I have a Bizarre, Unknown Mental Disorder- help identify?

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Greetings everybody.

This is my first post to this site, and a lengthy one. I’d like to share with you all today a lengthy and detailed description of an unknown metal disorder/phenomena I have, whose frequency has increased over the last two months, leading me to seek out an explanation as to its causes and what it might be from others. I know you all aren't psychologists but I'd somewhat like assurety I'm not the only person who experiences the same. It may or may not be related to my Asperger's, but honestly I doubt it has any connection whatsoever from what I've observed of others with Asperger's.

Now, I consider myself an avid learner, and have always held an immense fascination with psychology and mental disorders. Seeking out and reading about even such rare ones like Capgrass Delusion, Cotard’s syndrome, and Macropsia, of which somebody not familiar with the field is unlikely to have ever heard of. The below description you’re about to read however, is unlike the description of any mental disorder that I’ve ever come across. Indeed, even when taking up the topic with legitimate psychologists and sharing the same testimony you’re about to read with them, they were unable to suggest what it might be, except to suppose its cause might stem from the amalgamation of several complimentary mental disorders (the most likely two being Asperger’s and Depersonalization Disorder) but their descriptions were unsatisfactory, and failed to account for key aspects of the below “disorder” I’m about to share with you. The experience doesn’t happen often, only about twice a year. But lately it’s happened more frequently (as I just mentioned) which has peaked my curiosity on the topic, and I can contain it no longer. You might relate to tidbits of the phenomena I will describe and be tempted to speak outright, but please discipline yourself to read the entire lengthy description before you reply. I thank you in advance for your patience.

Sometimes when I'm observing certain spaces, always 3d spaces (or more specifically when I'm an OBSERVER in a 3d space) particularly spaces like buildings, rooms, houses, and etc. from within, the space I'm looking at/in begins to look radically different from before, not the familiar space I'm used to... but rather a completely new rendition of the original place, but not in terms of appearance per say: Instead I pay close attention to particular things like the perceived design’s position in 3 dimensional space in proportion to other elements occupying the same plane. In other words, the design aspects of the space I’m looking at/in which, again, Is usually a room or a building (sometimes even a website). The objects therein don’t morph in size or shape such as with other disorders of perception like Micro/Macropsia, nor in color, but rather, I perceive notice new patters and designs related to the objects’ positions in 3d space that triggers feelings of immense pleasure, and a sense of being able to detect that something about the wall, room, hallway, website, building, etc. is just perfect which somehow I didn’t notice before. This doesn’t just affect the perception of certain objects but of the entire matrix (room, building, hallway, etc.) wherein they’re present. Upon making this realization I’m overwhelmed with an odd feeling... as if the design's essence reminds me of some sort of archetype of space that I find to be the apotheosis of pleasure, and perfect design, and somewhat like nostalgia ("I've seen this before! I'd recognize this anywhere!") as well as somewhat of a tingling feeling, of the type that ASMR videos are known to trigger (though not in the scalp but in my body itself) and I find myself in a euphoric and surreal state of mind, when making these mental connections to the space around me. The pleasure I feel isn’t merely the pleasure one might feel when becoming acquainted with a new area for the first time, but is a pleasure so powerful, and a euphoria so great that the feeling is staunchly different from any emotion one might experience in their day to day life.

In other words, I notice something has changed about the room and area I’m in… Something in the design thereof that has made it perfect. Something about it I somehow never noticed before, about how it fits so perfectly in comparison to other things around it. And this realization is coupled with a surreal or dream like mental state and feelings of sheer awe and pleasure, such that can’t be mustered in one’s daily conduct. One doesn’t necessarily proceed to the other (the perception, and the feeling coming from the perception) but they both manifest simultaneously.

When the experience is over, I immediately loose whatever train of thought I'd been going off of: That is to say, I can no longer perceive the same things or see the same “patters” in design around me that characterized my original euphoric, dream like state. No matter how hard I try to see the same aspects I’d seen before… I can no longer do so. As for what aspects those are I’m not exactly sure, because I can’t conjure up an exact mental image of whatever it had been that was triggering these feelings… The only reason I know I had them in the first place is because I remember the feeling and it being triggered by perception, not the perception itself. I can remember enough detail about the perception to make the above descriptions with a certain aura of confidence, but can never exactly pin-point what it is I saw or perceived that was so amazing, because I was so disconnect from reality at the time: Like in a midway point between a dream and awakening.

The experience is really surreal and usually happens either late at night or in the morning, but sometimes at various points of the day.... I can't tell you how often it happens cause honestly, I don't know. But I estimate it to be approximately twice a year. I'm not even sure it's a real feeling or mere madness... But it does, like I said, trigger feelings of pleasure and is very surreal. I remember this happening since I was really young… Some of my earliest memories are of this delusion (I say delusion for lack of a better word.) I had the same experience this morning except instead of a building it was.... the website I use to check my emails (which is rare, because usually it is rooms or buildings) and before then, about two weeks ago, it was my room.... In the first case I mentioned, the website looked radically different for a moment (but somehow paradoxically the same, it’s hard to describe) and I paid particular attention to its position in 3d space and how it related in terms of aspect to other elements of the same 3d space (in this case the other tabs). But the feeling didn’t come from looking hard and paying attention to these things, but from nostalgia (“Ah-Ha! This is familiar!”) and I concluded the website must be perfect, and observed certain aspects of which that somehow I can’t notice when not experiencing this delusion, and afterwards was unable to see what it was that made it so perfect no matter how hard I tried. But the perception yielded feelings or momentary joy coupled with a dream like state.

