Being told your selfish

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Just wondering how many on here get told their selfish on a regular basis, no matter how hard you try not to be. And does it always come as a complete surprise? And if so how do you deal with it?

I find it really upsetting and don't really know what to do about it.

I mean I get the word 'Autism' coming from the Greek 'autos' meaning self, own, of or by oneself - but I think it means more that we are lost in the self rather than selfish?

(Yes I know it comes from the Latin 'Auto' - but this comes from the Greek!)

I grew up with both my parents constantly telling me I was cold and selfish. I think part of it was not knowing what people expected or wanted without being told in a literal fashion. I'm not good at guessing.

well I was called selfish/self centered by my mother when I was a kid/teen but that was before anybody knew I had Autism I didn't think of it then most recently I was called a self adsorbed sh!t by an ex friend because I felt uncomfortable being set up for going for coffee with a waitress how did I react to that? I went to full self defense mode but only to get a whatever in response I'm glad I'm not friends with that person anymore.

However in contrast people that I know at the college I go to as well as one of my instructors tell me how they like the fact I go out of my way to help others without looking for anything in return

My mother called me selfish quite a bit growing up. I'm pretty sure my sister did, too. I didn't have any friends that said this to me, and in fact they remarked at how willing I was to help others.

In college, though, I did have on person that basically told me I was a "bad friend." I don't remember all the details of that conversation except that I felt really, really bad that I was hurting her feelings. I hadn't done any of those things on purpose, and I determined that I was going to do different. That is basically when I began to become concerned about what other people thought of me and trying to be more conscious about doing what other people expected of me. In some ways, that is good. In other ways, not so good.

I am pretty sure that my problems with my mother were primarily related to executive functioning issues I had (like forgetting to do my chores.) This was a constant argument. I was smart and did well in school, so no one thought I had any difficulties whatsoever. So, any problems were automatically attributed to character deficiencies.

I freely admit to being self centered and selfish, so anyone who calls me either is perfectly correct.

I have been called selfish by other kids when I was a child and teen and my dad's cousin told me I was selfish when I was 15. Now the word is self absorbed by my mother. I think that is another word for selfish because it sounds nicer than selfish. Selfish implies intent, self absorbed means not paying attention to your surroundings. Everyone is selfish sometimes. And I think people sometimes think people use that word to manipulate you and guilt trip you so you will give in and they get their way.

I don't know how much I got selfish. But I got "thoughtless" a lot. Extra sucky because I was working my butt off trying to accommodate everyone but myself.

Both of my parents told me that I was selfish when I was in my teens in hopes of raising the autism out of me.

Even though I'm aware that I'm being self-absorbed/egocentric/selfish/possessive, I have yet to hear anyone say that in a serious manner or at least in a manner that affects me. I don't know why is this...
Either online or offline, whether I'm aware of it or not, whether I intended to or not.


But ah, human nature...

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I get general "uncaring" more often, but I have had\do get "selfish" occasionally too. Like most other posters I do often to fail to see the selfishness of my actions, especially when I compare them to the accuser, but I don't know if that's because they're a hypocrite or if my ASD is masking something from me.

I remember this one time someone kept begging for my chocolate bar, calling me all sorts of names for not giving it to them. I don't care that you're having a diabetic fit, I'm hungry!


(that last bit was a joke...)

I usually go overboard to not be selfish, sometimes to my own detriment. I am very absoorbed in my own thoughts and my own little world so I feel I have to compensate for being emotionally absent. That said I have been made to feel very selfish when asking for help with psychological problems. People tend to tell me that I'm making them feel bad or doing them a disservice by being depressed etc., even though I spend all of my time trying not to be a burden

Autism make you selfish? I read that Cerebral Palsy make you selfish & uncaring.

In response to your topic, I have been called selfish repeatedly, but that, I believe is because I have learned to put on a permanent blank stare and not speak about things that I know bother me to people who I feel don't truly understand. I don't think Autism makes you selfish at all, I just think that Aspies are sometimes viewed as selfish (by NTs) who don't understand what it is like have autism. I am on the higher achieving spectrum (I am not bragging at all by any means), and I still have just as much trouble with relating to other people as those on the lower achieving end of the spectrum. I truly don't think that selfishness is related to Autism at all.