Why do people think I'm interested in them?

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W91T
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05 Nov 2016, 10:41 am

Hi. I know people mistake my shyness and eye-contact as flirting (even though I don't know why), but why do people think I'm interested in them even though I don't know them or had any interaction with them?



ja795
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05 Nov 2016, 10:52 am

I get bad looks as well, a lot of people will look at me like I've killed someone even though I've done nothing wrong. As much as it frustrates me, I probably have to accept that I can't control it, unless I actually go up to someone and ask them why, but that would probably be a bad idea.



W91T
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05 Nov 2016, 2:31 pm

ja795 wrote:
I get bad looks as well, a lot of people will look at me like I've killed someone even though I've done nothing wrong. As much as it frustrates me, I probably have to accept that I can't control it, unless I actually go up to someone and ask them why, but that would probably be a bad idea.


I've actually tried that, but they just denied it, even when it was obvious. It really frustrates me too.



starkid
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05 Nov 2016, 4:35 pm

W91T wrote:
Hi. I know people mistake my shyness and eye-contact as flirting (even though I don't know why), but why do people think I'm interested in them even though I don't know them or had any interaction with them?


Flirting usually implies interest. If they think you are flirting, then they also think you are interested.

Not knowing them and not having interacted with them is irrelevant. People are commonly interested in complete strangers.



W91T
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05 Nov 2016, 4:45 pm

starkid wrote:
W91T wrote:
Hi. I know people mistake my shyness and eye-contact as flirting (even though I don't know why), but why do people think I'm interested in them even though I don't know them or had any interaction with them?


Flirting usually implies interest. If they think you are flirting, then they also think you are interested.

Not knowing them and not having interacted with them is irrelevant. People are commonly interested in complete strangers.


Well that's a bummer, seems like I just have to avoid them as much as possible.



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05 Nov 2016, 7:36 pm

I've had people think I was romantically interested in them as well, though for the life of me I can't fathom why.

One thing I've observed is that flirters sometimes smile and make little eye contact. I've always been shy, so I do this often. When I sense people think I'm flirting with them I consciously try not to smile, and look them in the eye unflinchingly. What generally follows is people think I'm weird or aggressive or something.

It's a difficult world. I end up not really caring what people think, if they want to massage their egos by thinking I am romantically interested in them, it's their problem.


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friedmacguffins
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05 Nov 2016, 8:03 pm

W91T wrote:
Hi. I know people mistake my shyness and eye-contact as flirting (even though I don't know why), but why do people think I'm interested in them even though I don't know them or had any interaction with them?


If you haven't had any interaction with them, how do you know what they think.



W91T
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06 Nov 2016, 5:15 am

SilverProteus wrote:
I've had people think I was romantically interested in them as well, though for the life of me I can't fathom why.

One thing I've observed is that flirters sometimes smile and make little eye contact. I've always been shy, so I do this often. When I sense people think I'm flirting with them I consciously try not to smile, and look them in the eye unflinchingly. What generally follows is people think I'm weird or aggressive or something.

It's a difficult world. I end up not really caring what people think, if they want to massage their egos by thinking I am romantically interested in them, it's their problem.


It's annoying how almost anything can be considered as flirting these days. I would almost rather seem aggressive, but I know being able to ignore them is the best option, but it is hard.

friedmacguffins wrote:
If you haven't had any interaction with them, how do you know what they think.


They either avoid me or smirk, and sometimes when there are girls nearby they either give me ugly looks or immediatly hug the guy while they give me the ugly look.



jimmyboy76453
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06 Nov 2016, 11:05 am

I tend to stare, which makes people think I'm interested in them. I've accidentally attracted both men and women this way. What I've found is that people usually get this idea if they catch me looking at them or in their general direction more than once. It is frustrating because if I look away after someone makes eye contact with me, they think I'm shy. And if I don't look away, they think I'm creepy. I try to always look away if I accidentally look someone in the eye, but then I intentionally avoid looking anywhere near them for a while afterward. That usually works.


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diasp
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06 Nov 2016, 11:15 am

W91T wrote:
ja795 wrote:
I get bad looks as well, a lot of people will look at me like I've killed someone even though I've done nothing wrong. As much as it frustrates me, I probably have to accept that I can't control it, unless I actually go up to someone and ask them why, but that would probably be a bad idea.


I've actually tried that, but they just denied it, even when it was obvious. It really frustrates me too.

heh i have "much better" - about me say that i have eyes a rapist ;)

a flirting It can recognize almost everything, so better to piss it?



W91T
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06 Nov 2016, 12:25 pm

jimmyboy76453 wrote:
I tend to stare, which makes people think I'm interested in them. I've accidentally attracted both men and women this way. What I've found is that people usually get this idea if they catch me looking at them or in their general direction more than once. It is frustrating because if I look away after someone makes eye contact with me, they think I'm shy. And if I don't look away, they think I'm creepy. I try to always look away if I accidentally look someone in the eye, but then I intentionally avoid looking anywhere near them for a while afterward. That usually works.


I think I actually have the exactly same problem as you. Everything you said I could relate to, but my psychologist said I'm just imagining it and that it isn't possible that people could think someone was flirting with them just because of staring. But then, why do they react as they do? I have found out that when you look in their direction and notice them staring at you because they think you stare at them, you have to turn your head and look them in the eye. When I do that they immediatly look away.



W91T
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06 Nov 2016, 12:31 pm

diasp wrote:
heh i have "much better" - about me say that i have eyes a rapist ;)

a flirting It can recognize almost everything, so better to piss it?


Sorry that people say that. I've tried to accept it, but I'm bad at handling my frustration.



racheypie666
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06 Nov 2016, 12:51 pm

Apparently I was staring at a boy at work the other day. If I was, I didn't know I was doing it... :?

Anyway now he and his friend think I'm into him, and I had a very awkward shift this week with his friend bantering about it. I didn't protest because that makes it sound like you do like someone (logical!), I just ignored it lol. Yay :|



W91T
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06 Nov 2016, 2:29 pm

racheypie666 wrote:
Apparently I was staring at a boy at work the other day. If I was, I didn't know I was doing it... :?

Anyway now he and his friend think I'm into him, and I had a very awkward shift this week with his friend bantering about it. I didn't protest because that makes it sound like you do like someone (logical!), I just ignored it lol. Yay :|


How annoying, but ignoring it seems to be the best solution.



friedmacguffins
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06 Nov 2016, 2:45 pm

friedmacguffins wrote:
If you haven't had any interaction with them, how do you know what they think.

SilverProteus wrote:
They either avoid me or smirk, and sometimes when there are girls nearby they either give me ugly looks or immediatly hug the guy while they give me the ugly look.


Then, I think you're making a reasonable assumption.

In that case, I might be blunt.



racheypie666
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06 Nov 2016, 6:09 pm

ja795 wrote:
I get bad looks as well, a lot of people will look at me like I've killed someone even though I've done nothing wrong.


I know aspies have a hard time reading facial cues, and sometimes kids of abusive parents (my dad is/was psychologically abusive) read negativity in neutral facial expressions - but I know that some people look at me like they hate me. Not only do they do it, but they don't look away when I notice them, which is just weird.

One of the most satisfying things I've ever done to somebody who was looking at me like this, was to subtly laugh at her as she walked past me. She was a total stranger, and I was just in a clothes shop, not doing anything weird; still, she was staring at me like I'd killed someone. I told my friend about it and she said I was mean, but the way I saw it I was just turning the tables. In hindsight, if the woman was staring because she thought there was something wrong with me,then I probably looked even crazier for laughing to myself :roll: