Saying please and thank you

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Hello

I don't know if this is a aspie thing or not, it could be just me .

When I was a small child I was always really polite , I always said please and thank you and I always asked with a please before I did anything or took anything , touched anything etc

Sometimes i would get stuck in a cycle for example at the dinner table
Please can you pass me the salt
( person passes salt)
thank you
next person asks for salt
I pass it and then say thank you to them for taking it . As i got older I became accutely aware that other people thought it was strange, nobody spoke to me like that and I didn't really see other people speak to each other like it .
Eventually I got sick of saying Please because often i'd get snapped at and told yes go and get it in an annoyed tone ( even though i hadn't asked the person to get it for me ). I quit saying thank you because people looked at me funny and nobody ever said thank you to me. It got to the point where I would just take what I wanted without asking , because I knew the answer would be yes in a snappy annoyed tone and it upset me to hear it , obviously sometimes I would get told off for doing something or taking something without asking and this caused me a lot of confusion , why is it sometimes neccersary to ask and say thank you and yet other times it is not accepted.
As an adult I have a really hard time saying either please or thank you , I say it in my head but it just won't come out of my mouth a lot of the time , I hear my head say it and I feel horrible pangs of guilt for not saying it out loud but often I just can't do it.
Saying please feels like begging and grovelling and if I said please and the answer was an annoyed no or a snappy yes I get angry , after all I said please the answer aught to be yes or how else do I get to say thank you.
If I ask without saying please I expect the answer to be no and it doesn't hurt so bad when it is , i've come to expect no in most situations as opposed to the yes when i was a very small child . I rarely ask for anything and never unless its vital , consequently I never have salt or pepper or any kind of sauce on my food and I dont take sugar in my tea .
Does anyone think this is anything to do with being an aspie or is it just a personal quirk.
bb natty

I'm honestly not sure. I naturally use polite phrases, but it could simply be a habit.

I say thanks for things like that regularly, but when it comes to bigger things (getting gifts and such) I feel very uncomfortable saying "thank you" because I didn't ask for it, and don't know how to respond.

I rarely say please, I don't know why really. I'll say it for bigger things like if I need help with it, but for other things like if I need something handed to me I just say "can you hand me <whatever>?"

I was always extremely polite as a child and even now I still say sorry even when I haven't done anything wrong - just in case.

I think the problem is that most Aspies take things really literally. You were probably told as a child to always say "please" and "thank you" and you took it to heart. Most people say this to their kids without realising that in the real world it doesn't actually make sense.

One of the frustrating things for me, and this has lasted for years, is the fact that "please" and "thank you" are so often said sarcastically or out of exasperation. This often makes me subtly afraid that if I say it, it will be misinterpreted this way.

I find it difficult to say 'please' to anyone and I don't know why. It's not because I want to be impolite, it just feels awkward saying it. I can say 'thank you' to people I don't know well, but have problems saying it to family for some reason.

Same thing with "excuse me." So many people say that sarcastically, that I am afraid to say it now.

I say "thank you" and "sorry" too much. I'm always apologizing for everything.

i am the same way, i wish i would stop. but i always say it and usually in the wrong sync. like to fast or as im walking away or right when they start to say something else.
it makes me seem weird!

"Please" is the only thing that came naturally to me. I had to memorise "sorry" and "thank you"... and while I didn't care before, I'm really fussy about it right now.

When I give someone something, I expect them to say "thanks", and when someone bumps into me, they should say "pardon"... or else I'll become very angry.

Thats because you are weird

And yeah please and thank you Ive gotten pretty good with. Theres a whole set of rules for when it is considered acceptable and when it would be annoying.

Dinner with family you live with they are unnecessary (unless you have guests) and after a while they will think your trying to annoy them.

Strangers you should almost always use them unless you already have said "please" to that specific individual recently in which case you can either append your current need to your previous request if its almost immediately afterwards (pass the salt please?... and the pepper?) if its less than 10 minutes since your last request and more than 1 you should use a different wording (Could you pass the salt if its not too much trouble?) and you should refrain from making more than 2 requests of a single individual per 10 minutes. If you need a third request fulfilled you should make an open request (Could someone pass me the salt if its not a bother?).

I find it odd if you don't know these things though.. etiquette is highly systematized so I find formal social events a lot more relaxing than parties and such where there is no structure.

No one ever says "please" and "thank you" to me, so I don't say it to them. However, if someone does something nice for me (like hold the door open), I will say "thanks" or "thank you".

I say "please" and "thank you" a lot. My parents started training me on those phrases even before I was 2 years old and couldn't pronounce them properly. When I studied abroad for a semester in Spain though, the woman I was staying with told me to stop saying "thank you" so much, since she said that you don't generally thank someone that you know well for doing things like cooking and serving food. Guess it's a cultural thing, since at home I always thank my mom for making dinner.

Me too. I'm generally very polite unless someone pisses me off.

i'm very polite and i use the word "may" correctly in application (as opposed to using "can")

I was raised with manners so they provide me with a sense of social order.It really bothers me when people don't show basic courtesy and manners,even if it's not really necessary.

I have to say,even if it's just a habit and unnecessary at times,it does make dealing with superficial social situations much easier than when I feel shy and ignore manners."hi","thanks","please","you're welcome"..they are easy social "lubrication" that don't demand much from me,where-as trying to explain why I am aloof or unfriendly demands lots from me.