How does it feel to be autistic?

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How does it feel to be a bat? There is a famous essay (which I haven’t read) by a philosopher of mind (some Nagel) about this problem. Nagel’s thesis is that feeling a bat and feeling a human is quite different. In humans, consciousness gains a qualitative level which makes it different from what any other animal feels. I disagree. I believe that conscious experiences are all different for all animals.

But, for humans, conscious experiences are also different for each human being for a matter of inherited characters, memories, conditioning environments, learning etc. I found desperately difficult, perhaps impossible to have someone understand how does it feel to be autistic. Of course it’s always nearly impossible to feel what other people feel. Only elemental emotions, fear, disgust, hunger, thirst, can somehow be shared. But how is it possible to share the experience of living an autistic life? Perhaps the most apt way might be this: imagine when you start to ride a bike or to swim. There is a moment in which you are someway to know how it works to ride a bike or to swim, but still you cannot do it, Then you feel anguish.

Imagine that that moment lasts all your life. All your life you are practicing to swim. Practicing is horribly hard and some point you will get to know that you will never really learn! You may give it up to learn biking or swimming, but having an easy intercourse with other people? Can you give it up without your life being devastated?

It's impossible to answer.

(That answer itself is what it's like to be autistic over here.)

A relief

I was going to say, I dont know how does it feel to be a dragon, but you beat me to it

I wouldnt know how to be anything other than what I am, and normal doesnt really exist, so I guess it feels pretty damn good. Most of the time. Everyone has thier rough patches.

I have been playing chess my whole life. Im 35 now . All I can say is Im losing better.

Seemed appropriate.

I think If I could explain what it feels like in way someone else would understand I wouldnt be as Autistic as I am.
I watched a youtube video of a non verbal brilliant woman stimming with water, doorknobs, etc. I found it soothing to watch. ( Im an AS couch potato, stimming is a spectators sport ) I felt that way but I wonder what an NT feels watching.

I notice minorities in my area seem to be friendlier and more patient with me. I had a doctor of the same minority and he said that oppression is reconized, that the fact I would speak to minorities without preconcieved beliefs earned that. I never read "the Invisible Man" (not the HG Wells version) but maybe thats what its like.

I noticed in a recent social event others were ridiculing me for a belief I had that was contrary to the leader of the pack. The minorities did not.
Isnt it true AS peopel have the hardest time with thier own socioeconomic group? I find travel easy because in another country Im obviously not one of the pack and people know to act with that in mind.

I have seen myself intently watching myself intently watching myself intently watching myself intently watching myself intently watching myself intently watching myself.

It can be overwhelming.

Hmm..the only thing how I can answer that, and it might not even be relevant..
But being me feels like..being me.
I like being me.

It's just when the rest of the world doesn't accept me for being me.
"You are wrong! What you think is 'you' is defective.

How does it feel to be autistic?

Ask a fish, "How does it feel to breathe water?"

Neither question can really be answered. How I am is all I've ever known - I've got nothing to compare it with, really...

It feels wonderful. I feel free to be my own person, and I feel great surges of creativity.

It makes me feel empowered, especially since I got quite a lot of the up-sides of autism (I am good at math, graphic design, and 3-dimensional spatial thinking), while not suffering from many of the less well-received parts (I am verbal, can function independently, and don't require any form of medications...)

Well u just have 2 live wid it as da autism will always b wid me 4 da rest of me life.

well... in order to answer that I would need to experience the mind of an NT somehow, and then compair or contrast, well... mostly contrast.

It sucks. It's not that I hate myself. It's just hard being different. If everyone was autistic, I think I would be fine. I feel like it's somewhat similar to being a minority and living in a neighborhood with a bunch of racist people.

I don't think neurotypicals are really intolerant. I think most people just prefer being around people like them. When someone acts really different, they worry the person might be crazy or have mental problems and avoid them to be safe.

I learned alot since I started a gluten-free/casein-free diet and took probiotics. I'm more normal now and can understand people better. The diet works if you have a problem with the enzyme that digests wheat and milk. The undigested protein in wheat and milk is similar to morphine and causes people to think and act differently. Unfortunately, a couple months after I started the diet I got an infection and took antibiotics and they made me much worse (more autistic). I'm now slowly recovering with probiotics and anti-fungals. I really liked being more normal for a couple months and was very disappointed after I relapsed. I'm hoping I'll recover from autism soon so that I can fit in and not be so alone.

Discussion and thread have a little derailed because of a catchy question and an oblique reasoning on my part. I would not exchange my life with the life of someone other. But: how is it possible to avoid total insularity, solipsism, no help in case of need without feeling contaminated by the universe of helpers. How to communicate your condition which is light years afar from that of the people you talk to? There seem to be a relatively upbeat mood here, given to the fact that many people have, after all, companions, sexual companions at least, and some relatives.
You don’t drown (for now) you don’t fall from the bike. But the feeling of being on the point of falling or drowning follows you and separates you from “the others” like an opaque glass.

We are apart from the others and well aware of it.

They are too, but are not aware. NT is a low order general derangment.

I do not find any with security of place, all are living a fragile illusion.

Our constant awareness of differance blinds us to their differance.

They suffer the same as we do, but not being aware, they just keep going.

Of all the NTs I have known, I would not trade places with any.

Life has sometimes been a struggle.

But for the most part, I am happy. Even if I don't show it.