People getting paranoid by me walking behind them

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I'm not totally sure this belongs in General Autism Discussion forum, but I couldn't find a better one that's a definite fit. It isn't really quite about social skills in the usual sense, I don't think.

Anyway, yeah. I seem to get a lot of instances of people getting paranoid when I'm walking behind them, sometimes to the point of glancing over their shoulder at me meaningfully, then stepping aside to let me pass, transparently pretending to be checking their phone for a message or somesuch. It mostly seems to happen with women, but happens with lone men, too, even in broad daylight.

I do try to keep a certain distance (a few meters, at least) unless it's a truly crowded environment. It complicates things a little that my comfortable walking speed is above most people's, so unless I make a constant effort to go really slow, I'm going to come up behind them. And be stuck there if there's no room to pass.

Probably one part of it is my aspie eccentricity setting them off, in the form of eccentric appearance, gait, facial expressions, body language, etc. I think it would be very difficult to change some of these even if I wanted to, and I'm not really interested in changing the rest. It's not like I look like a stereotypical mugger... nor should I be all that scary considering I'm rather skinny.

Some instances are just plain idiocy that I think I can safely write off, like the bunch of teen girls who complained loudly about 'being followed' and glared back at me... when they and I had just gotten off a commuter train and happened to be going to the same part of the adjacent bus terminal. I'm curious what I could do to mitigate the rest, though.

My usual strategy is go somewhere else, cross the street, etc. Or go by bicycle.

Sure, I try to do that when it's an option. Often it isn't, though, at least not a reasonable one; I'll be damned if I'll take massive detours just to calm their paranoia.

I don't think cycling is a good idea in current local conditions. I'm pretty dyspraxic and have been known to injure myself just walking in the snow and ice. Biking in the same conditions is just asking for trouble.

I often get this too. Like you, my comfortable walking speed is a lot faster than average; there are only a few people who can 'keep up with me', so to speak.
What I tend to do when there's someone walking in front of me and it may seem that I'm following them, I simply overtake them. If they're moving at a speed that's close to mine, but still a little bit slower than my own normal walking speed, or even if they are walking at my normal speed, I start walking at a slightly faster tempo, and keep this up even after I've passed them by.
When there's a whole group of people walking alongside each other on the sidewalk, and I can't pass, I take to the cycling strip or the road, and pass them that way.
I'm not concerned with coming across as a creep or a mugger, because I tend to look at the ground while walking, or am focused on something else, but never people. So I tend to look like someone who's moving toward a destination, as opposed to someone who's interested in the people around him.

Maybe it's not you. Some people get paranoid about most people walking behind them, especially if that person is male or no one else is around.

Yeah, I do that when I can, minor detours into cycle lanes/the road included. Sometimes the act of passing them by gets me an even stranger look than continuing on behind them, but at least after that they'll not be an issue anymore. I find myself in a lot of places where there isn't much space available relative to the number of pedestrians, though, so not always an option.



I used to do that when I lived somewhere more sparsely populated. I can't really anymore - I need to focus more or less along my path and continuously attempt to predict what people in it are going to do, or I'm likely to bump into them. I get people bumping into *me* when I should've been obvious and had been maintaining the same steady trajectory for minutes, or sometimes even when standing still.

My fellow man is suffering from big-city syndrome, I suppose: stress, tunnel vision, paranoia and a number of other symptoms.

Same here. Like a few days ago when walking to school. I was in the street, walking behind two of my classmates, that hadn't noticed me. When we arrived at the school gates:
classmate: oh, hi
me: hi *smiling* I've been following you all this time
other classmate: OMG, never do it again!
However, most of the times it's me getting paranoid by people walking behind my back, expecially if they are girls, because I was once shocked in middle school when a girl walked behind my back and she suddenly hugged me from behind. Well, I didn't expect it, and I didn't like it.

I once heard someone saying to their friend that I was following them. They said this after I had spent less than a minute walking behind them. I wasn't even that close to them :/. It was very crowded at the time, and other people were closer to them than me..

I didn't think that I looked very threatening, I was a 12-year-old school girl at the time...

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Especially before diagnosis, I would be afraid of any stranger walking behind me when we were alone, because I couldn't work out what people's intentions were. I can sympathise with NTs who feel afraid when around Aspies.

Last edited by JellyCat on 19 Jan 2013, 5:04 pm, edited 7 times in total.

Yes. Women sometimes get clingy when I do this with them too. They think I'm walking right behind them. It must give them a feeling of unease, as though I'm going to sneak up behind them and grab 'em or something.

Funny thing is, half the time I don't even know I'm doing it!

I think you might be walking too close to them. They think you're following them, which would make anybody nervous.

If you must walk faster, make sure it's fast enough that you can easily pass them, making it obvious that you are not following them, and give them plenty of space when you pass.

I think it's probably a matter of common courtesy to try not to give the impression that you're stalking somebody. It's scary to think you're being followed, and they'd have no clue that you simply walk fast.

I get paranoid about anyone walking behind me. It doesn't matter what they look like. Or what their gender is.

I usually try to carry on and not let the paranoia take over, but often I have to stop to let them pass, step into a shop I don't want to go to, cross the road or whatever to ease the paranoia. Of course it often then starts all over again with another person walking behind me....!

Try not to take it personally. It says more about the paranoid person than about you.

Try not to walk directly behind people (walking in their footsteps). Walk a little to the left or right if you have to be behind them.

I don't put up with that. I simply tell her to move aside and walk past.
Also, on hotel elevator and only other passenger is woman. And, omg!, she's going to same floor. I can immediately sense her unease. This is the time to ditch the manners and get out of that elevator first, even if it means shoving past her to get around. You never want to be in situation where your room is in same direction as hers down the hall. Otherwise she will fall down in tremors and shakes.

I get people staring at me like I'm weird, but at the same time nobody looks paranoid when I'm walking/standing near them. In fact strangers always seem to not mind being in my personal space, but I hate strangers being too close to me.

Part of being safe in a city is situational awareness, which means noticing anything odd or potentially threatening, and then acting to secure the situation. I'm sorry to say that since the "lone wolf" terrorist attacks, people feel increasingly uneasy in crowds.

I think you should just ignore it if someone thinks you're following them, or use one of the suggestions above, such as passing them, looking at the ground, moving off to one side, etc.

It seems as if this is about you, but I assure you, it's about them far more.

No matter whom it is about, they can preëmptively beat you up all the same.