Am I alright or what is wrong with me?

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Hello,



First of I am sorry for the selection of the Screen-Name just do not want to get noticed. What I mean is that to make sure no way to identify me visiting these boards under normal browsing. I know, it is possible to obtain the information for the webmaster / moderator. But since I am not doing anything illegal like to maintain my privacy more. Reason came here is because trying to learn more about this disorder. Me, myself never have been diagnosed with the disease. Not sure if I fit in any forms of this disorder or not. (sorry for so many I's not sure other way to put it). I like, Electronics, Robotics and all forms of technology.I build my Computers myself to any advanced level. Right here on my desk are sitting about 4 Electronic books. Such things as using Computers to program Micro controllers. not to far off me, tons of Math books, Math cdroms. Trying to learn C# sharp to later get Microsoft's Robotics studio. I use Linux, any flavors do not bother me. Realize my point here is to describe my interests a little or allot to get hang of my brain. Never been to this forum before so others have no way to know me. In High School few years ago taken an Electronics course did well. Almost finished with my Electronics degree. Have plans to pursue Robotics but have a dreaded problem.


But what prompted me to this board was a bit of research. First off, I was recommended to a Autistic foundation "for any guidance" few years ago. As part of Court hearings( not a felon but over my person loss (loss of life) and private and do not want to share it here). I am still living with my mom, (age not disclosed again for privacy but hint: Fit Generation Y) never had a first job. I am alone most of the time, while my mom works. I cry myself to sleep daily. Because I do not want to be on her Neck. But, I am afraid of certain situations such as living in dorms. What life like living alone? It is a constant fear. Goodness sometimes feel like an 8 year old. Because I do not produce, rather consume. Recently started my own business though online and hoping it will offer some income. Built it myself, hosting it myself on Linux. To help out, to a certain degree.



I used to have friends and one who was a heavy back stabber. I still have a best friend in the whole wide world. Although he is recently married, has a job in the real world. So try not to bother him. He does want me to come over to meet his wife, as I was too afraid to fly over to another State during marriage "myself". All sorts of thoughts were going through my head to take the flight. Anyhow, he also calls me brilliant (again these lines are not for bragging rights or show off, my point again is who I am not dumber down). As was writing this up, he called me, wants to take me to dinner. Not just anything can eat as have eating problems. Swallowing food going on 9 or so years now. Certain foods needs to be done on a mixer so imagine how embarrassing that can be. He is a very good friend for not even giving up on me and my issues. My main problem is "If I do this" "What action should I expect?" highly afraid of rejections, reprisals and if people have bad opinion of me (shy away). For instance take a car, even though I closed my friends door correctly. I had to wait zillion times for his approval. If I did it correctly, although did it correctly each and every time! Worrying did I slam the door too hard and possibly breaking anything?



Always think of my past, present and resulting actions of everything. Love neatness, god forbid my mom moves things that look not neat to me. Have to set it up a certain way only to be happy. Everything has to be sequential and in a logical way and must exactly be that way. If things are incorrectly ordered pick it up quickly and rearrange it to be like a list (typical of left brain thinkers). Did a quiz online, it said am mostly left. But the test is not scientifically proven. My IQ is normal according to other tests it even given me few extra points then the average. Fast witted and sometimes can turn a situation around. Other times very anxious and lost. If someone hurts me spiritually it will mean the whole day is wasted. Will keep replaying, replaying the mean hurtful things. Will try to analyze again and again the situation what led up to it and way it was done , said etc. My teeth started to appear later then most infants and speech was slighlt delayed. My walking was not too bad but mom did say was a bit awkward until got bit older. Later bloomer as she puts it.

So am I autistic to a certain degree or have some other problem? Now, I know forums are not meant for diagnosis. Especially not knowing the person at all. Just what would you possibly conclude from the above? Do not know, seeing a shrink does not make me comfortable. As it associates normally people who are out of their mind. I am sometimes in my own world but very responsive and easily can tune to anything at any given moment. Also since I am working age do not want to have it on the cards. Keep in mind, I do want to work, But I am so afraid of anything that I barely leave my house without my mom. She is the one paying half the time at the counter. Although I can count the money myself but afraid to be cheated on. It is like she is with a small kid although I am a young grown man. I do not want to be a burden, really I do. Bought a self help book other day in Barnels and Nobles.


