Have you been called a "Debbie Downer"?

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Jayo
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30 Dec 2019, 7:35 am

Or a parade-pisser, or party-pooper, or killjoy or what-have-you?

At times, in the past, I thought that being overtly cynical or critical would function like a defence mechanism where people wouldn't assume that I was naive and try to take advantage of me - but it could also backfire if taken too far, and people might even take personal offense to it even if I was criticizing some institution or some aspect of the status quo rather than any personal attributes. Or if I was in a group and they agreed on some sort of event, plan or opinion, I would be "devil's advocate" - maybe in some perverse attempt to demonstrate that I had some hidden wisdom or was looking out for best interests when others may have perceived me as lacking social sense. So ironically that just exacerbated things. "Live and learn"

I can say that I have on a few occasions in the past...and people would tell me to stop being so negative, or stop being such a pessimist - but beyond that, during my younger years like early 20s, people seemed to viscerally infer that I was some archetype of a disgruntled loner, or bitter loser, or what today they'd call "incel" (this was back in the 90s), even though my negative comment didn't have anything to do with women or dating - it's like they just picked up on some vibe that I was "other than" and my criticisms either caused or contributed to that vibe. Like we're talking situations where I disagreed with a majority opinion on an unrelated topic, or something that we'd planned together. Granted, there were also times when I criticizes aspects of the social structure or status quo out there which wasn't always welcome - where I said things like "there's no point in <insert action or attitude>, because the outcome is already predetermined thanks to <such-and-such circumstance or overarching interest that always prevails>."

I learned through reflection that generally speaking, whenever someone criticizes part of the status quo that tends to otherwise benefit the majority, then the critic is [subconsciously] regarded as a misfit, or that archetype of the disgruntled loner or weirdo or incel/loser who can't fit into their demographic's culture. Random example: when asked if I want to go with a group to a sports spectacle, then I criticize the notion due to "just surrounded by a bunch of loud-mouthed imbeciles who get carried away and become abusive, when it's just a frikkin' game" - even if the criticism may be well-founded, it wouldn't be welcome by some. I think this animosity becomes more pronounced when you try to include others in that criticism, that they too should act on it - people may interpret that as a "misery loves company" gesture where you want others to feel negative too. A more perverse example of this was when climate change activist Greta Thunberg had given a speech on the perils of climate change, being the archetypal "Debbie Downer", and then a prominent Canadian politician tweeted some vitriol about Greta being mentally ill, what she says can't be taken seriously and she just wants others to feel the same way as she does - anxious, upset, negative, in other words the proverb "misery loves company" personified. :x



EzraS
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30 Dec 2019, 7:57 am

Probably. I've been called most everything on WP.



kraftiekortie
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30 Dec 2019, 7:58 am

I’ve been accused of being on Uppers :P



DemophobicKlingon
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30 Dec 2019, 11:36 am

I generally try to look on the bright side, but when I'm anxious I come across as Debbie Downer. People who know me well know I need to be alone and I'm anything but a Negative Nancy but when people don't know me well, they jump to conclusions too quickly.

At my fist job, my supervisor used to call me "pickle puss." I guess when I get into serious workmode and I feel criticized, I come across like this.


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Fnord
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30 Dec 2019, 11:52 am

When people have called me a "Party Pooper", I tell them that my behavior is more like that of a "Designated Driver".  That at least gives them something else to think about.


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Borromeo
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30 Dec 2019, 12:30 pm

Everybody says I am super negative all the time. I try not to be. Self-improvement is an ongoing thing, basically.


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TwilightPrincess
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30 Dec 2019, 12:52 pm

I’ve heard: “Why are you being so negative?”

If the situation warrants it...

Sometimes a positive attitude can be a bad thing if it’s keeping you in a crummy situation that you could get out of.

I try to be more of a realist and weigh the pros and cons.



Fnord
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30 Dec 2019, 1:33 pm

Some people have compared me to Eeyore...

Image

Caption: "I never get my hopes up so I never get let down."


I prefer: "Expect the worst from people, and they will never disappoint you again."


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XFilesGeek
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30 Dec 2019, 2:02 pm

^ "Pessimism is just a higher form of optimism. Go through life expecting absolutely nothing from people, and you'll always be pleasantly surprised." --The Innkeepers


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kraftiekortie
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30 Dec 2019, 2:21 pm

People think I'm overly optimistic. In reality, I believe I am more a realist.

Most of the time, the worst outcome is not the outcome that occurs.



Magna
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30 Dec 2019, 2:22 pm

Yes I have been called that. I consider myself to be a realist and others, like my wife have said that I tend to think negatively.



ASPartOfMe
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30 Dec 2019, 7:41 pm

Synonyms of that phrase for as long as I can remember.


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Lost_dragon
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30 Dec 2019, 7:44 pm

Yes. I have even been compared to the character Sadness from the film Inside Out (2015).

Sometimes I joke that a situation must be truly dire whenever I find myself being the optimistic one. :lol:

However, I do try to keep things balanced. I remember making a thread about wanting to be more optimistic a while ago.

Personally I like the saying "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst".

I had a relative who ended up fearing the outside world with all its outcomes. They practically never left their house in the end. I know what it's like to have your mind spiral with negative hypothetical situations, so much that it deters you from doing things.

Frankly, I do occasionally feel concerned that I might end up following the same path as my relative. I realise that it's an extreme case and it seems unlikely, but I don't want to end up in that kind of mental state.

Nor do I want to fake positivity. I have seen plenty of people who have worn false optimism to hide their true feelings. Admittedly for a while I held distaste for optimists; because I had grown to associate such attitudes with the artificial values that certain individuals had attempted to instill in me previously.


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Jayo
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02 Jan 2020, 9:12 pm

I find that in the past, whenever I raised counter-arguments to the dumbass "cliche advice" I got from NTs on how to deal with certain troubles that arose with my condition, I'd get the response that I was being negative...even though, in hindsight and with more wisdom and great improvement, I believe that their advice if taken would've been neutral at best. (Also, it's quite unlikely they would have taken their own advice!)