Were you a bossy child?

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So I finally got around to reading Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" and came across something interesting. Apparently, some children with Asperger's will play with friends as long as they can be the 'boss.' Or the 'mom' or the 'teacher.' If other kids try to play with toys, they would instruct them on the 'right way' to play with those toys, and get frustrated when they don't. Or they only enjoy games where they win. I did some research and found other blogs and such that talk about this too.

I find this interesting because it's counter to what I've read most other places about kids on the spectrum, and how they avoid or are uninterested in socializing with other kids. It also describes me as a child exactly. Despite being an otherwise shy, quiet, (mostly) polite kid, if I played with others it had to be My Way, and I'd get extremely upset when it wasn't. I tried searching the site for other threads on the topic and found, like, one very old one.

So, I'm curious: for those of you on the spectrum (diagnosed professionally or self-) how many of you were bossy as kids? And why do you think that was? I'd be curious to hear from parents with 'bossy' kids on the spectrum as well.

I was pretty bossy. Only time I wasn't bossy was if I was playing while my other friend was doing her own thing. Just as long as everyone played by the game rules, I wasn't bossy. I am surprised kids still came to play with me despite my bossiness. I think I was bossy because I was inflexible and I was rigid so I felt comfortable if things were a certain way. Of course I never went around telling everyone how to play a computer game or a video game or how to play with a toy. I used to just think I was selfish so I decided I had to quit this. I realized now it was the AS that made me that way. I realized I didn't really grow out of this because I just walk away now if I don't like how things are going so instead of having anxiety and bossing them around, I walk away.

I didn't do much talking, but I was secretly furious that other children weren't "doing it right". Sometimes I would melt down and hit another kid, but usually I left to play by myself.

I don't think I was that "bossy". Not like I forced other kids to play as I say. But all my friends were younger than me and I had good ideas so it was natural I was deciding what we do.

My relationship with friends was like Pippi Longstocking relationship with Tommy and Annika. I was an unpredictable, neglected kid and I was friends with neighbor kids - boy and girl siblings from a decent family, with parents usually home and dinner on table.
I had weird ideas and didn't respect social rules but I was somehow responsible and I would never let anything bad to happen to my friends nor was misbehaving - so I was allowed to play with them. And invite myself to eat dinner at their house.

I wasn't bossy. Actually, I tended to get bossed around by other kids a lot.

Oh yes, I was very bossy as I was the oldest child with siblings close in age with parents who worked 50-60+ hours a week so there was some real expectation that I would be somewhat of extension of my parent's authority. I did play with others at times when I could lead and I always did with my siblings.

I had such a vivid imagination, that I often came up with games. But if the other kids made up a game, I would play it their way. I was never bothered about being the 'boss'.

I got more worked up playing games like Tag or something, because if one kid decided to not take the rules seriously, I would get really upset. I also got upset if I lost in any game, or had to go last if playing something where you take turns.

I was a queasy mixture of being quite passive and shy/someone who tried to just go along with things, until it did seem to me like someone wasn't doing something "right" then yes, I did get upset and try to demand that they play my way or that the doll needs this not that.

It also bugged me terribly when someone was breaking the rules of a game. I remember once my rather rebellious teenage sister taunting me by saying with a nyah nyah voice: "Rules are made to be broken!!" and I got really upset by that! My little kid self found that idea heinous and frightening!

I was never bossy. I was the one who got bossed, and I was okay with it. Playing the way other kids wanted to play was fine by me so long as no one was in any danger or being treated unfairly. That passage should be in a book entitled "A Complete Guide to All Children On And Off the Spectrum" because I knew a lot of bossy NT kids growing up.

I was an extremely dominant, bossy kid. I didn’t force anyone to do what I wanted though, it came naturally that I would lead the group and decided what to do and how to do it.
And no, I wasn’t older but younger than the other guys but still leaded the group.
I didn’t even bend my knee before adults and authority figures like teachers. I corrected them when they were wrong, I got in arguments with them and won and they hated me for it.
I was very assertive, confident and not easy to impress.

My grandpa and dad used to say “He’s definitely going to be a boss when he’s an adult!”
And years later in a youth group as a teenager, we had to play a game. Everyone got cards with stuff like ‘boss’, ‘caretaker’, ‘would like to have a drink with’, ‘friend’ etc. written on them and should give them to other people in the group and tell why they gave which card to whom.
I thought I won’t get one single card because I didn’t socialise with too many of the people so they didn't really know me too well but I ended up getting the ‘boss’ card from 90% of the group to my own surprise.

Why am I that dominant? I don’t know. I’ve always been dominant and ambitious. It’s a part of my character I’d say. I also like to be in control and charge of things; I am not spontaneous and lack the ability to adapt. I simply have to do it my way because other ways usually don’t work or make sense for me. I also think that if you want something to be done the [from your perspective] right way, you have to ensure that it is done that way yourself or simply do it alone.

No, I was very shy and didn't like to play with other children. I hated when other were bossy towards me.

Thank you everyone for your responses so far!

Well, yes, all children are different, and kids on and off the spectrum can be bossy... or not. The range of responses here illustrate that as well. But I was paraphrasing several paragraphs scattered throughout a few chapters of that book - his descriptions and explanations of these behaviors are much more specific. And it helped explain some behaviors as a kid that seemed at odds, both with descriptions I'd read of kids on the spectrum before, and my own behavior as an otherwise shy, passive kid who genuinely meant no harm. If anyone's curious, here's a link to an article that talks about this in more detail, also by Tony Attwood:

http://tonyattwood.com.au/books-by-tony ... s-syndrome

And here's a link to a blog that mentions it as well (it talks about girls, specifically, but obviously this sort of thing isn't specific to girls so it still relates):

https://musingsofanaspie.com/2012/08/30 ... -and-boys/

Anyway, I'll describe my own experiences in detail in another post later, but I wanted to address this

I was very bossy towards my sister, but not towards anyone else.

Not with other kids, but I would correct/debate my grandfather a lot. He thought I would become a lawyer.

it's like i never grew up...

there are only two ways i know how to do "teamwork"
1. i do all the work and then just add other people's names
2. i don't even get involved, and i ask someone to return the favor and add my name instead this time around

my way is the right way, and i make my own rules. i'm a sore loser. i think i've learned to live with it though. between loopholes, workarounds and silver linings, i can cheat defeat itself, as long as i look at it differently

i always considered i was above my parents, but i didn't really care much about other kids, as long as they didn't bother me. at most, there was just a vague sense that "they're all stupid"

i don't remember really being "bossy" as a child. my problem has always been more about not accepting being told what to do, not about telling others what to do. so it was more like "this game is stupid, i'm not playing this". i always liked to talk to other random kids (or grown-ups) here and there, as long as they didn't seem threatening to me (which meant, among kids, most of the time i only talked to girls). talking is an itch i need to scratch. but i always preferred to play by myself instead. or watch other kids playing, without getting involved

all of this remains the same to this day. it's like i never grew up

this was probably the main thing that led my psychiatrist to diagnose me, after intervieweing my parents (i had already been diagnosed with adhd at the time). it was also interesting that he sort of "diagnosed" my father and my brother by proxy as milder cases themselves (and also my uncle, as a much worse case. he had been [mis]diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years earlier). nobody is normal in my family

I was totally not a bossy kid. I was the youngest in a family of rather outspoken bossy girls. I was always trying to just get a word in, or otherwise get away from other people to be alone.

It's true that I'd get mad when anyone would mess up the way I was doing something, but I don't think I had interest in teaching them or forcing them to do what I was doing. I mostly just wanted to do my own thing.