This one coworker of mine at a temp assignment is so beautiful with her stunning figure, beautiful smile,confident, nice,mature and vivacious. She approached me flirting and it caught me off guard and I acted like I was put off but trying to be nice and say no, which looking back on ticks me off about me. Personally I shut down when she came around me I was like im not good enough and never could be your just a fantasy like a dream girl and I wouldn't know what to do to get her attention and keep it.
Until today when I was like im fed up.seeing her laugh at other guys and goof off with them like I'm assuming she is just friends with them tho. I started flirting with her and another girl like any NT GUY WOULD and then she told me im her buddy cus im awsome but more then that and looked me in the eyes. I'm afraid if one day I get more like autistic and seem like im cold cus It's hard to keep up. Maybe I could try to ride this emotional hormonal high im on and hype myself up enough to be man enough but what if I don't tho!! !!
Heres why I believe she likes me.
*she is nice to me and helps me with out question and says she doesnt mind
*she is very forgiving to me
*she smiles and looks me in the eyes when complementing me
*she says im cuddly and cute
*she says your my buddy cus your awsome but that's an understatement
*she bites her lip around me and looks at me but not in the eyes always
*she told me she loved me (thought it wasn't so at the time)
*she touches me and laughs
*she told me that she has rubbed one off in the bathroom before (she polly thinks of me)
*she talks sexually to me and all
*she likes my concidence she told me
cus a girl like her could have any man she wants, this is why im so nervous. She is an older woman she's six years my senior i'm 21 and she is 27. Also she has kids, 4 of them. there is something about kids that is just awsome. They bring out the best in me like I get all mushy and protective and feel like I'm back in middle school or even grade school. It's a bit odd I know but a part of me feels this and wants to be daddy and wanted to be for a while.
I have only been in one relationship before and it was tragic 5 years to gether and she died pregenant with my kid. then I became cynical twords relationships.
Idk how to show her my interest and to get her number and to do it with out sounding perverted and with out saying the word love to soon or rushing us and making her feel pushed into a relationship. Also how to initate small talk with women is another problem as im the one night stand type like barely get to know a girl and she is getting sexual and wants to be with me seemingly if the sex is awsome. This is due to the fact that im crushing like nothing else.which leads me to feeling like im not good at transitioning into conversation and into different topics with out talking fast repeating myself and all of that or saying "like um you know the..um" alot. I know a bit about her but she isnt like someone im super well aquaninted with. Also that im you know AT WORK. I respond vaguely yet positively to her sexual advances,plus I dont make them known, as in I only try to say it where she will hear me. I don't mind her touching me its honestly the thing that makes me feel good like im not this monster I built up in my head or what I believe people see me as (probably just self loathing / self dbout and not true) or even tharapists have told me I am. I never initate it tho as im hella hesitant as one guy got fired for it already.
Why I like her and want a relationship, well why I i'm pondering one.
*she makes me feel happy when around her I haven't smiled and laughed like this in a long time I hated this job but need the money now I look foward to it. Like im bummed out im not still there with her.
*she makes me want to be and auctually try to be the man I wish I was confident, energetic, hard working, and most importantly happy like truely happy like now I love myself and. (Im litterally crying typing this in cus it seems unreal and I feel blessed shes the best person to come into my life sepecially at a time like this) I think im not a monster.
*she makes me feel good about my self and have this confidence I never thought I would have but im afriad if it gets hard to keep up.
*im afraid to be sweet cus I feel she will sense a vonerability in me and run cus im not macho
*she makes me feel like I can better myself.
*I never speak badly about her to anyone no matter what she says
*she to quote eddy murphy "rouses my loins and my intelect"
*With her I'm afraid to touch her due to her being my co worker and harasment stuff. She instagates it and it makes me smile.
*She told me im awsome and that im her buddy cus she thinks im awsome but more then that and word is an understatement.
* I would feel I truely have purpose if I was with her. Or even just friends in that case I would be bummed but apprecative of her cus it would let me know I could be with a girl like her if I worked me a double s off.
*I litterally dream about her like just holding her in my arms and saying how blessed I am to be with her and how she inspires me to better myself.
10 Nov 2016, 9:16 pm
