Let's be Friends-Idea for the Aspie girls in the world

Post Reply New Topic

Hey everyone,
One thing that I noticed is that on these forums I see reply's that are years or months later from when the original topic was posted. Or when people reply they only visit the topic once and never come back to it. I know Aspie's can struggle with getting or maintaining friendships, and I've always wondered if this was because we're trying to become friends with NT's, and this can be difficult since we have a hard time reading NT emotions. But since we are all Aspies, and more specifically Aspie girls, I feel like our friendship needs are similar. Feel free to join in on this post if your a dude, I just put girls in the topic line because female Asperger traits are different from male Asperger traits so I feel I can relate to them more. I know in my other post people brought up Skype, and I don't see any Aspie skypes but I am more than happy to start one. But if you struggle with friendships or relating to people I want you to reply to this post about your experiences and I will reply back to you and then you reply again and so on. This way we can build a reciprocal friendship rather than giving a post and never checking back on it. You don't have to reply everyday if you don't want to, but I will definitely check your posts everyday and respond to you. Let me know!

Hello, fellow Aspie female here.

When it came to real life friendships with others, I was typically more successful at this when I was a lot younger... In elementary school, I was part of a small cliche that I seemed to fit in very well with, (I was more of a follower, but that really didn't bother me all that much), but sadly, my two best friends in real life ended up moving away from me, and since then, I've been having trouble making and keeping new ones.

My difficulty with developing relationships, or even the relevant skills, is due to the fact that I am socially passive; I do not interact with others unless they initiate it.

When I was young, I was actually oblivious to others (family, neighbors, classmates, strangers) unless they were interacting with me. Teachers always took the initiative in the classroom, so I always stayed engaged in schoolwork. Classmates, however, probably thought I was just shy or uninterested.

But, when I started to notice them (maybe around 10 years old), I was still oblivious to the idea of starting a friendship with them. Much like most people are oblivious to the idea of starting a friendship with an inanimate object like an eraser.

Then, when I started to desire friendship (maybe around 15 years old), I was already overwhelmed by everyday tasks due to poor executive functioning skills. The brief moments that I was not busy or exhausted were not enough to sustain friendships or learn social skills. This is still my biggest obstacle for maintaining relationships today.

_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

"I am silently correcting your grammar."

Hello ladies,
I'm new on WP. What are the differences between male and female aspies?
I'm giving advice for online dating and I don't want to give bad advice because of ignorance.

Hello all,
Knofskia, I understand what you mean about passive interaction. For me this depends, if it is small talk it's hard for me to initiate the conversation. But when I am work or leading an organization it is easy for me to be the one initiating, I guess because there is a task at hand so there is a plan in place, which makes it easier for me to be talkative.
Closet_Genius, I've never met any other Aspies before except one who was male. and instead of being Aspie he seemed to be more highly caustic. He would have tantrums when upset, and obsessed over trains and games. I felt bad for him because he would get made fun of a lot, and I'm not sure why. To me people shouldn't be made fun of for being different. But anyways aspie boys are described in textbooks as more like computers. They have a harder time understand the social and emotional cues of neuro-typicals compared to Aspie girls. An aspie girl can fit in and appear normal in surface conversation, to only be recognized as different when deeper conversations arise. whereas an aspie boy might be recognize as different from the start. But if you wanna know more info on aspie girls, Sam craft and her blogs on myths of aspie girls would be good to look up.

There is a woman who moved to my neighborhood that I think is reaching out for a friendship but I am not 100% sure so of course I effed it up over the weekend. I messaged her today to apologize for being so distant, that I wasn't being standoffish but that I let my anxiety get in the way of making spontaneous plans over the weekend. I also confessed that I can't do spur of the moment playdates since I have to mentally prepare myself to meet with someone new or have someone new over to my home. She seemed OK by this and admitted that she herself has these same fears but is also looking to get out there more. The problem is, sometimes I disclose too much! So now I am worried if maybe I gave her TMI and she will think I am even weirder. She seemed pretty genuine when I met her but I have made the same mistake in judgment before.

My problem is I am brutally honest and not sorry about it, I don't like the games. I live in a wealthy neighborhood where a lot of the moms do the massages and all that girly stuff that I hate. Just last week, I was talking to a friend when someone else came over and started a side convo about spas. I ended up joining that convo about the new foot spa with "I don't like being touched" followed by the look and the person excusing themselves and leaving. In hindsight, maybe I should have softened it up a bit and said something like, "Oh that sounds so great but not really for me" or something more NT.

I really don't need any more friends, I actually have some great ones although they might not fit the definition of close friend by an NT standard. For example, my "Best" friend lives states away and I only see her about once a year and only speak to her a few times in between. However, this is the only person I will tell things about my relationship with my husband and the like. All my other friends, our relationships are mostly superficial and that is fine by me.

The reason I am looking to meet people now is to expand my kids' social circle so they don't grow up with the same hangups I have. My parents never socialized outside of family and it hurt us, I can see that now. I only leaned to pass via hard work and observation and obsessively reading Judy Blume and Ann Martin to mimic the girls and their relationships. This need to branch out stems from my oldest child's obsession with her best friend, sometimes it can get out of hand and it has caused problems. I am seeing a lot of friend = special interest behavior that I know cannot be healthy. I do not see a lot of aspie traits in her but this one really stands out. I see a lot of myself in her obsession since I had a special interest boyfriend that I was unhealthily obsessed with in HS