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Study on adult male aspie happinness

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ASPartOfMe
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05 Aug 2016, 12:34 am

Never mind statistics: Adults with autism may be happy


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Darmok
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05 Aug 2016, 12:45 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Adults with autism may be happy


Or they may not be.

"The study used a broad definition of friendship, including people the men simply saw from time to time, says Adam Helles, clinical psychologist at the University of Gothenburg in Sweden. 'It was kind of surprising that even under that very loose definition of friendship, there were a lot of guys who really had no friends at all.'"


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auntblabby
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05 Aug 2016, 1:02 am

I suspect a lot, maybe a majority of adult male aspies converse not with a single other soul, not even as the most casual of acquaintances.



Trekkie83
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05 Aug 2016, 6:19 am

-"48% Have never had a relationship."
-"22% Are currently single."

Am I missing something?


As for myself, in general, I'm not particularly unhappy. However, I feel like a lot of other people around me feel like I should be unhappy because I'm not living the way they think I should (a "normal" life).



kraftiekortie
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05 Aug 2016, 6:48 am

At least they are conducting studies on adult Aspies. It's a start.



SocOfAutism
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05 Aug 2016, 8:00 am

My husband has a nice thing he likes to say. I don't know where he got it from. Maybe someone else will know.

He says that every time you see a hot girl, you should remember that some other guy has to deal with her bullsh**.

Food for thought, maybe.

ASPartOfMe- thanks for putting this up! I don't always get to see Swedish studies, and some of these numbers match what I found. I will be using this!



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05 Aug 2016, 8:19 am

Some other guy has to deal with her at her worst in order to deserve her at her best. Not much comfort when you know you can't earn a thousandth of that no matter what you do or put up with.


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SocOfAutism
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05 Aug 2016, 8:30 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Some other guy has to deal with her at her worst in order to deserve her at her best. Not much comfort when you know you can't earn a thousandth of that no matter what you do or put up with.


You can put too much into that. Does the other person deserve YOU?

On that Autism In Love documentary, there's a guy on there with what I think is a brilliant formula: Looks (25%) + Personality (25%) + How They Treat You (50%). You can't let yourself get too dazzled by the way someone looks or how interesting they are if they treat you like sh**. Sometimes you have to give people a chance in some other categories if they are being cool to you.



DataB4
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05 Aug 2016, 8:48 am

The study seems to focus on milestones, but not on how the men felt about meeting, or not meeting, these milestones. At least, that's how the article portrays the study.

Also, what about other factors that influence the happiness of intelligent people? For me, these include meaningful work (not just work), being creative, exercising my mind, engaging in deep discussions, having hobbies, enjoying sensory experiences, overcoming challenges, facing fears, ETC ETC.

The article describes cookie-cutter happiness: the job, the friends, the relationship. There are so many ways to be unhappy with all of these things: superficial friendships without deeper emotional understanding, work without meaning, a relationship without intimacy, ETC.

Bottom line: happiness and contentment are about meeting needs and fulfilling values.



SocOfAutism
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05 Aug 2016, 9:08 am

DataB4 wrote:
The study seems to focus on milestones, but not on how the men felt about meeting, or not meeting, these milestones. At least, that's how the article portrays the study.

Also, what about other factors that influence the happiness of intelligent people? For me, these include meaningful work (not just work), being creative, exercising my mind, engaging in deep discussions, having hobbies, enjoying sensory experiences, overcoming challenges, facing fears, ETC ETC.

The article describes cookie-cutter happiness: the job, the friends, the relationship. There are so many ways to be unhappy with all of these things: superficial friendships without deeper emotional understanding, work without meaning, a relationship without intimacy, ETC.

Bottom line: happiness and contentment are about meeting needs and fulfilling values.


I agree with you. But that is a long-standing argument. There is no real way to measure happiness. All you can do is ask people, "Are you happy?" And then a person may have unreasonable standards- such as, "I'm not happy because my face keeps breaking out," Versus another person who may be standing on a pile of dead bodies in the middle of a tsunami and say, "I'm alive and well so I'm happy." Which is kind of just as unreasonable.

I emailed the lead author, Adam Helles, and asked for a copy of the full article. I can't get it through either of the university libraries I have access to. If I can get it I'll be happy to email the copy to anyone who wants it.



randomeu
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05 Aug 2016, 10:27 am

pff im a lone wolf, ive sort of had to accept that fate really.


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Spiderpig
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05 Aug 2016, 10:59 am

SocOfAutism wrote:
You can put too much into that. Does the other person deserve YOU?


Beggars can't be choosers. Of course they do. The problem is, they actually deserve someone much better than me.

SocOfAutism wrote:
On that Autism In Love documentary, there's a guy on there with what I think is a brilliant formula: Looks (25%) + Personality (25%) + How They Treat You (50%). You can't let yourself get too dazzled by the way someone looks or how interesting they are if they treat you like sh**. Sometimes you have to give people a chance in some other categories if they are being cool to you.


Before you judge others by how they treat you, you have to prove you're worthy of being treated well. Respect has to be earned. In fact, you can't even enjoy it all that much when you know you haven't earned it and it's therefore hollow and false.


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Ichinin
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05 Aug 2016, 11:56 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
At least they are conducting studies on adult Aspies. It's a start.


Yeah, now there are TWO studies on adults. In an ocean of studies of children.


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SocOfAutism
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05 Aug 2016, 12:04 pm

Dr. Helles sent me his article. If anyone wants it, send me a direct message with your email address.

I have not personally read it yet. If anyone wants me to sum it up here (aside from what the article already did), let me know.



eggheadjr
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05 Aug 2016, 2:11 pm

I have a question - to what extent is the experience of happiness in autistic people similar/different than NT people...?

Do we have a different kind of happy?


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05 Aug 2016, 2:51 pm

eggheadjr wrote:
I have a question - to what extent is the experience of happiness in autistic people similar/different than NT people...?

Do we have a different kind of happy?


A very good question. The reverse would also be important to ask: Do we have a different kind of unhappy?


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