Has this ever happened to you?

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My family which should be my support network acts like I don't have the brains God gave a turnip. No matter what I do they take the attitude that I can't do anything right.

Personally I think I do quite well. I paid off my house earlier this year, I've been in the same job for more than 15 years, and I've been in a stable relationship for more than 8 years

By contrast, I have a brother who is the family screw up. He's been in & out of jail, never been able to keep a job, and refuses to take any responsibility for himself. When he needed a
place to stay, my family broke into my house & moved him in over my strenuous objections. Not only that, I was unconscious on an operating table at the time. He refuses to leave. The police refuse to get involved because it's a domestic matter. My family has washed their hands of the matter--it seems that they'd rather have him f*ck up my life rather than admit that they made a mistake & take responsibility for it.

The more I try to talk to them the more determined they are to *not* understand. They treat me like I'm a horrible person for not wanting to support a deadbeat who won't contribute anything and to be honest, the reason I don't care about his problems--most of which are his own making is because I'm busy with my own.

This is frustrating, confusing & infuriating. What can I do to get my point across that doesn't involve jail time?

Hmmmm.

It sounds as if you might be the family scapegoat (a role parents can saddle you with) - and possibly your brother got the star role of "the golden child".

This kind of triangulation happens in toxic families, usually where one or both parents are narcissistic to the degree of having a cluster B personality disorder. You can't change that (if that is the scenario).

You are treated with complete disrespect, as scapegoated adult children typically are. Do some reading on this, maybe join a support group or two or three or four until you find the one that is the right fit for you. It's worth it and you are worth it. Time to start shaking off the toxic clutches of these abusers. Support is the first step toward that.

B19 nailed it. It's pretty typical psychology of a toxic and abusive family unfortunately. They tend to single out the child who stands out as it is and exploit it to protect themselves from the other family members.

Since the police ruled it a civil matter,your brother is now legally a squatter. You're going to need to start the eviction process ASAP! Round up your documentation, including proof that you notified the police in a timely manner, and lawyer up. Take his ass to court. It's the only legal way to get rid of him now.

And personally, if it was me, I would get a restraining order. Your family has proven they are willing to break the law and commit crimes against you (breaking into your property and moving someone in while the property is still occupied is home invasion. Period). It'd be a good idea to protect yourself from any retaliation that may occur when you evict your brother.

Good luck. It sounds like you have a solid case.

OP, perhaps it would also be useful to look up some links on what is called "traumatic bonding" (as well as "scapegoat role in narcissistic abuse" "adult children of narcissists in recovery".) It's pretty hard to break free if these apply unless you have a knowledge of them and the realisation that it is not (and never was) just a personal thing about you in your particular family. Scapegoats who don't have external reference points that provide information tend to internalise the abusers' relentless blaming and shaming. The old saying "the truth shall set you free" really applies very acutely to the victims of narcissistic families.

If this is you, then I hope this day is day 1 of your transition from victim to survivor. It takes a lot of time and a lot of healing, though the journey is more important than the goal, for most of it. Discovery, uncovery, recovery and (eventually) freedom of the soul are beautiful processes that heal not only terrible past wounds but reach into the essence of who we are and can be, once we are liberated from the toxic legacy and dynamics of harmful families - most especially this kind of harmful family (which in my experience, inflicts the greatest damage).

Good luck. And all the best with whichever kind of journey you chose from here.

Knowledge is a form of power, and may it empower you.

Mon died in 2002, Dad in 1983. My sister is the self proclaimed keeper of the family flame, and has decided that my brother needs to be looked after--This despite the fact that My brother basically drove my dad to an early grave, and my mom into bankruptcy while ruining her life.

My brother has *NO* legal claim to the property, *AND* my mother specifically stated that she never wanted me to be responsible for him. My family takes the attitude that mom's wishes don't matter since she's no longer with us. I've told my family that ignoring the facts doesn't change the facts, but they seem to be selectively deaf.

My brother has been a screw up since he was 15. He's 58 now. Everything he touches turns to crap. Nobody's luck is that bad. Statistically speaking, he should have accidentally done something right. My neighbors think I'm the older of us since I have the house, job, and all the responsibilities.

Is it true to say that the reason you are in this situation because that's what your sister wants?

Believe it or not, I had him served with an eviction notice. He ignored it & the police refused to enforce it. Cops in my city don't like to get involved in domestic disputes, which is why people tend to end up dead in domestic disputes

Can you let or sell the place and relocate yourself somewhere else? Can you employ security guards to move him out and keep him out?

I guess its the choice between "the lesser of two evils" as the saying goes. Only you can know which one is best for you.

Things you could do:

Consult a lawyer.
Throw his stuff out of the door.
Change locks when he goes to the store (plan ahead with a locksmith).