ADHD and Meditation

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Hello everybody. I'm not sure if I have Asperger's or not, but i definately feel like i have something very close to ADHD due to my random "blank outs" where i can't think anymore. I've always been trying to find ways to fight this...so i tried something new

I'm taking this Chinese philosophy class, and the latest subject we've been learning is meditation from Buddhist philosophy. The instructor actually walked us through the process of meditation, and so i decided hey, why not? Maybe it'll fix some stuff, meditation seems to have a pretty good reputation (at least from the TIME article i read around 6 years ago)

So after I try it, all of my depression (which was manic at times) and anxieties seem to disappear...which is definately a plus. The problem is everything around me is dulled. I can't experience joy either, i actually feel like an automaton of some sort. I would prefer to feel the extremes of pain and joy to this, and i'm trying very hard to find a way out of this meditative state.

See the problem is i can't just STOP meditating. The mental state that i had achieved in class (and a few times after) persists even when i don't want it. I can't feel anymore. I know i'm desperate for a solution, but i don't feel desperation myself...i'm starting to miss the times when i was out of control, when i had sudden revelations about how to solve a problem, when i could truly enjoy my music. Maybe i didn't do meditation correctly, and forgot more than my anxieties, because i feel like a completely different person. I can't recall my humour anymore, i have no feelings for personal attachment to others.

So now i know the evils of meditation. Or perhaps my feelings are the cause of some other unknown factor, although i HIGHLY doubt it. The ultimate question is, does anyone know a way out? I assumed that i should try to instill the opposing sensations of what meditation professes it can cure...create depression in myself, listen to extremely loud music and disorient myself, be worried about grades...it sounds cheesy, but i feel like the love i had for someone died because of this too. I can still feel it, but only temporarily. So..yes.

Anyone who has experience in this, I would certainly appreciate any help! I'm just really hopeful that the effects of meditation will wear out over time, because i only did it a few times. They better not be permanent.

Thanks a lot

Hi, I guess it depends on what you're meditating on. Do you empty yor mind completely? Why not try to 'see' yourself enjoying the stimulations you did before, in a more positive state?
I try to as part of yoga practise, but my imagination is a little restricted but I find it helps if I relax.

well it certainly is better than being addicted to crack cocain

I think I've experienced this only to a lesser degree because I somehow got over it in about a week. I'd suggest trying new things or doing something you enjoy alot.
P.S. I also have both ADHD and AS

Know very little about mediation other than I thought its goal was to slow down the brain into a theta wave state. Thats the problem with ADHD your brain is largely in a theta wave state already. The opposite of ADHD is a beta wave state or to speed the brain up. Stimulants are the only thing I know of that are effective at that.

Yeah, the best thing I would think of would be to use stimulants to destabilize yourself, or maybe go on a bender.

Which meditation technique was it that you were using? Over time have you started to feel emotions returning to you?

I honestly wish I had something constructive to say here, but I guess the following is better than nothing if it helps:

I'm in that same medidative state you described, have been there for years and years without pique of meditation, and for the most part...it works for me.

I do have AS beyond the shadow of doubt, and I've spent so long trying to expunge it from my psyche that I've basically lost a big slice of my humanity, for lack of a better word. It's only my best guess as to why this occurred, but maybe I did my own form of meditation or psychic transformation on all those nights self-flagellated myself for all my day's mistakes - ranging from the usual mental lashings to actual corporal punishment at the extreme (stuff like holding a cigarette lighter to my flesh, holding my hand under boiling water, spending nights on my balcony without a blanket in the winter - in case you're curious). Before I knew it I wasn't making as much of the same stupid mistakes - often direct outgrowths of manic and depressive behavior - and my own mental state ceased to fluctuate quite so much and now ran on a much smaller wavelength.

A consequence I've become recently frustrated with is that my behavior - eccentric as it once was - was at least organic and genuine, while I think my affect has become somewhat forced and duplicitous in the eyes of others. I don't want to speak of my own situation beyond that which is helpful for you, so here I guess I should ask is where you want to be: without the incessant faux pas, or with the extremes of human emotions. I'm a dilettante in Eastern philosophy/religion myself, and it actually encourages this sort of emotional moderation, and maybe it's little surprise that it had the effect on you that it did (if you need any proof of this, just think how many "stoic" Asians you've come across in your walks through this or that Chinatown).

