Diagnostic uncertainty and fear

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Hi everyone. I'm very new here - in fact, this is my first post, so please excuse any awkwardness on my part.

I'm concerned that some people might take offense at some of the worries that caused me to post this. I have a possibly irrational fear that I have an autism spectrum disorder. However, unlike most people who would consider a diagnosis to be a relief, I am desperate for some proof that I -do not- have ASD. This is not meant to disparage people who do. However, the idea that I have a long-standing neurological problem rather than a treatable, curable psychological problem is very frightening to me.

The reasons I suspect it are that I was a terribly shy, sensitive child when I was young and horribly dorky. I also had a strange desire not to fit in, and to cultivate my eccentricity. I was linguistically gifted but spazzy and I loved to read. I used big words because I thought they were fun.

Are there any reasonable signs that I'm neurotypical, or at the very least non-autistic? No psychologist (I've seen at least 7) has ever suspected ASD in my case and most have consistently told me that I don't have it (my diagnosis is depression with psychotic features and generalized anxiety). My best friend and my ex have told me that they seriously doubt it. I'm just scared of being unable to rule it out, much in the same way somebody with a predisposition for breast cancer might be.

If anybody here has any thoughts, I'd love to hear them. I can't stress enough that I don't want to offend the good people here who deal with ASD. This is just my personal journey to understand why life is a struggle for me. Thank you.

I relate because initially I wanted it not to be what was going on with me too, like you. For the same reasons. My initial reaction to even wondering, like the place you're in now, was fear, depression, and actually horror, because I felt like my whole framing of myself and who I thought I was or could be (if I only tried harder...) was rocked.

Things are not that way now but ten years ago I was where you are at and it felt bad, not good. The "relief" part was only a more recent thing, after ten years of denial and avoiding investigating and getting an evaluation; then I had come to terms more by then. But at first no.

You might try investigating ASD but also other conditions to see what else fits; there are a lot of overlapping traits and symptoms with other things, so don't rule out yet that it may not be spectrum issues.

If you come to feel that the other things don't seem as strong a case as ASD, pursuing a diagnosis can be expensive or a long wait, so it's a lot to do if you're not after all! But if it would put your mind at rest -- whichever the conclusion -- it might be something to think about.

It took me a loooong time to feel prepared for that though. Just my story, others may have different experiences.

I'm sorry you feel so troubled right now. For what it's worth, have you taken any of the online screening tests? Whether or not you have autism, you may find, as I did, that the tests make you look at your strengths and weaknesses in a different way. I took a few, and that's what I found. Also, remember that no online screening test is equal to a diagnosis though.

Let's say that it turns out you have autism. You'd still be the same person who's overcome a lot to get where you are now. Autistic people can learn and grow, just like anyone else, and they can still be treated for mental health conditions.

Regardless of what happens, I hope you find some answers that you can live and learn with.

Thanks DataB4.

I have taken the online screening tests. The results tend to be mixed. Supposedly I have both neurotypical and neurodiverse (ASD) traits. My empathy, sense of humor, warmth and appreciation for subtle social cues don't seem particularly in line with mainstream ASD. I was in an anxiety support group with a young man with ASD, and he couldn't tell when other people were upset. Another woman was breaking down crying, and he continued to cheerfully try to tell her more about himself. I had to politely stop him, and he was clearly bothered that he had done something wrong. It wasn't his fault at all.

I think classic introversion and sensitivity probably fit the bill better in my case. Having developed nerdy interests like history, literature and philosophy are probably what cause me to worry about ASD.

You are doing a good thing. Understanding who you are will be a big help. You have access to advice and people who see you clearly. Learning to trust them may help you learn more about yourself.

Being concerned about having autistic traits does not mean you have a spectrum disorder. For me, I have always tried to be someone that I am not. With the same results happening over and over again. My poor brain gives up and I retreat into an ever shrinking comfort zone. Still, one must try to find our limits and occasionally succeed. Having adventures is a big part of life. Giving up too early will rob you of all sorts of experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Good luck, I hope you feel better.

Having "nerdy" interests is not part of the diagnostic criteria for ASD so you shouldn't have to worry on that regard. If you are general social and don't have social issues or issues forming and maintaining relationships then I'd say you are unlikely to be on the spectrum.

You yourself thinking it is possibly irrational mean it may be hypochondria. Or you're psychotic.



I don't know if most people consider a diagnosis a relief.

Autism is a devastating diagnosis. Ask any parent who is having their child screened.



Therefore pay the money to undertake the screening process.


Again, possibly hypochondria. Or psychosis.



If you read any literature on the subject of autism, one thing that is consistent is a desire to fit in - but an unknowingness of how to do so.

PS it isn't linguistically gifted to use the word 'spazzy' on a forum for people with a disability.



Yes. You are presently both.


...So you trust your own occasionally psychotic opinion over the expertise of 7 psychologists?


Why not work your way through the entire DSM and rule out everything?


Stop obsessing over a diagnosis.



No offence taken. You just sound like a hypochondriac/psychotic. Of which the latter you are already diagnosed with.

Thanks everyone. You don't realize how helpful this has been.

I am sorry for using the word "spazzy" on this forum. Not appropriate at all. For some reason I was trying to insult myself, which is a bad habit of mine.

Thank you sonicallysensitive, in particular. Hypochondria is absolutely right, and I don't know why I didn't make that connection before. I've had these same obsessive fears over Multiple Sclerosis, my weight, my breath, my posture, Parkinson's, low testosterone, vitamin deficiencies, and whether or not I was eating humanely raised chicken. This desperation for certainty is classic hypochondria.

My current therapist and I are working on CBT for these fears, and for my social anxiety and self-esteem.

Not everyone who seeks certainty is a hypochondriac. There are people on this site who, because of their generation, of necessity had to self-suspect autism spectrum issues, which led in many cases to the completion of a professional evaluation with the result of confirmation of their suspicions. They aren't all just "hypochondriacs."

They also didn't "not" have it until that day when their clinician made the diagnosis that they did. Be careful of some people's definitions of some of these things. Just saying.

I'm not going to get tested, I've decided. The tests don't sound conclusive, and I've had therapy and psychiatry for over 10 years without anybody suspecting it.

I would rather think of myself as neurotypical and strive to embody that ideal. Then, even if it's not true, my NT behaviors might help me in the long run.

Thanks.