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I'm a 33 year old male and have been trying to create a meaningful and mutually enjoyed relationship my entire life. I can usually pass for neurotypical until you get to know me. People just think I'm really shy and weird... Or they know something is wrong with me but can't figure it out. I can get women interested because I'm a good looking fellow, but they always dump me within a couple a months. I actually just got dumped again and she didn't hold back telling me everything that was wrong with me... It was a little devastating this time. My personality is "blah", I'm too impersonal, I'm too serious, I'm too antisocial, too uptight, too sensitive, I'm not funny enough... That is the short list. Basically, I'm not human enough. But... I just can't express myself, I'm not that serious (that's just how my face looks), I try to be funny but it is just awkward as hell. I want to be social but it gives me migraines and zaps me for days. I'm quiet because I don't know what to say unless we are talking about a subject. I have an above average IQ and am talented in art and music, but that is not enough to give meaning to relationships that women desire. I can connect on a personal level once I know somebody well and am a very loving and caring person, but they always seem to be left wanting socially and otherwise. She said I need to find someone like myself. However, I find that highly improbable. I have restricted interests, this is part of the problem. What is the point of this post? I hate being alone and am becoming incredibly depressed. I want to make a woman happy, but don't know if I am capable. Advice or suggestions?

Some of the mismatch can be due to the introvert/extrovert mismatch. Most NT women are extroverts; most AS men tend to be introverts. So to find a better match, you may have to join groups which are more likely to have a large introvert membership. Meet-Up is a possibility. If you have social anxiety as well, as many people on the spectrum do, then consider a social anxiety group where there will be immediate understanding of the kinds of mismatch you have been experiencing, and generally people with social anxiety are compassionate and understanding of others in similar situations. Collective sharing, belonging and mutual understanding in a safe group can be powerful and transformative.

Thank you. Yes, my social anxiety is bad. Sometimes it has to do with the atmosphere itself. Places can become disorienting if there is too much going on, combined with social pressures. Went to a bar with friends yesterday and was meeting new people. Was incredibly loud, packed and "busy". In circumstances like this, my face turns beet red and I'll become disoriented or angry, one or the other. But yes, I agree. Will look for an introvert.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Break-ups sucks.

First off, I'll play the wrong assumption police here. "I have an above average IQ and am talented in art and music, but that is not enough to give meaning to relationships that women desire." Women don't go around with score cards. Right? They aren't just looking for talented men. They are looking for true love. Unfortunately, all the talent in the world can't produce that. So just put aside this idea that if you were more talented that you would have a love right now. Ditto with a sense of humor. Those are just stereotypes. They are things women say they want, but it doesn't really hold true in the real world.

One of the things women do want is to be seen as individuals. They don't want to be treated as rout love subjects. And that makes it extra hard for autistic men to provide what they want because this is how we do "being human." We mimic. We copy. We create routines.

Once you pick up your booboo heart a bit, you might want to consider finding an autistic woman to date. There are plenty of talented women out there who would totally get you, and not get so offended by your lack of exuberance.

Personally, I also define my search as being for an authentic and meaningful relationship. I think its really attractive, to certain women, that you say so up front. And that you are willing to learn and grow is a really attractive trait. You just need to find that good match for you.

Just give yourself some time. Break-ups happen. Even to neurotypicals.

Perhaps I misspoke, or you misunderstood. Said I know talent in art and music isn't enough to make a woman happy. Meaning, yes, women require more than that to be fulfilled. But thank you, I understand.

Howdy. It's me, Miss NT. I told my ex-Aspie friend several times that if an Aspie guy is with an NT gal they have to learn the "needs" of NT women and this is the need of "connecting". NT women need to feel a "connection" and this is through spending time with them one on one either talking (which Aspie men hate) or watching a movie together or doing a hobby together - spending some togetherness together. NT women also like someone who listens (which usually requires eye contact and small talk which Aspie guys also don't like). We like to be asked how our day went by someone who really wants to know. We want to know that our Hunny has thought about us and this is by doing little things like maybe a cute text sent during the day or something as small as a "good morning" text or love note. We just need to know that our Hunny cares and this is a lot through gestures and body language (which Aspies have a hard time with). That is why Aspies have a hard time connecting with NT women - we have to feel a "connection" and if we don't then we will get very depressed. They say that NT women feel really alone in NT/Aspie relationships where it is an NT woman and an Aspie man. I once read a book of what NT women should expect from such a relationship called "22 things a woman should know when in a relationship with an Asperger man" or something like that, and it was very depressing. There definitely has to be work on both sides to make the relationship go well, but that doesn't mean it can't happen - I have known several NT/Aspie relationships that have went great as long as both sides know what they are dealing with and want the relationship to work.

Do you tell them you're autistic? The time I tried that, it didn't work out well. She said I was making it up, because I hide it well. Her perception of ASD was limited to the severe side of the spectrum... as many people's perceptions are. I was just trying to be honest so she would know what she was getting into, but it screwed everything up. So, I told myself I'd never disclose it again. People don't understand autism that well around here... Well, anywhere honestly. I would probably fall into the PDD-NOS category if it still existed. My psychologist uses the term Aspergers with me though... outdated here in the states as well. She diagnosed me with ASD.

That's why I said it has to be with a person who wants to learn more about Aspergers and these forums help. I used to also think of the severe autism and people now will think that way even more since Aspergers is mixed in with Autism as a diagnosis. I didn't even know anything even close to knowing what I do now about Aspies having to learn how to "act" like NT's. It's a continuous learning process and like learning a new language - just like Aspies have to learn how to be NT. Right now, I'm having problems understanding the alexithymia thing. For me, I would want to know that someone is diagnosed with Aspergers so I know what I'm dealing with, otherwise, the person is just going to think that you are weird. If you tell them, that will also weed out the people you shouldn't be with anyway, right? If they don't want to learn more, its best that they are gone.

This is the article that the person above is referencing. Anyone care to rip it apart? Because personally, I don't have the patience to do so without giving myself a migraine.

http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2011/01 ... aspie.html

There are also in existence several comebacks from the autistic community that range from very serious to just plain funny. This stuff is contemptible. It deserves to be made fun of.

https://thedigitalhyperlexic.wordpress. ... shock-you/

https://emmapretzel.wordpress.com/2016/ ... atriarchy/

I forgot this one: https://autisticacademic.com/2016/09/11 ... tic-women/

Its less snarky and more serious.

Anything to add? Feel free.

But just know, you don't need to be dating women who feel this way. They don't deserve the commitment and love that autistic men and women have to give. Find someone who values you for YOU. And knows that all marriages come with challenges that successfully married people work through together.