This post is not neat had to think of my qualities both good and bad. It is not easy to do that being the sole person.

Thanks for reading

You sound, quite literally, like a textbook case of AS.

You have narrow interests, social difficulties, stick to a routine, etc.

"Gooble-gobble, gooble-gobble, one of us, one of us."

I'd like to preface this all by saying that you should in no way consider my opinion remotely professional.

I'm not one to diagnose others, but it sounds to me like you have some form of chronic anxiety or another; if you haven't any qualms about taking medication, I'd suggest seeking a psychiatrist who could put you on something to calm your nerves. Although I despise prescription medication, I can say from personal experience that drugs such as Ativan can certainly get the job done. But still, there's no way I can offer anything more than speculation in this regard; I'm hardly qualified even to make the above observations; you do, as you have stated, display many traits of Asperger Syndrome as well, and I'm sure a professional opinion would be much more helpful than mine in your case.

I can, however, offer you some advice. Now, I'm younger than you, so I once again have the lower hand here, but I can say this: A few years back, I had a lot of the same problems you're describing here, at least the social issues. The best advice I can give you is that you have to put a little more confidence in those around you. People are startlingly empathetic creatures, and they have quite a willingness to forgive and accept those around them. Stop worrying about any faux pas you might make along the way; ninety percent of the time, people won't care. Don't refrain from asserting yourself in fear of rejection; those around you should (and will) adapt to you, just as you are expected to adapt to them. If you are faced with rejection or humiliation, consider this; are the kind of people who are so unforgiving really the kind of people you want to be around anyway?

Above all, do what feels right; I have discovered, time and time again, that impulse is the only rational course of action in nearly every situation. And once again, I urge you to disregard my opinion in full, and wait for someone older to reply to your query. Hope everything works out for you, autism or otherwise.

(Note: Edited grammar's sake.)

It was a South Park reference. And I am no professional either.

Runaway,

AS isn't a disease:

"dreaded problem"? I'm ALSO interested in electronics, robotics, computers, etc... Though I never mentioned computers here per se, it is implied and I DID mention work with DNC which is a kind of robotics.

I doubt you REALLY mean you build computers yourself, but I HAVE built one. Wirewrapped! Of course, I assembled many(which is what most today mean when they say built). I learned a ton of computer languages.(Though I only really know a little more than a half dozen now, ones I learned include Pascal, Basic, Fortran, Korn, COBOL, C, C++,DIBOL, FORTRAN, LISP, FORTH, 6502, 80386, VAX Macro, PDP 11,PERL, PHP,Z80, and a few others) Your love for order is like I used to be. I got tired of MY mother constantly changing things! I recently DID decide to do what I could to get back to how I was. To a fair degree you sound like I am. It sounds like your doctor may have been right. But HEY, it IS known as the "geek disease"! Again, you don't catch it, it isn't acquired, it isn't contagious, and isn't necessarily bad, so it isn't a disease. HEY, I built a CAREER on it!

And I didn't say anything to brag either. Heck, as good as one is, there is ALWAYS someone better. The only one I really try to compete with is myself and my own perceptions.

Steve

Runaway,

Roxas_XIII is right. I wasn't refering to Autism at all, even though AS is considered on the high end of the spectrum, etc...

Steve

Wait a minute! Are you new here?

If so, welcome!

Yes you definitely have Asperger's Syndrom.

You may not have 100% of the symptoms but very few people actually do.

Just remember, you don't have to think of it as a "disease" you are really just "different". And everyone breaks from the norm at least a little, you just break from it more then most other people.

Just learn to get out of your comfort zone once in a while. I just signed up for Speech II and Drama for my senior year of high school just for that purpose (and I had nothing else to take, not enough computer classes!). I also managed to ask a girl to the prom.... turns out she wasn't going, which was somewhat of a disappointment but I still felt better afterwards.