If I knew the answer to recovering your human spirit I probably would have experimented with it myself by now, but I haven't and I don't. But maybe this might help you figure out how you got where you did, and that might be the key that unlocks this mystery further.

- Ben

Well I'm not sure what the technical term was for the technique, and actually I'm not sure that I even used any proper technique...I pretty much did it on my own using partial information supplied to me by my professor in his lecture. He just said: "Close your eyes, try to see your heart through your nose (basically try to look at your heart), and try to clear your mind". So this is what I did. Unfortunately, I neglected the part after when he said the goal of meditation was not to forget yourself, which was very wrong. Forgetting all of my pain, thoughts, and troubled relationships was my mistake.

On the semi-bright side, after about one week after the incident, my emotions appear to be returning to me. But the problem is that they aren't coming back with my original human character...I feel like I'm the same person I was when I was six years old. It's like I hit the reset switch on my brain. And the problem with being the same person I was when I was so young is that my personality at that stage of my life was depressingly sad...it embodied the complete social ineptness portrayed by my mom and dad, who are entirely focused on work and family, but have no lives... I vowed when I was in grade 7 of elementary school that I would never turn out to be them, that I would artificially alter my personality regardless of the difficulty. I still believe that today, but the depressing truths (some genetic) that I uncover about my situation, and this recent major setback...I think they're pushing me into a dissociative state where I want to ignore life. I already feel like the friends I worked hard to make are becoming alienated from me, so I have to solve this issue before the process is complete. I think i've lost all my high school friends now, which is rather unfortunate. Even with a machine-like stance, fighting this ridiculous problem is depressing enough that I feel negative emotions breaking through the meditative barrier...and yet I still temporarily find myself automatically dissociating into a different "social state" in place of the one which is emotionally indifferent - the 6 year old state - whenever i am with friends i could at one time talk to at length.



Thanks for the advice! I suppose it's different for someone with AS because it's far more difficult for you to understand social interaction. Damn..i thought my situation was depressing enough, i can't imagine what you've had to go through. How can one destroy a genetic abnormality? I've made extensive notes into my own psychological configuration..targeting something so fundamental for destruction seems impossible to me. But you had to try, didn't you? You had to fight for a normal life...it's nice to know that there are other combatants out there, all collectively united in trying to find their correct mindsets.

Yes, I can quite confidently say that even with manic, and sometimes suicidal, levels of depression, I would like to live with the possibility of one day finding happiness and constant relationships...to feel the normality that I achieved temporarily some time ago. If this meditative state wears out (and it appears to be doing so), then I can put forward a concerted effort to regain my altered state, which is actually something of a variation of my natural state...sort of like the starting points for two different natural states - sub-natural states. I forget what these felt like in my brain though...maybe with AspieLink1's advice of just doing things i enjoy i can regain my original functionality.

I guess it will help when I finally see a psychologist, since i'm setting up an appointment soon. I can now finally learn whether I have a disorder or not...and if i do return to my second sub-natural state, maybe he can deal with the primary issue that depressed me in that state -constant social anxiety- with the help of therapy, or possibly drugs although I'm wary of negative side-effects.

Thanks for the advice/comments everybody! Nice to hear from fellow psychologists, even if we may have no academic credentials in the field. I've been self-reliant for so long that a little non- (unresponsive "help" from god) based support is relieving. Well, here comes another week of life with people, have fun everybody

Sorry to bump this old thread, but I just wanted to share my revelations.

After going through the horribly confusing experience that was 2nd year at university, I had many misperceptions about myself. One of these, which I created in some of my more desperate moments, was that I was so screwed up (no offense) that I could have actually been afflicted with the debilitating mental misconfiguration that is Asperger's syndrome. It was the only explanation, at the time, that could explain my deep set fears of talking to other people, an ingrained sense of not knowing what to say and a constant switching between various attitudes such as submission, aggressiveness, and most notably withdrawal to deal with my emotional conflicts. It turns that my affliction was different, but perhaps just as crippling; social anxiety disorder, which came out of a mainly abusive childhood (physically and emotionally)

Withdrawal was the worst thing I could've done to myself - and I hope no one else is thinking of using it as their own pseudo-solution as a defense from being emotionally hurt by others. After being in withdrawal, you would rather welcome the pain than the self-alienation of feeling nothing, or very little. After courageously trying to communicate over a fair period of time, though, the hard shell breaks down and you are no longer dead inside. This escape was what I found through meditation and clearing my mind. I tried to suppress my thoughts...and after I was so stolid that I thought my personality had changed, when really I had distorted myself yet again.

