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obsessingoverobsessions
Pileated woodpecker
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22 Jun 2016, 12:03 pm

I was talking to a friend today, and I apologised for how terrible my social skills were (it was one of my "bad" days where it's impossible for me to seem normal). I told her that I can seem normal but that today wasn't one of the good social days, and she then said something which surprised me:

"I notice the days where you're more normal than others, but even when you have a really good day for socialising, you still seem a bit off, kind of different somehow."

I thought that when I faked being normal well, no one could tell. As far as I'm concerned, I could just about pass for being neurotypical when I'm actually able to pass (about once in a week).
Now I'm feeling self-conscious about it, and I don't know how to fix the "different" thing about me, or even what is different...

Any ideas or thoughts on this? :|


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Fnord
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22 Jun 2016, 12:15 pm

You seem to have found a friend who seems to relate her expressions in a non-judgmental and non-condescending way. Treasure her.

Otherwise, embrace your eccentricity and revel in your unique spirit!



Edenthiel
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22 Jun 2016, 12:22 pm

Fnord wrote:
You seem to have found a friend who seems to relate her expressions in a non-judgmental and non-condescending way. Treasure her.

Otherwise, embrace your eccentricity and revel in your unique spirit!



All the things Fnord just said. Celebrate your neurodiversity and you will draw toward you people who value it. Try to "pass" and those who do will continuously look for the reasons you are different. Ergo, be yourself. Be kind and courteous and considerate in your interactions, but don't try to be someone you are not.

And to reiterate Fnord's advice, cherish that friend.


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EzraS
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23 Jun 2016, 5:12 am

Okay so you are not as good at pretending to act generic normal as you thought. There are plenty of oddball, quirky, eccentric, whatever NT's out there that a lot of people find intriguing, interesting, amusing etc. As long as you are not in a situation where people think you are rude or offinnsive, then I don't really see a problem.

Be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate imiatation of someone else.



kraftiekortie
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23 Jun 2016, 5:58 am

Very wisely put, Ezra!

Yep....as long as you don't offend people, I find that most people will accept quirks, especially as they experience life, and experience people.

When I was younger, I used to try to act so-called black. This wasn't well-received by black people. When I started acted myself (which is very so-called white LOL), then I became more accepted by black people. Many people can spot a phony miles away.



beakybird
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23 Jun 2016, 6:01 am

You shouldn't feel you have to hide who you are, just be able to function normally. Which, form the sounds of it, you seem to.

Something 'different' or 'not right' could be tons of things, and the vast majority of which aren't the slightest bit bad. Be your own person.



obsessingoverobsessions
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23 Jun 2016, 10:14 am

Thanks guys :) I guess I'm just a bit hesitant to try and be myself, I just pretty much scare people away because I'm "scary" or "weird".
My speech isn't the best and I stutter and say the wrong words all the time, and it takes me ages to say things.
I also have a strange sense of humour that people generally find offensive, I try not to be but other people don't like me because of it.
When I'm myself, I sometimes make random screaming noises and bounce around, it's like a happy stim but again, people feel embarrassed to be around me.
That's why I try and be normal because then people see me as equal more often. I guess I could try and be myself again, it's been a few years though. :roll:


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obsessingoverobsessions
Pileated woodpecker
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23 Jun 2016, 10:16 am

Also, some people find it "cute" and talk to me like I'm a lot younger, which isn't really what I want either.


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Dreadful Dante
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23 Jun 2016, 3:27 pm

I ''passed'' perfectly as neurotypical in a consultation with a psychiatrist, she couldn't for one split second have the slightest idea I have autistic traits. 'Acting' for a short period of time is simple, although not easy.
But people who spend time with me always realise there's something different.

That's THE BLESSING of being neurodiverse, you'll scare away the usual, the average, the boring people.
Although it's simples to feign NT behaviour when focused, too much concentration onto social acting tires us mentally. SO, embrace neurodiversity.

My odd sense of humour makes me laugh histerically like a male Cruella in very inappropriate times. Do you think I'll supress it? Nah, let them know how much fun I'm having with my own thoughts. They either find it awkward or recognize the beauty behind laughing alone with and at myself.

There's fun in everything. It's our duty to enjoy it.

Peacefully,
Dante.



obsessingoverobsessions
Pileated woodpecker
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24 Jun 2016, 11:49 am

Dreadful Dante wrote:
I ''passed'' perfectly as neurotypical in a consultation with a psychiatrist, she couldn't for one split second have the slightest idea I have autistic traits. 'Acting' for a short period of time is simple, although not easy.
But people who spend time with me always realise there's something different.

That's THE BLESSING of being neurodiverse, you'll scare away the usual, the average, the boring people.
Although it's simples to feign NT behaviour when focused, too much concentration onto social acting tires us mentally. SO, embrace neurodiversity.

My odd sense of humour makes me laugh histerically like a male Cruella in very inappropriate times. Do you think I'll supress it? Nah, let them know how much fun I'm having with my own thoughts. They either find it awkward or recognize the beauty behind laughing alone with and at myself.

There's fun in everything. It's our duty to enjoy it.

Peacefully,
Dante.



This post was very inspiring! Thank you for helping me realise that being neurodiverse is awesome 8) I really appreciate the time you must have take to write this :mrgreen:


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AJisHere
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24 Jun 2016, 12:08 pm

For me, I "pass" all the time. It's exhausting, can be scary, takes many years of hard work and practice and while it works ok for me I can't recommend it to others. You're not getting bad advice in this thread :)


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