Anybody got any eye contact tips?

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Hi there everybody

So basically, like a lot of people on here, I'm feeling really stressed out having to make eye contact with people.
I feel stupid saying this, I'm 30 and was diagnosed aged 29, I have felt anxious and stressed interacting with people my whole life and only recently started to realise it's from making eye contact with them. I think I stare at people, I feel like I'm locked on to them and find it hard to look away. I'm a teacher and I give one on one classes to adults and I'm at a stage where i feel I can't do it anymore, the stress from having to manage eye contact with someone who's sat opposite me for an hour just feels like too much. I've also noticed almost all my male students seem to flirt with me and I've become super self-conscious that I might either come across as flirting with people or challenging their authority. A couple of months ago I had a panic attack while in a class and I haven't gotten over it.

I haven't had any professional guidance since getting diagnosed and I don't know how to cope with these things. I would be really grateful if someone with more experience could give me some tips. How do you manage having to make eye contact for an extended period of time without getting stressed out?

I've tried looking at the bridge of people's nose but I just got confused and distracted from the conversation.
I've noticed that my students do not sustain eye contact for as long as I do, they often look away, shuffle papers etc. this makes me think it's ok for me to look away, but I don't know how often I can do this, like, how long is it acceptable to look at someone for? how often can I look away?

Part of me wonders if just looking away every few seconds and then looking back might give me a break from the rising tension?

Are there any resources/videos that train Aspies in eye contact?

Thanks in advance for any advice

Eye contact is a major area of concern for us on the spectrum. Like you I used to stare holes thru people; I must have made them terribly uncomfortable. Thing is tho, coming from a man, its considered offensive; but coming from a woman, its considered a come on. I think I was about the same age you are now when I realized I had a problem with where to direct my eyes and began looking at people I converse with much less. I had to cognitively control it tho, no way could I relegate it to subconsiousness. It took a good while mind you, but became better at it.

If you could keep a text book or some papers (notes, lesson plan, or something) in your hand or front of you on the table, it would give you a good place to "cut away" to, kind of as if referring to something. I wouldn't really recommend a computer of any kind, even a tablet, as that looks too much like you are distracting and ignoring the person(s) you are talking to.

Anyway, I try to strike about a 50-50 balance between who I am talking with and looking else where, maybe 60% elsewhere and 40% on the person, if the topic is sensitive.

Hope this helps.

I was picked up on eye contact in therapy aged 29. 24 years on it is still something I have to remember to do.

Business environment I wing it with eye contact to begin, not long though, then a refresh occasionally, just a short time so they don't feel left out.

Looking elsewhere about the face never worked well for me, and ended up making me feel self-conscious that they'd notice the unstable/off-target gaze anyway. Holding eye contact for long especially in close proximity (around a meter) feels like it's straining my eye muscles, and I can't focus on whatever information they're trying to impart when doing that.

I've had some luck with the "check in" method where your eyes only have to meet theirs at key points (beginning of a meeting, end of a meeting, asking them "what do you think?", etc. Also at times when I'm tired my eyes defocus and it feels less intense.

Then what doesn't make sense, there are other times I feel like it's not much of a problem.