Why is my life full of pain?

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Yes, I have many problems and the biggest one of them is Aspergers syndrome. I can't be normal. People usually go away when they realise I'm autistic and weird. I feel left out, I don't hate myself but people seem to hate me. I dont know whats wrong.

And I don't know how you fit in social life. I think a lot of people here has autism right. But you can still live like a normal person. You all have social life and friends. At least people don't hate you. I'm taking antidepressants since 2012 but I'm still the same maybe worse.

Is my life a punishment? I can't be happy. Even mentally disabled people are happy. Because they cant think and they dont care. My situation is worse.

I think your happiness depends on satisfying the human reward systems in your brain. The reward system for reproduction, movement, eating, achievement, belonging on the top of my head. Satisfying your reward systems sends stuff out in your brain that makes you feel positive emotions. I’ve heard there is alot of things that make you feel better outside of that also I can think of cryotherapy and weed. Breathing slowly is great too. Music makes me happier. So to answer your question why your life is full of pain, I think it’s an absence of happiness. It usually is.

I don't think that slowly breathing or cryotherapy can solve problems with no friends, but maybe you can try find friends between people with Aspergers syndrome or you can try find friends online.

Most people don't hate me, only ignore me - they have no relationship to me. Maybe you only think that they hate you.

Everybody has pain but being an "Aspie" usually increases the level and consistency of it. That is true for anybody that is "different" than "normal". We are different than most people in our thought patterns and socialization. People generally fear and hate difference and what they do not understand.

The way is ease the pain is to accept that the above is the case which since you do not hate yourself you are starting or have done. The other way is to figure out what works for you and what does not. At age 20 most people have not really figured that out and constant pressure to be "normal" makes it soo much harder. As the expression goes "disability does not mean inability" so it can be done but a LOT of patience is needed .

I’m autistic and am challenged with verbal processing and social interactions. I tend to get into sensory and mental overload pretty easily too in situations that don’t bother NTs one bit. And I have a severe form of PTSD on top of it. Over my life I’ve found there are things I can do that are satisfying to me and lead to me feeling better and there are things that make me feel desperately unhappy. I can get very unhappy and even angry beating my head against the wall of my differences from others and how I get treated by them. I was seriously abused as a child and bullied in school. Over the decades I realized that there was literally no bottom to the mental and spiritual hole I could dig for myself by ruminating on life’s unfairness and how frustrated I was with having a hard time at getting my needs met. I drank hard and even felt suicidal over that when I was in my 20s. On the other hand, focusing on how I can be of service to others has been the key to my feeling better about myself and people around me. Things like earnestly doing good work for my employer, being aware of their needs and participating in the structured environment there over time led to me feeling capable and valued. Being a manager at work and learning the challenges and needs of employees was quite hard, yet it made me feel connected, competent and better about myself. Doing animal rescue for about 40 years now, being in touch with what will help certain animals, providing daily care for them, learning as much as I can about veterinary medicine has kept me going each day even when I’ve been frustrated and down on life and also when I’ve been very sick. I usher at the church where I’m a member and greeting people and making them feel welcome as they arrive makes me smile genuinely and I feel good about that. I’ve even found I’m good at getting conversations started when people are self-conscious. I’m an alcoholic and participated in AA for decades and volunteering to do things like setting up meetings, making coffee, and cleaning up afterwards or sponsoring and helping newcomers made me feel useful and it was a chance to talk to others and feel that I had commonality with people (as opposed to the feeling I often get that I’m a total alien creature), that my efforts were valued, and that there were solutions that worked in other folks’ lives that could work for me too. Over the years, in the long run, developing a spiritual focus, getting out of my own head and being of service and participating has been the most freeing thing. I’ve been on a bunch of different antidepressants, antipsychotics, and other psych meds and none of those really helped – in fact they messed me up a lot. Trying to get others to understand me and fulfill my needs was a frustrating disaster – non-autistic folks almost universally don’t understand autism/Asperger’s and I bitterly resented that for a long time and it sucks that the world is that way, but I’ve come to see them as being uninformed and trying their best to function in the world they know with the people they know. When I can help people understand autism and correct misperceptions, I’ve tried to do that – however it’s just not an issue that is on the minds of most NT people. I can’t really always communicate or interact as an NT would, and I’m trying to do better at being more authentic and not to hide my autism so much and that has been happening over time and I feel better about myself doing that. It has always been a work-in-progress for me.

I don't know this, but when you say mentally disable people are happy because they don't know any better, I think that would only apply to the very extreme (comatose). I think many people with lowered IQ's are happy, because they are forced to accept their situation, and they have learned to be positive because circumstance necessitates it. As it does for all of us, that reality just isn't as in the face, I think people with a lowered IQ could have a clearer perspective of reality in that way (pure opinion). Life has a lot of pain in it, it is hard to see others pain because it manifests differently, it's like apples and oranges. Maybe the people in your life who don't like you are toxic, or there are circumstantial issues that make friendship unviable. But I know for me when I am feeling depressed and people dislike me, I start to see it everywhere because I expect it. That is built into our biochemistry for survival, your state of mind allows the experiences you allow it.

Well. I'm happy right now and I'm not suffering any longer, dont know why. And I don't think people hate me now. Maybe it's just my mindset.

I reread my post and I agree with you, it could definitely come of as saying you are not suffering, I sincerely apologize that was not my intent. I have been reading a lot about neuro programming, I wasn't trying to imply you are imagining your suffering, but to try looking for positive in new people you meet, not because you said anything that would make me think you wouldn't but because I know when I feel down, I am more vulnerable, and don't give up hope in people. I was trying for very general advice, I am not good at saying the right thing. I am so sorry.

No i was talking about my current mood. I was feeling worse when i started this topic, now I'm better. Thats all. not a fault of yours

That's awesome, I am so glad to hear that.

What if we turn your statement around.
Yes, They have many problems and the biggest one of them is being Neurotypical. Why can't they be normal and be like the rest of us as we are Neurodiverse. We are just perfect as we are.

Everyone's life is full of pain. Suffering is part of the human experience.