I’m not exactly sure why it happens, but I don’t doubt my senses. My hypothesis is that it’s just a momentary disconnect with reality that causes these familiar surroundings, like my room, the internet, my house, etc. to suddenly look foreign to me again for whatever reason, so I get the feeling that they’re brand spanking new and recognize patters and what not that for some odd reason, I’d never seen before. Not only this, but these patters I recognize, are oddly…. Memorizing, pleasure inducing… But this of course fails to account for why I can’t see these patterns again…
The dream like state I’m in during these events is characterized by an inability to process time correctly or recall certain crucial pieces of information. In this wise it’s like a “Waking dream”, or a state of dreaming when one’s awake. Except when it happens, I’m not asleep: I know this by piecing together chronological events which occurred before and after the event and deducing it must have occurred during such and such a time when I was awake. And being tired doesn't usually precede this event. But indeed it's unlike any other state of mind I'm capable of describing.

Are you confused right now? Don’t worry, so am I

Thus ends my description of this bizarre disorder. And before you respond to my post, stating your opinion on this bizarre phenomena and what it might be, please take into account the following factors:

- I don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs of any sort (even prescription), or any other substance which would account for this experience.
- I wasn’t abused as a child or teen and suffered no traumatic events that might also account. The onset of these episodes long predates any low periods of my life.
- I’ve had episodes of so called “Depersonalization” and Dissociation before, so I know exactly what that’s like, but it’s not what I’m describing, in case you were about to point that out… the Depersonalization feeling yields notably different perceptions of the outside world, and perhaps the staunchest difference of all is: The former comes as a result of depression and doesn’t improve one’s mood whatsoever, whereas the experience I’m referring to induces Euphoria (extreme pleasure) and a sort of “Sixth sense” of perception which I’m incapable of perceiving otherwise. I should know, I’ve experienced both.
- In my life I’ve met one other person who seemed to have the exact same “disorder” and like me, he had not the slightest idea of what it was or how to describe it in spite of a fluency in psychological topics.
- My parents are both Neurotypical and don't have anything even somewhat related.


Anyways with all this information in mind the question I’m asking you all today is:
Do any of you relate? Have any of you ever felt what I’m describing? Do you have any idea what it is that it might be? I’d would appreciate your feedback, even if it was a simple “Yes, I’ve felt the same way” or “No, I’ve never experienced thus” that I might receive assurity I’m not alone. Often when we read a description of an emotion or what not we try our best to emphasize by connecting various unrelated memories into one “picture” which we attempt to compare with the canvas painted by the describer, in order to try and emphasize therewith. So really ask yourself, “Is this description completely fitting of events or experiences I’ve had in my life? Have I really felt like this before?” Thank you in advance for your answers, and for getting this far I look forward to hearing your opinions and feedback

I have had a similar experience (with a tree in a field), but I had just smoked waaaaay too much weed at the time (I don't do that anymore). I know you don't do drugs, but maybe the same chemical is being affected.

It's interesting to me that your dissociation experiences are related to depression. I dissociate a lot, but it's never associated with depression. Most of mine is from anxiety.

Sounds like some form of seizure.

I don't think so... I think that's a bit too specific to be a seizure, and I walk away from the episodes intact, despite them having happened several times in my life. Seizures usually entail nerve damage, eh? And I know of a few friends who've had seizures, and family members... and don't recall them ever being capable of making an inference as to their surroundings (much less a happy one) during a seizure...

First, I wouldn't call this a mental disorder since it causes you no distress and does not impede your functioning. It sounds like the other side of the coin from your tendency to experience depersonalization--at the times you describe, rather than seeming alienating and remote, the environment seems to be in a harmony you feel deeply personally appealing. The euphoria you get might be something like Stendahl's Syndrome, an extreme emotional reaction to the experience of beauty. Perhaps the slight changes in the environment trigger the experience because it causes you to look closely at details, checking for what else might have changed, instead of mentally glossing over a familiar scene.

If you enjoy this state of mind, you might be able to cultivate it by using mindfulness techniques. Just tuning fully into the world around you can bring bliss.

i have that kind of episode occasionally, although it's usually connected to abstract perceptions instead of concrete ones. i've noticed that it tends to happen in spring

i remember one time in particular i felt like i could fly. i knew perfectly well that i couldn't, but i had a very vivid sense that i knew what it felt like to fly, and that it was a real memory from a past time when i could do it (even though, again, i knew perfectly well that it wasn't)

my best guess is that it's connected to a kind of mood disorder. those episodes themsleves aren't problematic, but i guess they can be a sign of something that may be about to happen (in the following days or weeks), and they have the potential to be indirectly problematic if they function as an escape from a distressing life (because it can distort your sense of what to expect from reality, by making everything else seem bland by comparison)

I have schizophrenic traits and genetic markers, but never experienced de-realization, unless under extreme, physical stress.

For instance:
cooking pottery, during a heatwave
lengthy, marathon exercise, when not fully recuperated from illness
sleep deprivation, during extreme cold.

Some people report that it comes from anxiety attacks, or traumatic events, and others from vegging-out, into hypnagogy. I think primitive people inflicted upon themselves trials of endurance, in many forms, as a means of attaining enlightenment.

And, it can happen, for non-disease-related reasons.

Does there seem to be a trigger, or a common element, in your case?

You might not post this, in public, but is it ever negative -- particularly including an inclination to hurt yourself or others?

Have you ever lost your mind while using tools or driving?