I Should Have Never Started Speaking To Other Aspies

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I used to have a positive attitude and be hopeful for the future, thinking maybe I could overcome even more of my difficulties and I could be proud of who I was. Apparently all that was just egocentrism and I should not like who I am or be hopeful to be loved by anyone in any way, guess I was ignorant for thinking I could maybe for at least just one single day know what it was like to feel truly happy.

That's silly. Each individual -- aspie OR NT -- has the right to decide for themselves how to feel about themselves. That goes for every person on the planet. Don't let others dictate to you how you should feel. If you feel proud of yourself, own that. That's your right and your prerogative.

I know it's hard not to feel influenced by others, or by discovering there's a zeitgeist you weren't aware of and now you think you should be part of that.

But you should resist being so influenced. Feel about yourself, or your autism or ANYthing, they way YOU feel about it. Don't worry about others.

There are plenty of successful aspies here on Wrong Planet. You can certainly overcome more of your difficulties. I live a pretty great life and I don't think having a positive attitude is egocentrism in any way.

Sometimes I feel like that too but I manage to deal with it.

Many autistics may seem like a depressing lot, hopeless about our futures because of our autism making things difficult and yes, it can look bleak at times. But I'd be very surprised if every autistic was unhappy 100% of the time. It's probably just more likely to reach out and rant when you're having difficulties than when you're awesome. Such is the human condition I suppose.
But autistic or not, you shouldn't be taking your cue from how other regard themselves. You're entitled to be as happy with ourself and your life as you possibly can be, and indeed, to be able to be content with these things is an asset, not a detriment. There shouldn't be any reason you, as an autistic, can't be as happy with yourself, or seek love if you want it, as much as anyone else.
Sometimes I just don't take my own advice, but everyone feels bummed out about life at times.

I am truly happy. Good on you for setting that as your chosen mindset.

My autism is both good and bad. Some aspects cause a lot of difficulty. Certainly I feel that autism 'limits' me - I grew up constantly believing that I was failing at certain things, but could improve with practice and effort. When almost three decades of practice and effort had only provided minor improvements, at the expense of my own comfort, that was hard. Painful even. Having autism means accepting that no amount of effort will fix the things that I once believed I could fix, but it is also my permission to relax. Accepting my limitations is not a negative, but a positive - it's my permission to stop fighting, having fought for so long, which makes for an even happier future.

That said, there are many areas where autism has not restricted me. I have love, the perfect little family and a lifestyle that I enjoy enormously. I also feel that many aspects of my autism have helped, not hindered, by making me into a person that I'm very proud of. I seem significantly happier than almost all, if not all, of the NT people that I know, because of my different priorities in life.

I believe that we're all responsible for our own happiness. If you take a negative approach, you'll miss out on all of the good stuff!

We all have bad days, and people who are having a bad day are fairly likely to reach out for help. I don't post every time I'm happy. Or any time I'm happy. But I'm pretty happy tonight, and in general I feel I'm very fortunate to have all the things I do.

I don't go about saying to people "Hey, y'know, feeling pretty good about myself today!" That's seems kinda weird.

My guess is that the OP has misunderstood or misinterpreted a certain type of comment or life anecdote that some of us were sharing on another thread in order to counterbalance another issue. But he took the "counterbalancing" comments as another message altogether, I think is what happened.

Basically, on another thread, the OP asked why some aspies accuse other aspies of not really being aspies.

As we occasionally see, accusers of this think it's a trend everyone "wants" to be. Late diagnosed people may come in for some of this cynicism from others.

Some of us pointed out that we didn't "want" to be anything or think it's trendy. To some of us, the realization was even a shock, because one has to re-frame everything you thought about yourself, in mid-life.

Nobody's saying this can't be a positive thing. But it's not always a picnic either. It can be mixed. And people shouldn't beat up other people just because they are finding it harder or easier.

I get the impression the OP went a little too far over the opposite reaction when he read about those of us who find it harder to come to terms with. So now he feels like he's somehow not allowed to be fine with his diagnosis.

That's not it at all.

Everyone is entitled to feel exactly how they DO feel about their being on the spectrum. Nobody who is having a hard time with it should tell someone who's proud of it not to be happy and proud of anything.

But equally, nobody who is bursting with positivity has the right to tell someone who is struggling that they are just "choosing to be negative."

Listen up everyone -- walk in someone shoes before you judge someone on how "negative" or positive you think they OUGHT to be.

My philosophy is we're all probably doing the best we f*****g can. I know I am but it's not good enough for some people. So screw those people.

Telling someone they should or shouldn't be more this or that in regard to the way they feel about their diagnosis, they're experience of THEIR autism, all of it in fact, is patronizing bullsh!t in EITHER direction.

The OP has been told BOUNTIFULLY that he is not wrong to want to feel positive. Even by people like me who is struggling more. I say struggling more because I refuse to accept other people's label of "negative."

Bottom line NOBODY is trying to make this guy feel like he shouldn't feel okay about himself.

Speaking for myself, sometimes I too wish I'd "never started speaking to other aspies" but for a different reason.

For me, it's not just because of the "aspier than thou" sh!t I've encountered but also the breathtaking judgmentalism and barely concealed arrogance of those who are doing much better at coping with life than I am. Wow good for you guys, but I sure don't need you to rub it in for me how much better you are than me........

I'd like to see you try my average day while stripped of your usual advantages. What you DON@T ever get to see is I'm actually doing the f*****g hardest I can but because in YOUR eyes it still falls short, you think I'm not.

Yes I had your comment in mind, Ariel, because that type of comment can carry a sting to some people even if one has not intended it to. In terms of the OP I agree with you that he seems to be having a more basic choice there of negative or positive -- I don't disagree with that. He had a good attitude and is now letting himself believe he shouldn't. I myself have told him that's crazy and he shouldn't let the fact that anyone has said things are more complex for them make him think it has to be the same for him.

I'm actually quite frustrated with the OP because this thing has spread across two threads even though many of us HAVE actually told him he should stay feeling the good way he was feeling.

The frustrating thing for me is that as I told my brother a few months ago, if I ever were to find a support group for people with Asperger's it would most likely be an unhealthy experience, because it would be just a bunch of Aspies being very insensitive towards each other, therefore being counterproductive.

But there are some Aspies who aren't that way.

There are some Aspies who are very supportive, and have great insight into their "condition."