Not "autistic enough" to be taken seriously?

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Yes, my first psychologist mentioned autistic traits. She did this more than once and told me about the repetitive behaviors, routines, difficulties with social situations, sensory issues, etc.

Yet, I changed now as an adult. I used to "look more autistic" when I was a child. Now I kinda learned to adapt and mimic social skills. I do have friends, I go out, I'm good at school (college - but I don't have friends there), I'm polite and pay a lot of attention to being polite and socially appropriate. Is this why people would never tell I'm autistic?
Also, when I talk about this, my family doesn't seem to take me seriously, yet they know what the psychologist said and how high I scored on the autistic test. I'm going to talk about it to my new therapist and ask if a formal assessment is possible. Unfortunately, my first therapist said it's difficult for adults to get help and that ASD is not properly understood in our country (unless it's the more "blatant" type of autism, like the nonverbal type).

I really don't know what to do. I feel scared about the future, the job market, having to deal with new people.
I have shutdowns or more rarely, meltdowns when I'm stressed out, I get sensory overloads and my poor social skills don't allow me to meet people. All of this can be detrimental for future jobs and friendships, yet it's like no one takes me seriously.

Regarding stims....they're not super evident, so I don't "act too autistic". I hate mentioning words like "not autistic enough" or "acting autistic", because I don't believe they are correct. There is no single way to act or be autistic, and there is no such thing as "autistic enough" since it's a spectrum.

I hate not being taken seriously and it doesn't help with my struggles. But it seems like people don't really believe I struggle.
I'm also getting addicted to benzodiazepines because I want to stop caring.

Get off the pills, keep mimicking normal people as well as you can to get a decent job, then go home after work and live the greatest life this curse will allow.

It can be pretty good once you start forgetting about society's idea of a good time. Their good time sucks to me. I'm sure mine sucks to them, too. We're too different, but I only have to deal with them for a job and to go buy groceries. After that, I can do whatever I want away from them.

Get off the benzos. They shave off about 30 IQ points.

I can't keep mimicking people, I got tired and I keep failing anyway. I'm too honest with myself, I like myself the way I am, but I should accept the consequences: yes, people make fun of me.

I don't believe it. Also, I suffer from severe anxiety and these pills made me feel better cause a few months ago I kept having panic attacks and throwing up because of anxiety. I don't take them recreationally.

I gotta agree. Those benzos are not the answer. You think life is hard now, try life as an addict. It really sucks. You say you don't use the recreationally, but then you say that you use them to not care. You're contridicting yourself already. That's not proper use of benzos. Benzos are only for severe anxiety. They are not for eliminating your feelings or for putting you in a haze where you don't notice other people. That's what autistic stimming is for. If you are really autistic, and you embrace yourself as you are, you already have the tools you need to ignore people. You just have to stop blocking them.

Listen, people are going to laugh at other people in life. Not everyone, but some of them. Seek out the people who are kind and pay more attention to what they are doing. Find ways to be around kind people more. Then you can be your own weird self and not be so threatened.

Caring too much is just a part of being in your 20's. It does fade with time. Most people hit 40 or so and suddenly discover they give WAY fewer f@cks. You'll get there eventually. But medicating your feelings away is not a great solution.

I agree that benzo's aren't always the answer...and they can make you dumber...though I believe weed has a bigger negative impact. Also it depends on the benzo...but generally speaking using a medication as a crutch is never good. I go back and fourth on this. I don't know if my use of benzo's or my number of concussions has caused a decrease in overall functioning....probably a combination of the two. What I find best about benzo's is I no longer become a danger to myself or others. I can also socialize better, I might be a bit more naturally goofy but I no longer have the wall of regurgitated responses I have learned from others in order to socialize.

In short...avoid them if at all possible. If there is nothing else that works...then that is ok....but not common statistically. Make sure your are using them for the right reasons. Escapism will eventually lead to abuse. If you see yourself taking more than you are supposed to or more frequently then you know you need to cut back and quit/taper off.

Benzo's do lower your life expectancy over the long term just an FYI...there haven't been any proven to do otherwise.

