I have taken Cannabis, Synthetic Cannabis (do not recommend, it put me in a timeloop and disassociated me from reality in an unpleasant way), Psylocibe, LSD and one time use of DMT (want to use it again).
I think that I have a very low tolerance for psychedelics
The first time I had one tab of LSD I saw that all of nature is made of eye balls, was trying to come to terms with what it meant to exist, I believed that all my life's experiences were just my imagination, I was trying to understand my place in the universe, whilst in shorts and a t-shirt in the cold night of a bush doof, thinking that it was my place to be eternally suffer in the cold, I kept collapsing, trying to see if I could pass beyond and snuff my ability to be able to experience. During this trip I experienced what it was like to be addicted to heroin, a depressed and lonely homeless person and a narcissistic model. I was trying to be spontaneous, and do something significant of my free will, I sang Jimi Hendrix's Izabella, with all the trills and subtleties till my voice became hoarse. Everything had cosmic significance, I was unable to think about time, I felt like a puddle of ooze till my friend came and scooped me out of the dirt and took me to a tent, (not my tent, as I could not comprehend possessions). This changed me, I let go of a mindset based in lack, and came to accept myself as who I am.
I have had mushroom trips where I enter into a Buddhist-Hindu divine realm, a sort of reality that is hidden in the way that trees and clouds move in the wind. An incredible geometry that relates to any pattern in nature and somehow is able to extract painfully beautiful information from any visual object. I was Ganesha-Shiva-Buddha in sexual union with everything around and in me, non-verbally sharing kindheartedness divinities, roaring a synethesia fractal that contained all the meaning in the universe. This bliss became an inescapable hell of endlessly realising you are God, and being totally alone as you are surrounded by yourself, unable to fix a perfectly broken pattern, causing pain for all the beings around you, when I only had their best interests at heart. I became an off kelter triangle laying in my friends kitchen.
In another mushroom trip I entered the same divine sexual, loving realm in relationship with the whole of everything, roaring mathematics in a public park (I ate the mushrooms growing in bark whist at the park, and was in no state to leave). In this trip I explored what it meant to be a child, and be an adult, how to balance these parts of our personality.
I was transported into the womb of the universe, inside my loving Mother, I could see that I am baby Krishna with infinite love for myself and others, looking at my floating body from different perspectives simultaneously, as if I were in the fourth dimension.
I came back to a mathematical reality that was based in our shared perspectives to see the intricate folds of a policemen's blue rubber glove, they were trying to communicate, but I was not verbal though extremely expressive with my body.
I was lifted into an ambulance and taken to the hospital, fairly disassociated from what being high and riding in an ambulance implies because I was much more interested in feeling my body as we climbed a hill.
My father was at the hospital, visible worried, talking at me about something, I could understand him, but was more interested in the fluorescent shapes that mapped the topology of his face. He looked beautiful beyond description.
I had an LSD trip at a psychedelic bush party, I went walking by myself to get away from the extroverts and music, I noticed that I was following Buddha, unable to ever reach him as his form rolled through the foliage of the trees above my path. I could see that I was being observed disapprovingly by mediators, I let go of their perceptions of me, I could see that these people were being competitively spiritual, clambering all over each other as each tried to reach the highest point of a human mountain, that I was being competitively spiritual. Somehow I let go an dropped through my chest, tumbling out into a reality where I saw desire personified as my lover, I was hyper expressive, with every part of myself performing an elaborate mating ritual, till I noticed I was being filmed by camera men with camera's that don't exist in this world, urging me not to be distracted by them, I let go of their perceptions and entered totally into the experience of my desire, singing the universe. I was suddenly in the centre of the bush doof, coming out of my song, when one young man said that you can't leave us hanging like that, I rolled into another wave of song and hallucinations, becoming an AI in a futuristic virtual reality that combines science and gorgeous art in a Photoshop like program, somehow my song became a perpetual motion machine with energy excess to my needs, spilling into every one nearby.
I contemplated my lover, using her as a meditation object, to try and understand desire and the reason behind things. I saw that she is inescapable, that she is behind every action, whether deem pleasant or unpleasant, every action that we have is unknowingly exalting her. I poured over billions of numbers, searching for all the places I love her.
I began to come down, comfortable-uncomfortableness was becoming uncomfortable. I was getting cold, but I do not want to move from my spot, even after it was time for me to move on.
I made it to a fire pit near my tent, I was trying to read the Doa Te Chin, I could see coherent messages hidden within it's poetry and landscape paintings. I was offered DMT, I had a cone. I had an uncanny experience of getting high at incredible velocity, I was looking at a beautiful young man, as if he were a Greek god, but a thousand times more gorgeous than any art I had ever seen before, I stared at him entranced, looking into his skull at a rotating fluorescent star of David made of pyramids with rounded edges and vertexes.
I eventually came down, and in the morning I wanted to leave very much, I could not wrap my mind around what had happened last night and I could not stand being in an environment where people express their personalities. I became angry with my partner inside all forms and told her I would never speak her name again.
My last big experience was this new years night. I had drunk a large dose of honey and mushroom tea, had a puff of a joint, and put half a tab of LSD under my tongue. I was at a folk festival. Walking with a friend back to camp when I was hit by a Dionysian urge to dance-contort along to my fractal singing. I split from the group accidentally, singing and dancing, moving through different dimensions, standing still as all the ground became covered in writhing snakes, dancing atop their upturned fangs, immune as their venom ran through my veins as blood. I thought that the processing power that lay behind our reality had shrunk to the 7m * 7m square I was dancing within, I was birthing divine humanoids in the patterns of dust, protecting and hatching snakes, accepting that they have a place in nature.
I saw the sun rise several times on new years day, I saw a person enter the river, whist every frame of their movement transforming them from animals to technology as surrealism would be if the things in paintings could continuously transform themselves.
In the morning light I could see huge insects and coiled snakes camouflaged in the bark of trees.
01 Jul 2015, 8:04 am
