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Joe90
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06 Oct 2016, 6:29 am

My "poker face" looks unhappy, apparently, but strangers seem to think it's ok to just say "cheer up!" without a thought. I find it rather insulting. I mean, they don't know what thoughts I have going around in my head, or what's happening in my life right now. Why do people think it is ok to just intrude like that? If they don't like it, then look the other way. I understand if you are with people you know or you are talking to them, but not just a stranger who you see for about 2 seconds and will probably never see or recognise again.

Why do people think they have the right to do this?


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SaveFerris
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06 Oct 2016, 6:53 am

my view is that people always think they know best and they don't see it as intrusion , they see it as a way of being helpful to show you at least 1 person cares. It never occurs to them that facial expressions could mean something different to the way they percieve it.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2016, 6:59 am

I can understand how it can be irritating.

I think people feel cheered up when others are happy.



ASPartOfMe
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06 Oct 2016, 7:25 am

I am always bieng asked what is wrong or why are you upset when nothing is bothering me.


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BeaArthur
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06 Oct 2016, 9:54 am

A variant of "cheer up" is "you'd be prettier if you smile." AAARRGGGGHH. I'm not put on earth to be pretty for you!


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SaveFerris
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06 Oct 2016, 10:43 am

BeaArthur wrote:
A variant of "cheer up" is "you'd be prettier if you smile." AAARRGGGGHH. I'm not put on earth to be pretty for you!


or "smile , it may never happen"


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Joe90
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06 Oct 2016, 11:31 am

It is not helpful if you're not the smiley sort when out by yourself, or you have a lot of stress going on in your life, or you are lost in your thoughts. It's just annoying, and I bet if an Aspie told a complete stranger to cheer up we will be scolded and being told to mind our own business and we lacking empathy.
(Not by the person who we told to cheer up but just by others).


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SaveFerris
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06 Oct 2016, 12:01 pm

Joe90 wrote:
It is not helpful if you're not the smiley sort when out by yourself, or you have a lot of stress going on in your life, or you are lost in your thoughts. It's just annoying, and I bet if an Aspie told a complete stranger to cheer up we will be scolded and being told to mind our own business and we lacking empathy.
(Not by the person who we told to cheer up but just by others).


A lot of people of hypocrites , they'll happily tell a stranger to cheer up but if the roles are reversed "p*** off"


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nurseangela
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06 Oct 2016, 12:40 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
my view is that people always think they know best and they don't see it as intrusion , they see it as a way of being helpful to show you at least 1 person cares. It never occurs to them that facial expressions could mean something different to the way they percieve it.



That last line - most people don't know about Asperger's and the facial expression differences. NT's rely on our non-verbal facial expressions and body language. For myself, I don't like that phrase because it's like a quickie bandaid. A person doesn't just cheer up because someone else says. I usually ask the person if there is something going on - if I am interested that is, otherwise I'll leave it alone.


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06 Oct 2016, 1:24 pm

"Cheer up" Roger that! Depression ceasing to exist in 3...2...1..



BeaArthur
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06 Oct 2016, 3:41 pm

*slaps forehead* why didn't I ever think of that!

Insta-cure for clinical depression .... just cheer up! D'oh!


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06 Oct 2016, 4:20 pm

I get that all the time, along with a plethora of other reäctions which show my demeanor invites them to adopt a dominant attitude, ask me whatever they want with the most blatant disrespect for my privacy, and tell me what to do like I'm a little boy who can't be allowed to act on his own judgement.


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Joe90
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06 Oct 2016, 6:49 pm

I am usually expressive with facial expressions, but when I'm in public places on my own I don't feel the need to have to keep up a happy face all the time. I only have a smiley expression when I'm with people. When I'm on my own, and not talking or making eye contact with anyone, my natural facial expressions disappear. It might be social anxiety.

Years ago, when my mum's dad died, and she had been to his funeral, somebody (who didn't know she had just been to a funeral) said sarcastically, "oh cheer up, looks like you've been to a funeral!" and when my mum told her that she HAD just been to her dad's funeral, the woman felt embarrassed, and really bad, and had to apologise.
So people shouldn't make rash judgements because there could be one of a million reasons why a person may be looking sad what you don't know about.


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Spiderpig
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06 Oct 2016, 7:04 pm

People will keep doing what they want to, whether we like it or not, so it's useless to talk about what they should do. Better focus on what it is that they're sensing in us that encourages them to have no respect for us. Hint: they're probably sensing weakness in some form or other.


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SaveFerris
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06 Oct 2016, 9:13 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
People will keep doing what they want to, whether we like it or not, so it's useless to talk about what they should do. .


This website would only have 329 threads if it was useless :P


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06 Oct 2016, 9:24 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
A variant of "cheer up" is "you'd be prettier if you smile." AAARRGGGGHH. I'm not put on earth to be pretty for you!


I've said that to a few dirty old men in the past 7 years. I mean the last sentence


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