They can also cause brain damage, not always...but the longer you are on them and the higher the dosage the more likely the last two things will happen. (look it up if you like....{life expectancy benzos} {brain damage benzos})


I do understand the not being taken seriously....I have recently begun working again...and because of this my parents believe I am now able to do more than I had before I worked. Unfortunately the opposite is true....I am getting behind on everything that I need to do outside of work. I don't have much support anymore...but it's alright though...my parents are getting older and could die at any moment. I need to have some self sufficiency even if it is only a treading water amount.

I'm against the idea of "faking" or pretending to be normal, mimicking neurotypical behaviour to fit in, pretending to be something you're not for other people's convenience. In my experience this just leads to burnout or breakdown, and doesn't alleviate alienation anyway, because people are only relating to an act, a performance, not to you.
Just because you're not rocking in a corner doesn't mean you're not autistic, and should be free to behave like one, and have others treat you as same.

Let me describe this in a better way.

1. I do suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks, this is why my psychiatrist prescribed benzos. They are working because I'm less anxious and I'm not having panic attacks. I got to the point of throwing up and feeling sick because of anxiety alone. Getting off benzos right now when I'm so under pressure (college transitions, routine broke, I fear changes, etc.).
The fact sometimes I take more than prescribed is because tolerance is building, and yes, I tend to medicate my life away.

2. Trying to fit in is what gave me major meltdowns and made depression worse. It exacerbates psychological issues. I suffer from bipolar disorder too. I'm on meds for this reason too. I take antidepressants and mood stabilizers too. I'm not just autistic, I'm also mentally ill.
I do not mimick people all the time, but I only try to observe them so I can act in SIMILAR (not the same way) ways in social situations. I just try to observe and see how the NT world works. I did learn lots of skills, but it's not the same as actually being NT and you all know this well.

3. I do stim, but not visibly. Yes, it helps. I remember doing it a lot before benzos when I had panic attacks. The more anxious I am the more I stim. I stim without being anxious too (excited, bored...) but anxiety makes me stim more (rubbing my nails, removing cuticles, moving my feet, bouncing my legs, rocking, rubbing my legs or arms and others).
But no matter how much I stim, when I have severe anxiety stimming is not enough. It does help, obviously, but it's not enough.

4. I don't plan to take benzos forever. I will get off them eventually. I just feel like I can't right now.

5. Without medication for bipolar and anxiety I'd have constant mood swings. I used to self harm too. Gladly, I stopped that addictive, self destroying behavior. Before meds my mood was all over the place.

That said, when you have serious mood disorders and anxiety that affect your life in significant ways you can't stop meds. I could stop benzos at some point, but not antidepressants and mood stabilizers. Not just autistic, I'm mentally ill, which means I need certain meds to fix chemicals in my brain.

Hope I gave more useful details now.

You're going to have to quit benzos anyway simply because you'll run out of pills. They don't work anymore obviously because you are taking more than are prescribed (overdosing). You are already addicted. It's never going to be the right time. You're just going to have to make the decision and do it at some point.


Do! It!

Do! It!

Do! It!

Do! It!

I don't really overdose, my script says 0.25 mg a day, 0.50 mg a day. I take 0.50 mg or 0.25, it depends, then sometimes if I'm particulary anxious or have a meltdown I take up to 0.75 mg or 1 mg at once. It's not like I do this everyday, just when I'm too overwhelmed.
I don't think it's addiction, it's more like occasional mild overdose. I will only stop when I feel like it's safe to do this and under medical supervision.

The problem with me being mentally ill while also being autistic is that I find it harder to cooperate with mental health professionals and express my feelings and symptoms in a clear way, because I find it hard to find the right words and connect them in order to form sentences that fully make sense and keep a conversation going. I tend to say things in a way I didn't mean to, and when I want to say something I tend to never say it the way I intended to say it, if you see what I mean....this doesn't happen much when I write down my feelings, but it happens a lot in spoken language.

It's also hard to do group therapy and stuff like that, because you're sometimes expected to socialize, and everyone does it to a certain extent except for me.

My cousin was like "how are you being undiagnosed? It's easy to see you have an autistic behavior, at least, it's evident to me" and I said "well, I don't know. I guess people here, including professionals are not trained well or have no clue what mild types of autism sound and look like and they only know the non-verbal, classical, Kanner type of autism".

When you feel like your life is complicated and you're stuck with issues like being everything neurotypical, heteronormative, mainstream society despises, it's easier to abuse whatever you can get your hands on. It's easier to just forget stuff until something or someone pulls you out of your misery.