Only comfortable in nature

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It's been a while since I started a new thread.

I'm going to go out on a limb that I am not the only one who can only truly feel comfortable when I'm removed from civilization and just alone with my thoughts surrounded by nature? So much of this modern world upsets my very sensitive nervous system but when I can just sit beneath a tree and breath good air without a single other human being in sight, then ahhh I have found paradise.

I don't know how others can accept this human world as normal. It's so jarringly horrendous to me. Even something as ubiquitous as a four walled room. To me this is a cage. This whole civilization experiment just seems like a cage. Our minds are much more powerful than what we're allowed to express in this box world.

Yes.
There are times I daydream to go to such places, alone and without disturbance.

There are times I had a very strong urge to get away... Not because of lack of peace, but because of being tied down in one place it's suffocating.


I would've like to live and to walk the earth as I please, with nothing to tie me down.



But I'm just too bound and attached, perhaps too afraid or too guilty.

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me too. sometimes i want to be one those people who are always on the road, and that sleep in their vehicle. or one of those people who own a farm. it sounds like freedom to me. too bad i have no money and i can't work.

A few days ago I did a bit, and then about 30 minutes or so today. That is to start clearing a nearby footpath that has become impassable and overgrown. The local council do not really have the funds. I am not supposed to be doing it, and I can't do much at a time, but the end goal which may take ages, is to clear the path. It is about a mile long. The good thing about it is once I cut my way through the brambles and growth to pass my neighbours house I will be completely alone by myself in the countryside! This path was rarely walked, so when it was used, it was not used that often and needs a decent pair of wellies to get through even in the summer! The last time I remember walking it, it was when we used to have a dog. It was the last time I walked it and walked the dog as she had to be put down. She loved the walk and so did I.

It is a big thing for me to cut these brambles because I can only do a little at a time. Before I hit so many burnouts I could work a full day. I can't force myself now. I could not do it if I was employed as I can't work under any sort of pressure. I just go there and do a little bit at my own pace and then when I have had enough I walk back home.

I can't tell anyone else I am doing it though if my neighbour has seen me she won't mind, as she tried to walk it with her dog and could only get so far, so she won't likely say anything to anyone, as officially I am not supposed to be clearing it. It is supposed to be cleared by the athorities... But waiting for them to do it could take years! I have already slowly felled a few trees to be able to get past on another beautiful ancient path/track which is rarely used, and goes past another neighbours beautiful holiday cottage with its sea views. Most of up here has sea views or glimpses of sea views of varying viewyness so it is a nice path to keep clear. I like it.

When I finally get this almost a mile of path clear, I can walk down it and come back on the other ancient lane type path past the cottage to come home on, so I will be able to walk a loop which will be around a mile and a half to two miles so it will be exciting. Why I don't want anyone to know I am clearing it, is these days we are not supposed to have on our possession anything sharp unless we are official workers. This country has gone crazy. I think my nephew said they have to be 14 to use plastic bladed scissors and 18 to use metal scissors? I was using a pen knife (Carefully) from the age of 7 as I have lived on a smallholding since the age of 4. So it is rather wierd the stupid rules and regulations we have today.

Being alone in nature I can unmask and be myself in front of God. Only me and God.

I developed schizoid personality at mid childhood and yes, I prefer and have always likes to be alone in nature for various reasons, besides after a lifetime of being ridiculed, bullied at home (yeah, I'm stubborn):

-I can be my pure self in nature, without stressors of machine life.
-The feeling of the wind is pleasant on my skin.
-The nearby forest is full of tall, wise trees.
-Nature inspires me to write and do art.
-I can sit alone and think and breathe without worrying about telepathic occurrences, night time hallucinations, anxiety, amongst other things I experience. It also takes the emotional weight off my mind.
-The smells of the forest are relaxing.
-I can remove myself, successfully depersonalise in nature, after a lifetime of socially viewing the world as an outsider and in a dream-like state due to impaired sleep patters and likely chemical imbalance.
-Time does not exist in nature.
-Photography.
-Less/No people.
-People make me paranoid and weary. OK, I am weary around people and paranoid, on edge.
-I plant trees. It is my job. If I look after Earth, Earth will look after me.
-Sometimes, for once, it doesn't feel like theres an external force watching me all the time.
-Self analysing : reduces.

My sensory issues were much more severe in childhood and teenager, they have got better more recently. Nature is a pleasant, relaxing environment anyway.

When I was small, the city grew around our house. We moved out to the countryside again when I was 11, and I felt very lost and bored, sitting by a very nice creek. I was not interested in nature. I moved back to an even bigger city ASAP, and then spent my best years in a small city. Then, opportunity and rising costs sent me back to rural life. I finally compromised on a small town, but with an option to go to a farm during noisy events. I enjoyed exploring the local nature and watching the seasons. Now, I can happily examine the glacier-mix of gravel under my nose as I sunbathe, and then turn a stone over to marvel at the insects, etc.
I know wild berry pickers who won't get out of their truck without a high-powered rifle, and others who are quite content to just keep an eye on the bears. I'm with the co-existers. There's a watchdog who barks at everyone except his owner and me.
A friend of mine is a tree surgeon, and one year, he noticed that the Beavers on his land had lost their pond water in a drought. This made life very dangerous for them. So, he'd just drop off some branches for them to eat when he had some to dispose of. In the spring, he was out walking with his wife and a Beaver came right up to them, left a green branch, and left.