SUCCESSFULLY MANAGE AUTISM & THEY SAY YOU ARE NOT AUTISTIC!

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Does it make you mad as hell that you struggle for years in my case 41 years to fit in enough to fool most people into buying your neurotypical act. Then you start telling people you are autistic because; good as your neurotypical act is you will make some mistakes. Then you get that person who says. OH you are NOT autistic because you don't fit that stereotype of what an autistic person is supposed to be.

I get that crap all the time because; today I don't fit the autism stereotype. For the majority of my life I fit the autism stereotype so well no one would hire me. I used to fit the autism stereotype so well that people felt I was, crazy a ret*d or just too weird to risk hiring even when I did the job best of all the applicants.

I have problems with being touched so I tell the blood drawing lady what to do you draw blood from me. I have a structure that lets blood be drawn without issue. I explain that I have autism and must look at the place where I am going to be touched so I can suppress my usual violent response. The blood lady says oh you don't have autism. I go to work and it is extremely difficult to do my job related tasks all day while suppressing autism related negatives I barely have managed. I'm struggling to act normal for the time I am at work and it is painful \ tiring. Yet because; I am not having meltdowns at work (much) people say Oh Wolf you don't have autism.

I struggle so hard to fit in when I am out and about among the neurotypicals in the workplace and in their world that it hurts when they say I don't have autism. The only reasons these people don't think I have autism is because; for 50 years I have perfected looking normal and fitting in so I can survive in this aspie hating society.

Are you familiar with the terms "masking" and "passing" (used vis a vis AS)? Women on the spectrum seem to experience this and the issues that stem from it far more than men, so a man's perspective on this is fairly unusual here, and all the more interesting for that.

It is very difficult. You feel strongly what they don't see. Or, when they see it, they don't get it, so they insist you are just weird, shy, or insecure when you're not. And it's understandable that to them your communication/body language means something different than what it does to you. But, it is very frustrating. If certain people at work joke with me sarcastically, I may take time to process and try to figure out if they are joking. So they think I'm offended or shy. They wouldn't believe I don't quite get it, even though I'm the one feeling that and I'm the one telling them what I feel. My whole life people have told me what I think and feel instead of asking or listening--perhaps you can relate. Then they wonder why you want little to do with them. At least there are many other people who are understanding, open, and communicative. They are just in the minority, but necessary to seek out.

The stereotyping frustrates me, too, because I work with some autistic individuals who have an intellectual disability. They have goals, such as social skills, to work on. Yet, if you and I have learned some of these skills through our own constant observation and copying, people don't want to believe we could be on the spectrum. And, of course, without an intellectual disability it is easier to work on these skills yourself, so they don't necessarily see all the hard work you've done over your life--something we both are probably very aware of. We may not understand why other people are different, but we notice the differences very much. For that reason, I've always felt like I had to be two people, especially as I reached my teens and social/academic/professional responsibilities and pressures increased. I'm learning to let more of my traits show because otherwise I will totally burn out and crash. But, it can be so hard to "turn off" after a day of being this normalized version of myself. Unfortunately, if you try explaining that to people then they just hear you saying your life is harder, when all you're doing is explaining the specific difficulties you have.

If you've spent 40 years "learning to act normal" and people think you are "normal", then mission accomplished...? If you are frustrated toward people's reaction to you telling them you're autistic then just don't tell them. They don't think it anyway so no harm done.

Your logic is great. The problem is NT's think I am normal until I slip up and let a bit of autism show through at an unexpected time. The poor shocked NT's then act like I betrayed them into thinking I was normal which is why I tell them. Oh please if my normal act was flawless and I never screwed up, your advice would be the bomb. No NT's get all hurt and angry when my neurotypical act gets derailed when some unexpected event overload my behavior management automation systems. I wish being autistic was as cut and dry as your answer suggests we would not need this forum

Yep, overcome something or do something despite how agonizing it was to get past, yep, get met with cynicism. In real life and even on here at times.

Hi Wolf were you in a PBS documentary?

Yes I was the black man in the movie Neurotypical the PBS \ POV documentary. I've help you if I am able to.

I was really moved by your part in that doco, the way you described how you got your diagnosis was really something special. I play that back in my head some times like some sort of weird echolalia. I hope you don't find that strange.

My chief special interest is watching documentaries and podcasts "neurotypical" helped me come around to the understanding that I was on the spectrum. In that way its a life-changing piece of documentary work.

I thought how you described your emotional response to the scene in the "Jungle Book" was really interesting, I've also had very emotional responses to scenes in movies and only now do I realize that it was because of my autism.

Sorry this is way too personal, but I'm terrible at small talk.

Being autistic I am not bound by the traditional limitations and cultural handups that are most common among those in NT human society. I have and had stronger than normal reactions to movies and TV shows because; they often serve as places I get the insights needed to survive among the NT's in their world. I have emotional responses when I see people \ characters embrace aspects of the human experience that have hurt and confused me in the past. Humanity loves suggesting it is this all encompassing place of tolerance and welcome when in fact for an autistic being NT society is often hostile, frightened and narrow minded.

With me simply ask your questions and make whatever kind of talk suits you. My systems respond to all questions I am able to understand.

I'm exactly the same; films, docos, serve as an invaluable window into the neurotypical world. It can be difficult to explain how important they are to most people who treat them simply as light entertainment.

What are your favourite films then? I'm really interested to know.

You are talking to a man with well over 25,000 DVD's of TV shows and movies from all era's. I try to learn from everything. To live in this NT culture you must study all its attributes. To limit yourself in your study of NT culture is to be caught unprepared. One's ability to survive requires I look at all that I can understand.

Sorry if this is not the answer you wanted.

I theorize that language is a form of measurement when we speak to each other what makes our conversation cohesive are "known quantities"(I'm using a term coined by another poster). Your answer "25,000 DVDs" conforms to this theory you wanted to express something and you did it very well.
Have you ever watched any movies by the English director Mike Leigh?

It is frustrating. I have only recently (last couple of years) begun to think I may be and am currently seeking professional with experience diagnosing adults to confirm or refute. When I mention it to most people their first reacton is to dismiss it out of hand.

"Oh its just that you are smart, smart people always struggle socially" is a recent example.

I am 43 years old and have a high IQ. Over the years I have learned to pass as normal with a great deal of effort, though people still labeled me as weird. I still get 'it' wrong socially more often than not. Try to explain that to someone though and they just kind of blink and reset. They would much prefer to think I am a smart, socially inept person who can be blunt to the point of rudeness than I am a smart person with a condition they don't understand.

I could never pass 100%.

I get frustrated because people sorta see me as normal but theres still something off they cant quite put their finger on and it makes me seem just rude, or inappropriate.

Most people who know about my diagnoses really do try and help out and make life easier. My family understands that life is tough for me and im trying my best to fit in. Im very appreciative of my family.