ASD & Lack Of Focus/Motivation/Concentration ETC

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realityasatoy
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 25 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 59
Location: USA

29 Sep 2016, 3:35 am

Okay, hope I am posting this in the right place. So basically I am a creative online fiction writer and after a long break I started writing again back in late 2013 and I was putting out content like a fire storm, pretty much speed writing and in large amounts as my creativity was on high. Well by March 2014 (Thankfully AFTER completing my most successful story) I hit a point to which I can only describe as apathy and anhedonia and I assumed it was a deep depression or whatever.

I thought this was temporary, I've run across it before and it always worked it's self out, I also figured it was maybe burn out after putting out a 60 chapter story to which each chapter was over seven thousand words. Well two weeks was the maximum I had ever gone with this feeling and so when after a month it didn't go away (all of which I put my time into trying to find a solution, to which I did) I came to the conclusion that it might be possible that my brains reward system was messed up in some way.

I went to my psych with this theory and was told I might have a dopamine deficiency and so when I asked for an ADHD Med, as I read these were good for depression, I was prescribed Vyvanse. Result? Complete cure and I put out a 21 chapter story and then a 32 chapter sequel to my biggest story, then I fell short by putting out an 11 chapter story to follow but despite it's length, it was a good and enjoyable story.

Then the problem or maybe another problem hit. I started writing a story and got several chapters in and decided I hated an aspect of it (originally it was a fantasy type story and I thought it was better in realism) so I had to erase it and entirely take out the supernatural aspect to make it realism and essentially rewrite it.

Well to my luck it turned out being far better after the make over but towards the end of it I felt like I was starting to run on empty again and (to me anyway) had to give the story a quick ending that I felt was unsatisfying and kind of left it to hanging open and in the air but complete none the less.

Post the Vyvanse I had went back to speed writing which is how I accomplished what I did, the last story being released in early 2015 and I promised more to come. Well I went the rest of that year and all of this year putting out nothing. Ideas? Not a problem, in fact I think I have too many ideas.

At first I struggled with not feeling like anything was original or unique enough. Then I would get ideas and like so I would start writing the stories before another idea hit me and I would decide my previous idea was not as good as my new idea so I would erase and rewrite only for the vicious cycle to repeat.

I'd write a paragraph and then just totally lose interest. The want is still there but I don't know about the drive, the Vyvanse seems to have lost whatever it did to give me the ability to plunge myself so deep into my special interest/hobby that I could speed write.

As a child I was diagnosed with ADHD and I don't know if that was a misdiagnosis or if it co-occured with my then undetected ASD and I read ADHD symptoms and ASD symptoms could sometimes overlap and if I have ASD that shares symptoms of ADHD (being why it could of been a misdiagnosis) or if I have symptoms because the disorders co-exist with me.

(being no misdiagnosis, just ADHD masking the ASD. Really in my life I've had a poor psyche history with people who obviously didn't see a whole lot of things, I mean as a teen I was misdiagnosed with ODD when really it could of been the ASD/ADHD or even the bipolar mixed with the BPD I was already predisposed to due to heredity or some combination of the whole mess, I am a bit bitter about being mislead and feel like my life has been a lie because people just couldn't see.)

Anyway, sorry for the long post but to get to the point, the ideas are there, I just can't focus/concentrate long enough to get something done, like more than a paragraph without taking a break to do something else. That and the fact that I keep second guessing myself and restarting every time I have a new idea. See my most successful story gained me more attention and feedback than I ever had and while I do this for me there is a part of me that wants the attention, it's kind of like validation for me, plus the need for social connection that came from getting the feedback which brought surprise when I'd check to see what was said and then getting to respond, every story after that got enough followers for me to be happy but I didn't get the feedback like I did with that one.

So if anyone managed to read all this, apologies again, I am just looking for any kind of advice. I think medication is a given but I don't know where to go with that. A different ADHD med? Or maybe adding one? Vyvanse is slow acting, I read it's not uncommon to get like say Adderall but then which one? IR XR Or immediate release? Then there are others, concerta, ritalin (which I took for a year as a young child) or Dexedrine and if not combination and just switch altogether, still which one? There are to many and it would take too much time to try to compare them (not just to vyvanse but to each other as well, say adderall compared to Concerta or Concerta compared to Ritalin and then Dexedrine compared to Concerta and then to Adderall ETC)

Anything would be appreciated.