Aspergers & Family

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Since my family really don't understand me, they think they know more than me & know everything about me, they think because they are family, that give them the right to know about me. I wasn't diagnosed with aspergers until my early adulthood, I knew something was wrong with me. Anyway, I started not talking too much to my family in my teens & I become bored at family parties. When there is a holiday party or get together for somebody's birthday, somebody email me & I tell them I can't make it, I try explaining to them, but they won't listen. I do have sooooo much trouble taking to them & I get so uncomfortable being there for alot of hours. I'm not close with my family, I get along with 2 people, my grandmother & my cousin.

Do you have to go to family parties?

They can't force you to go. You do have a choice here.

I had a disagreement with my grandmother last year and have not gone to family gatherings since then. While I do plan to reconcile with her in the near future, I put my foot down on this and told everyone that it would just be too uncomfortable for me and I was skipping out on it for the sake of my own well-being. Perhaps you will need to do something similar.

That said, I would personally try to continue going to family events given what you've said... family is important and often an excellent support. However, you do need to establish some boundaries and stand firm on them. What I would do next time is ask that certain topics or questions be off-limits and state that you will not come unless people agree to this. If they do not agree, don't go, no matter how much they try to persuade you or guilt trip you. If they bring up those topics after agreeing, firmly remind them. If that doesn't work, excuse yourself from the party temporarily or just leave entirely.

That should help make it clear how you feel and how seriously you take it. I would also ask your grandmother and cousin for advice!

I'm an adult so I just avoid it all, but I have been where you are when I was younger and it sucked having to go. Family does eventually get over it, and stops trying to invite after a while. If you don't wanna explain why you don't want to go to parties, you can ignore the invitations. I usually delete email invites. Get really comfortable telling people who confront you, "no thanks." I just say it over and over, until they give up.

If it truly makes you feel bad, stick to your guns and don't go.

It can be worth it to try to make some people understand you. My husband and his younger brother didn't get along when they were growing up. As adults, they had a conversation once where my brother in law opened up and my husband realized he wasn't understanding him very well. They still don't care to hang out together socially, but they now feel comfortable asking each other for help when they need it. I've noticed that they'll stick up for each other now instead of making fun or being critical.

It can be nice to have more family support.

I find that I generally have nothing to say or add to the conversation so I just stay to myself.

Imagine your whole family is either autistic or many have autistic traits. That is why mine isnt is difficult to be around as an autie.

My mom doesn't force me to, but I sometimes like to go. My family is actually pretty nice. There are a few members that make me uncomfortable, but overall, they are a nice group.