Executive Dysfunction-ing & ADHD.... in adulthood

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Hey, so... I feel like I didn't really have a problem with ADHD when I was a kid/younger.
I was certainly spacey and such, but the work I had- was boring and terrible, and always way below my level. However, ever since I turned 18 the difficulty ratcheted up, and at first I thought that it was- I just couldn't do it- that I'm lazy.

I know that I have pretty intense executive function issues.
But the thing that is making me second guess all this is- if I drink coffee (like a metric ton... seriously I don't even really want to drink that much coffee but I need about 4 cups for the effect to hit- of like black coffee with some milk for flavor because I have not-so-tasty-cheapest-I-could-find-coffee). And suddenly- when the caffeine hits me- I can suddenly do all my work.
Suddenly I can focus on boring s**t, listen better, remember boring s**t, do things, plan things out better, and just retain everything better. I become competent....

It happens every time I drink enough coffee and maintain the high throughout the day....
However, as it tapers off then I go back to normal
I feel like I didn't have this problem way back when though...
Also, I feel weird about the idea of saying "Oh, I must have ADHD" because of things like this:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/15/healt ... d=all&_r=0
Also, because I grew up being told- "nothing is wrong with you- it's just all your fault- suck it up"
And that mental illness, neurological differences, mood disorders, personality disorders, and autism "weren't real".

Idk, I just find it strange that this wasn't so much of an issue before, but not it's like consuming my life.
To the point where- I thought I was going to loose my job (because of various mood-issues, couldn't focus/concentrate/retain ANYTHING), but then on a whim I upped my caffeine content dramatically and BAM- suddenly (and it was really so sudden) I'm competent at my job now.
I was also feeling super depressed, and the caffeine/coffee brought me out of it, and I felt much more relaxed too. I know it shouldn't have such a dramatic effect... buuut nevertheless.
Anyone else have this experience????

Also, I have stomach issues/food issues very often- more often than not- and all this coffee drinking is really upsetting my stomach... so I'm looking for something else to supplement it...
Also, when I was at the psych's office they screened me for ADD/ADHD, and as I was taking the test- I said to myself- I know I have all these symptoms... I know I'm checking all the boxes (literally), but It just feels so sudden.
When I say sudden- I guess it isn't, but idk maybe I'm just in denial here???
My friends that had ADHD (all medicated and got accommodations) in college- when I would describe the difficulties (really intense like making me fail out of everything I tried) they said it sounded like the problems they all had before medication.
I actually had 4 different teachers suggest it too.
It never got any better either. Just stayed exactly as problematic as ever.
However, if it was a special interest- I was fine- so when I only ever did anything directly related to that- I would be stellar... but the second some admin-type thing came up or something stupid/boring/something I didn't want to do.... it would all go to shit- even when I legitimately tried!!

Finally, I was getting annoyed that for example, my mind would get ahead of itself, and I would get an answer and then I would play with the answer "oh, what about if I took the derivative of that- oh and one more variable oh- the log of that ahahaha, what about- oh s**t... umm what was I even ... what was the answer... damn... was it the log... are we doing integrals now UGH! wait- why is he drawing that vector ... weren't... " It was like getting lost in my brain without trying to. Like being too fast and too slow at the same time
Drove me INSANE.

Firstly, if you're feeling really "racy" this weekend (you wouldn't be able to get a prescription), and you live in the U.S., I would suggest taking Benadryl (if you're not on any other drugs, that is----if you are, ask the pharmacist if they'll "play nice" together). I'm always recommending it to people. It calms you down, so you can think, keep things straight, etc.

Secondly, the reason you may be feeling like "It just feels so sudden", might be because you didn't think of this diagnosis yourself; and/or, why couldn't they have figured this out before; and/or, you may be having a sniggling feeling (feeling deep, down inside) of "OMG, so much of my life has been wasted, not knowing".

I also have ADHD (I also am an Aspie), and I know how it can suck. I think it's so difficult, maybe, because it makes our system want to hurry-up and do everything----read faster, react faster, speak faster, etc.-----but, with an ASD, we have to take time to process, so our "insides" are in a constant tug-o-war.

It's good that you got tested. Maybe now, you can get meds----they changed MY life. Pay close attention, though, to how you are responding to them. I've previously taken a drug for ADHD that made me EXTREMELY angry----I mean, angry enough to really wanna hurt someone. I don't mean to scare you----maybe every drug works differently with different people----I just only want to make you aware / remind you how important it is, to pay-attention to how it makes you feel.

That's a good point. I go back tomorrow for an appointment. So, I shall discuss more there I guess.
My AS was about as sudden and subtle as this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VDvgL58h_Y
Where the guy scream "I feel like I'm losing my miind" and no one believes him- yeah that's what it felt like- except omni-prescent & I wasn't murdered .
But more seriously- Yes... I honestly didn't even think of the possibility, it was just other people mentioning it over and over again. I didn't even ask for the testing, they just listened to what I said and were like- hmmm, try answering these questions.
I definitely do feel like- why wouldn't anyone have noticed by now- but I guess they did notice... hmm.
I mean the only thing I ever really connected with was the coffee thing- also, I can drink it and fall asleep.

I also notice that a lot of the symptoms seem to overlap a bit with AS- how would someone distinguish? I guess that's why it is a co-mobid.
For example, I don't consider myself to be very impulsive- I do get hyper, but not impulsive in fact I am rather risk-adverse and (i think that's the AS) methodical and kind of "slow" but can be too fast at the same time kind of what you just said.
I just feel very incredulous about the whole prospect. With AS I was like- yes, finally I see the light- this just feels out of no-where.
But when I think about it more- everything I've done has either been a hyper-focus thing/special interest OR last-minute. I thought I was just procrastinating/lazy and idk.

I actually do wonder though- I've always had this thing where I could NOT focus on more than one thing at once- I bounce around (I actually like this part of myself) from hyperfocus to hyperfocus thing, but am realllllly bad at switching off/handling more than one thing at once.
Is that AS or ADHD- I feel like untangling the two is ... difficult.
Like I never had trouble with conversation or anything like that (other than sensory overload issues) because people were my special interest- I was obsessed with figuring conversation out- with understanding what I obviously wasn't getting. So, it was a natural point of focus when I was younger.

I think that bit is rather ingenious!

Also, Very much get what you mean about "internal struggle" I feel that all of the time- but idk, is that really an ADHD thing?? I mean it would explain my nigh-manic random bouts of hyperness (I was contemplating whether it was bi-polar, but I don't think it is- I cycle out of it too quickly and it is waay too frequent. I do have extremely intense depressive episodes though. yay.

It's weird because I never thought ADHD was actually a real thing ... I just remember (other than my friends) kids taking ritalin/adderall to do better on tests or presentations! But that could just be my upbringing "talking" there. You've definitely given me something to think about!