Now that I am relatively normal again (time heals), I am actively seeking out various ways of releasing my real self which has been distorted for so long by my damaging beliefs that grew out of a traumatic childhood - so to everyone out there, even if you are genetically abnormal, don't repress the pain. I don't know how bad your problems are, but becoming an emotional wasteland is a horrible experience, so I recommend you all try to find yourselves, and accept your condition. I learned that living on the peripherals and seeking artifical solutions is just painful and circular (leads nowhere), so look into your mind. I don't know how many of you people believe in the spiritual world, but they reinforce the idea that all conflicts in life are there for a purpose - you are meant to learn something from them. If you want, you can get some sapient advice from path-ways, an excellent website that has a great collection of lectures from the 50s and 60s that used mediums in order to hear the guidance and lessons of learned and powerful spirits in God's realm. I think many people would be surprised by how accurate the spirit's depicitions of the human self can be...he's practically guiding my healing process at present, even if the lecture was given in 1962 (even if given in the 1800s, it shouldn't matter). Anyways, this rant should probably end now, as will my need to visit this site now that I know the truths of my situation (or perhaps I will to reply to intruiging posts or others addressed to me). So good luck everybody, hopefully I won't have to fight through your condition in another life...

Sincerely, Piotr

I'm a little confused here. I'm a Buddhist/meditator myself, and while I can see how someone could stay in a permanent meditative state, it seems to me like that would take a lot of practice, and also it would be totally voluntary. How can 2-3 meditation sessions permanently kill your emotions? Sorry for the bluntness, but that's just ridiculous. I can't help but think it's all in your head. Just forget you ever meditated, and eventually something is going to piss you off again majorly.

For instance - you're clearly an idiot. You're probably crazy as well, if you seriously think 2-3 meditation sessions killed your emotions. Please don't bother us any more with this crap.

Now, didn't that piss you off? If you get pissed off, you're no longer in a meditative state.

Hey butch

Yeah, you're right, and I would agree with you now. I was new to meditation back then, so I wasn't aware that it wasn't as powerful as I thought it was (I didn't really know anything about it, or whether there were any long-lasting effects) - truly it was all in my head. It was my own way of escaping that sort of led to my downfall..

Thankfully I managed to restore my emotions, so somehow I got out of my own crazy mental state. Seeing as how I did get pissed off a little reading your comment, you've definately provided greater evidence that I'm back to my "normal" self! "thank you" for the reassurance

Anyways, yes. I probably should have made it clear in my recent posting that meditation is not to blame - in fact I'm practising it daily now to get in touch with the spiritual world, something that is definately a non-crazy goal. Back to reading lectures from the 50s...i love path-ways

meditation over medication i think.

Cool man, I actually didn't realize this was an old thread or else I would've more carefully read the more recent posts. Glad you've got everything sorted out.

I think meditation is amazing for everyone, and especially Aspergians. I've gone my whole life letting my thoughts run WILD and oftentimes letting my emotions get out of check too, and meditation is a great way to take a nice fat chill pill and de-stress!

This is a long shot but could you be this?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sluggish_cognitive_tempo

It might be possible that I have that. I distinctly remember many times in lecture where I could slowly follow what the professor was saying, but then she would go onto another similar subject a little too quickly and I wouldn't understand what was going on anymore. I think that if I take my time I can understand things really well, so I don't think its a problem with intelligence, as I'm usually the one helping others in math or chemistry.

The strangest are the moments when my mind just goes completely blank and I don't feel or want to think about anything. Its just this lazyness or apathy that hits me and no matter how hard I try I am incapable of thinking.

What worries me is that I do remember rocking in my chair and making strange noises, as if I had to, when I was in the early grades of elementary school. But I kept thinking to myself that it was wrong, and so I repressed it.

So maybe I do have some ADHD-like development problems...in which case it would make more sense that I have SCT. Maybe I'll look into it, get a brain scan or something. Thanks (to everyone else for their replies, too)!