Neurotypicals should stop asking aspies and everybody this:

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"How are you?" or "How are you doing?"

Before you even glance at me to wait for the response that you think that you should just get from everybody, you just ruined my thoughts. You asked me a question, and I think that questions are supposed to have answers generated by the person asked. Not only will I be trying to think about how I am feeling, but I will also be thinking about what a stupid question that I think that is anyway. Not until after moments of vocal silence do I realize that you are just using that silly catch phrase of "politeness," for whatever reason, not actually wanting to know how I'm feeling. Things that I think about when you ask me that question consist of, "How am I doing? How am I doing what? What kind of a question is that anyway? How am I what?" I then quickly remember off of memory that you mean, what feelings have gone through out my day. After I think THAT, I think of all of what emotions I am feeling, and then I remember that you are just using a silly catch phrase, that logically makes no sense at all. These thoughts all do happen rather quickly, and sometimes skipping various ones it seems, but it will always mess up what I was thinking of, no matter how it all happens. After you ask that, I stutter to use the "correct" words that you're wanting to hear, and then forget what I was thinking of before. Why do you do this?
If you are going to say something to me all the time that makes NO SENSE logically, and will completely mess up what I was thinking, then I will soon begin responding to you with something that for some reason won't make sense to many of you neurotypicals.

You: Hi, how are you?
Me: How am I what?
You: How are you doing?
Me: How am I doing what?
You: Heh heh.. Uh, well anyway... Uh, I was going to say...

That's how I feel when you ask me, "How are you?" I feel very awkward and confused, and then I forget what I was thinking! At least my responses in the dialog above actually make sense to me, while if I really asked you what your question means, you probably would stutter to answer, and say, "Oh, it's just...I"

You make me feel awkward, confused, and in the end overall angry when you do this.
"You" is referring to just the people that ask this silly little greeting question.

What other aspies, or anybody feel this way?

"How are you?"

"Armed."

They won't ask again.

Next problem.

I'm right with you.
Hi how are you? - Well if they really wanted to know they wouldn't ask in such an offhand way would they?

Sometimes I feel like saying, "well actually last week I was so depressed I went beyond contemplating suicide, actually had a noose around my neck, and would have killed myself if I hadn't disturbed my wife's sleep, so comparably I guess I'm well; how the hell are you?"

The old English greeting was "how do you do", which was supposed to be responded to with "how do you do" - two people greeting each other with the same question, neither answering the question.

I usually get away with the Aussie option since I live in Australia; I say G'day, which is usually perceived as good day, or the Aboriginal greeting which has no English equivalent.
If pressed I usually say fine, not too bad, or okay, though usually when I am greeted with "how are you" just by being "asked" I am automatically on edge.
No one really knows how I am inside my head, and no one ever will, so to use such an antiquated and contrived expression just drives me around the bend.

Yeah its a pretty pointless ritual, but then its also pretty pointless getting upset about it.

If you feel grumpy enough though, stand there and give them a list as long as your arm of things that are wrong with you and your life. They'll soon begin to regret asking you LOL.

_________________
Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house

I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.

I most often forget myself and start explaining, - until I see that baffeled look on their faces.
If I am fine, I have no problem saying: "I´m fine, thanks, - how are you?", - but if I am not, it gets awkward/confusing, and before I´ve had time to think, my answer might come out as something between half an explanation and a long detailed one.

"Act like a normal person and use 'sup" is what I would tell these people you're on about.

When I'm asked, I'll do one of two things. The first is just reply "normally". That's because I'm awake, alert, and in "greet mode". I'm ready for the question so I know how to respond. The other thing I'll do is just be completely honest and answer the question. I'll reply with how my current mood is and what events led up to that mood. Perhaps I just got out of class and feel a bit bored. Other times I'll have just picked up lunch and I'm ready to eat. Or I'm excited about a news article I had read.

Either way there's conversation flow and both parties are usually happy.

I agree. It's a stupid thing to ask, especially when most people don't really want to know the answer.

However, as it's an ingrained social custom, I've learned to play the game and just say "fine, thanks" whenever I'm asked, regardless of how I'm really feeling.

I really hate small talk.

I just have an automatic response of "Im fine thank you, how are you?"

If they continue talking, then its the bit after that that I hate and am scared of, because then I'm all out of automatic responses and have no idea what I'm supposed to say.

To the OP, I have read your posts and you are obviously frustrated with life right now.

Please explore this site a bit more, there is the Haven if you need to vent or rant, and an area where other members your age post too.

Welcome to WP.

It has taken me 25 years to understand how to answer "How are you?" from passers by in the hallways at work.

I have an automatic response of "Good, and you?" that I now deploy when I get up from my desk. I post a smiley face on the wall outside my cube to remind me to smile and load that automated response in my head so I don't appear "intimidating" or "creepy" to others in the office.

This means I cannot walk to the restroom while thinking about work. I must think about automated responses and smiling so I don't get called in to HR again, but if I concentrate, I can get back to my desk without incident most of the time.

What I have learned is that the automated response needs to change as current culture changes. My automated response works well in a professional environment but at a party 'sup' might work better. I avoid non-professional situations as automated replies tend to not work well in them and I have nothing after the automated reply but a blank stare into their shoes...

This issue, specifically, is what eventually drove me to investigate myself and led to my diagnosis.

We were given guidance at work that this is purely convention and the correct response is not, "fine, and you?" or, "fine, thanks. How are you?" but simply to repeat the utterance:

Person A " How are you?"
Person B: "How are you?"

To answer the greeting as if it were an actual question, we were told, is to waste everyone's time.