Sometimes I Wish I Had Never Heard of Autism

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Sometimes I wish I had never found out I had autism when I think back to how blissful I was before I knew I had autism. I felt more interesting and unique, and that I could do anything, instead of "just another Aspie, who cares."

You can still be interesting and unique, even if you are Aspie.

Aspie-ness doesn't cancel creative productions.

Not knowing why I or exactly how I was unique and exactly why it caused problems was frustrating. Without the explanation the only logicical conclusion was charactor flaws and weakness as a person.

First of all, JohnnyLurg is a cool name.

Secondly, you should settle back in and remember how cool and interesting you are with time. It's natural to be self-conscious of things sometimes, but that will wear off.

No one who knows you cares that you're autistic. They care that you are you.

Before I knew I was autistic, I thought there was something terribly wrong with me. After I was told at the age of 15, I had a better understanding of why I am the way I am.

I'm not sure how common it is to come from a background where your family is supportive of your autism traits and you reach adulthood or near adulthood without any or many self-esteem issues. Maybe I'm misunderstanding Johnny, but this is the impression I get from him.

I know that this does happen sometimes because that's how the family I married into is. I personally know another family who is like that, maybe to a lesser degree in supporting the traits, but they actively support each other. One older member is handing his business over to a younger member and altering it to be more aspie-friendly, all without formal diagnoses or acknowledgement of autism. With my in-laws and this other family I know, the autism label would only serve a minor purpose. It wouldn't change their lives in most ways.

Sometimes when things are working, it can be weird to then reframe yourself as being "socially disabled." It may not fit in practice, although it's a technically accurate diagnosis. You know? You're not really disabled- you're doing okay. Maybe I'm putting all that badly. I'm tired today.

There are a lot of downsides to not knowing that your autistic though, like thinking that your an idiot when you have trouble with socializing and everyone expecting you to be fine with routine changes and loud environments. It is definitely nice to feel unique sometimes but that often comes with the feeling that nobody understands you.

The single worst time in my life so far could have been made a lot better if I understood autism better then the rudimentary understanding I had at the time, I was lead to believe that I was a failure and my mom seemed to think that too, and the meltdowns I had made matters worse because I didn't know why I was doing it and my mom thought that it was just bad behavior.

...I...wonder.........

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

When I was a general weirdo... people didn't understand me just cuz. And they found mystery to it. AND I was an individual.

As an aspie... people still don't understand me. But now they have a name for it. And now everything I am and do carries that name. Also I am not an individual. I am part of a group of people with Asperger's.

There was nothing blissful before, I don't know how if anything would be different. Probably worse off not knowing I'm not a total freak and there are others like me soft of out there.