No official diagnosis, so what do I call myself?

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Ever since December last year, I've had a very strong inkling that I have Asperger's. Since then, I've taken multiple screening tests (RAADS-R, AQ, EQ, a whole bunch of others) and analyzed my childhood and past to death. I constantly analyze my actions and my words, and frankly, I don't think I've been more sure of anything else. However, I wanted to get an assessment so it's not like I'm just saying it. I don't even want or need the benefits or anything, as I can work and stuff.

I just want to know. I want validation. I don't want to be called a pretender or fakie. The thing is, all the psychiatrists and experts I tried to contact don't respond to me. It's been very disheartening.

So... I'm not going to disclose to my work, only my family really knows (and frankly, I have no idea how they feel or think about it - my older brother kind of won't let me visit him anymore. I think he's concerned I might act inappropriately around his 2-year-old daughter. No clue why).

So, should I say I have "autistic characteristics"? Would you folks that have been diagnosed officially be comfortable with someone like me saying "I have Asperger's/Autism"?

Edit: my brother's daughter, not mine.

Are you looking for a diagnosis or a label?

If the former, then seek the counsel of an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional.

If the latter, then pick any label you want; just have an excuse ready when you get called out for being a "poseur".

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T minus 54 and counting.

Personally, I didn't tell anyone before I was officially diagnosed, but here on the forum I labelled myself as self-diagnosed. I would not have brought it up with other people, aside from my husband, who I just told 'I think I have autism', rather than being any more concrete about it. I think other people use 'self-suspecting' for the same.

I have only told other people since being diagnosed.

You can say that you "strongly suspect" that you have Asperger's/autism without causing too much of a fuss.

I think the current forum software allows you to keep your diagnosis private--you don't have to call yourself anything--just leave everyone guessing.

I was hoping for a diagnosis... unfortunately, all the professionals I've reached out to haven't responded. I was thinking of going where my brother went for psychiatric help (due to a meltdown he had), but when he asked them if he had Asperger's, they just said straight out "no", with no explanation even when pushed for it. So... yeah...

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I like the term BAP:
Broad Autistic Phenotype.
Its a general term and isn't a diagnostic label, so no one takes issue with it. Self suspecting is the other safe bet.
Personally I don't mind what it's called, being able to frame my experiences in a way that makes sense is what makes a practical difference to my life.

I don't think anyone can give you an absolute answer that will make everyone happy. You may have already seen some of the recent WP threads where even some of us late to get a formal diagnosis are subject to criticism from others on the spectrum that we're not really ASD because of this or that. Just wanting to get an adult diagnosis is reason for some to criticize you. Insofar as the online community goes, I'd probably just identify as someone who strongly suspects he or she is on the spectrum.

Outside of the relative anonymity of an online forum, I'd probably limit your self-disclosure to people that are trustworthy and close to you. Months after my diagnosis, I chose to "out" myself in real life, but before that I only told a few friends about my suspicions. My ex-wife was actually the 1st person to suggest it, although it would be about 10 years before I had the financial means to follow-up.

If a diagnosis is important to you, don't give up. I had a series of frustrating experiences when I began looking for someone to conduct a diagnosis. The first hurdle was finding a place that was equipped to work with adults due to the persistent false notion that ASD is a childhood ailment.

One local counseling center made an appointment for me to be seen by their resident autism specialist months ahead of time. When I called the day before to confirm the details of my appointment, they couldn't find a record of it on their calendar! It was a devastating letdown. I called another psychologist that was recommended to me, but this guy (and I was only allowed to speak to his office manager) wanted me to commit to ongoing weekly sessions until I achieved a "breakthrough" (whatever that means). I tried to explain I wanted a simple diagnosis, but was informed they don't do that. They wanted to "fix" me at a rather steep, ongoing rate. I declined.

I finally found an agency affiliated with the University of Tennessee that was equipped to perform adult diagnoses at an affordable rate (and they took payment installments). I believe it was around US $1,000. That was in 2014, so it may well be a little costlier now. But it was still much more affordable than all the other options around here. If you haven't already done so, you might try calling any universities in your area to see what they offer.

Typically the easiest way to get an "official" diagnosis is to have a kid on the autism spectrum--experts are much more comfortable giving an diagnosis in that situation.

There are experts who can diagnose adults, and even female adults with autism, but in the US, I'd expect them to only be around the wealthier neighborhoods where people routinely pay out of pocket for premium healthcare. If you are serious you might contact specialists who have offices in those neighborhoods.

The term used by autism activists to describe individuals who aren't diagnosed but have evidence to suggest that they would probably be diagnosed is "self-identified as autistic." It is meant to be a supportive and inclusive term, not dismissive.

We all, in different ways, experience self-discovery. Connecting the dots between symptoms and AS is a discovery process whether it is initiated internally (as usually happens with we older folks) or externally (as usually happens with far younger folk). It is the discovery process that is the bridge between the two. Build bridges not walls

You are "self diagnosed" with Asperger but because it's often criticized term you might prefer to go with "suspecting".

And about diagnosis - you have to look for it.

My diagnosis history was like this:
- My grandma suspected I have Asperger.
- She made me met a psychiatrist specializing in diagnosing autistic kids (I was 17). He wasn't sure after first meting and I refused to go to him again because I didn't want my parents to pay for any weird labels.
- Years later I read about Asperger and realized grandma was right. So I self diagnosed.
- It took me 2 years to decide it is worth to get officially diagnosed.
- I browsed the net for health centers diagnosing adults but all of them were paid and I didn't have that kind of money.
- I sent e-mails to some local mental health centers asking if they deal with adults - I got no reply.
- I went to one of those health centers(that I knew dealt with autistic kids) and asked them if they know when an adult suspecting Asperger can go to get assessed.
- They told me to go to one of their workers - "autism therapist knowing about autistic adults" - also working in local crisis intervention center/orphanage.
- I went there and over a few months I was meeting the so called therapist every 2 weeks.
- Eventually she told me she is pretty sure I diagnosed myself right and I do have Asperger but she can't give me an official diagnosis because she is not a doctor (apparently psychiatrist are doctors, therapists are not) and she told me about 2 free psychiatrists allowed to give me a paper.
- I went to the psychiatrist with the autism specialist opinion, he sent me to a connected psychologist.
- I was meting the psychologist for another a few months. He helped me a lot - he cured my alexithymia.
- Eventually the psychologist gave me an opinion which I showed to the psychiatrist. And he gave me a paper with diagnosis.
- With that paper I went to disability office.
- Now I am diagnosed, with disability level 1("mild") recognized by government.

If it was possible to me you can also do it.

Before my diagnosis I posted here using the terms "strongly suspect," and "self-suspecting."

I still got crap on here.

Diagnosed two years ago -- I still get crap on here.

I personally -- and this is just me speaking for myself -- never felt comfortable with the term "self-diagnosed" even though I have no problem with other people who use that term.

I have no problem with anyone calling themselves anything as I have never seen how that threatens me or my case of ASD in any way. Some seem to find it a threat.

I actually just got a reply from a psychiatrist today... though they gave me this whole spiel on "integrative psychiatry"... I dunno. I'm going to approach cautiously, and start running if they get out the coffee enemas.

Just call yourself a Stoic Aspie.

Ahhh... I like that one! A Stoic aspie. You know, makes me wonder how many of them back then were Aspies?

Like Socrates?