not be much to some but to a family sustained by a single mother who has to pawn TV's every month to keep food on the table it's a lot to ask. Getting a sustained job is also difficult when you don't have a car.


Needless to say, the odds are rather stacked against us and any advice I can get is good advice.

Thanks.

Reading back after my edits I didin't realize I wrote a 1,000 word short novel - apologies about that

No apologies needed, this is what Wrong Planet is here for.

$1,500 is lots of money.

I think your situation is a difficult one; I don't envy you one bit.

But at least you're thinking this through, and coming up with adult solutions.

Drug abuse is so difficult. I feel the drug abuser usually wants to get rid of his addiction--but the physical nature of the addiction frequently prevents this, and causes the character flaws which drugs addicts manifests. If you allow him to move in with you, despite his best intentions, he'll probably do what drug addicts normally do: sell your stuff, expose you to other drug addicts, etc.

It's not that he's a bad person. It's the nature of the addiction. It makes even great people into parasites.

As ASPARTOFME stated, this is what WP is for.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Agree 100%, but the issue is the bipolar (That's all that's diagnosed, I wouldn't be surprised if he was somewhere on the spectrum as well) basically makes him incapable of taking care of himself. But you couple this with the drug addiction and no one wants to take care of him for the obvious reason of he's a parasite. So he's slowly destroying what's left of his life right now - and he refuses to recognize it.

It's agitating because at times you know the chance that he'll just never turn himself around, and end up like a lot of his family (My godfather/uncle died 2012, mid 40's, alcoholism/drug problems, left behind his two teenage daughters. My aunt on his side of the family died from smoking/alcoholism/probably drug problems in 2010, etc etc). It's not the drug problem that agitates us more than the fact that he refuses to recognize he has it.

Not sure if this is useful, but here goes.

1. Your dad is an adult, your brothers are not. At the end of the day I would focus on them first, and fight the urge to focus on your dad. I understand the compulsion of a child that grew up taking too much responsibility to take on the parent role for a helpless parent, but you are only one person. Nobody will be helped if you wear yourself to the bone. I think you are aware of this intellectually, but you have to know it in your heart too.

2. At least your dad has somewhere to live for now. You getting some qualifications is a lot more pressing.

3. If your dad refuses to see that he has a problem, there is very little you can do. The denial is so strong in addicts, it's hard to crack with words.

4. You finishing your course depends on you getting enough sleep at night and having a reasonable routine. Living with an addict will not supply those things. But you know this. You just need to feel it.

Those are all good points underwater, many thanks.

Yep...the key is to think about YOUR future.

Don't let your dad screw it up.