Have I been misdiagnosed?

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Sorry this is going to be quite a long post...

I was diagnosed with ASD this summer after raising the issue with a psychologist.

However, I am now beginning to doubt the diagnosis. I have raised this with her and I will be seeing a specialist psychiatrist next week however would like to seek the opinions of people in the community and would really appreciate any advice anyone has to offer

My reasons for doubting my diagnosis are;

1) I feel my main issues throughout life have been problem behaviours such as lying (to avoid negative consequences), taking things that don't belong to me from those I'm comfortable with (e.g., food and cosmetics- though I have been making an effort to resist this behaviour), binge eating (involves a lot of lying and secretive behaviour), and avoidance of anything requiring effort or that isn't interesting/ results in immediate satisfaction, and making a lot of excuses (again lying, both to myself and others).

I also have longstanding low-self esteem (not surprising considering I'm now obese and this really effects me) and low confidence (though mainly in social situations).

For a long time I feel I have used my mental health (and now ASD) as an excuse for my behaviour and for not making the effort to change. While I have certainly suffered mental health symptoms I feel I have self-perpetuated things to the point where I am now lonely, failing, and often miserable. I have labelled myself as depressed when I probably wasn't and have been obsessed with getting a categorical diagnosis. I now realise clinical or not, I need to work hard and sort myself out.

I live with my girlfriend but it has been a difficult relationship (due to my behaviours and issues). I am also at university but have hardly engaged with my course and procrastinate EVERYTHING. I have probably spent most of the last 5 years in my bed either playing a game, binging on food and TV.

I also had a difficult childhood. I don't feel I can accurately describe what happened but there were a couple of instances of physical altercations and plenty of emotional shaming. My parents have their own issues and divorced several years ago.

2) Sensory Issues; while I reported some during the assessment I'm beginning to feel I was reading into things that are probably on a normal spectrum. Small light touches CAN be uncomfortable but not painful and I've been on rides involving strobe lights that make me feel ill (I'm not epileptic). I also may be a bit light sensitive in general but nothing extreme. For the most part I am so wrapped up in my own ruminations that I'm not paying attention to my surroundings (I find this very annoying). If anything I'm perhaps overly sensitive to hot temperatures (would dread getting asked to run plates when I briefly worked at a bar). I seem to have experienced some auditory processing issues but that could just be because I'm inside my own head and not paying much attention? Most importantly perhaps is the fact that I DO NOT experience meltdowns. I tantrumed a lot in childhood but I'm certain it was because I wasn't getting my own way.

3) I scored 11 on the systematising quotient. I probably needn't elaborate much other than to say I am horribly disorganised. I would like to be organised as I feel I'd be happier (wouldn't anyone?) but the fact remains is I don't follow rigid routines nor use rules such as prime factorisation (math is not my strong point) to get through my life. Mostly, I do next to nothing other than sit in obsessive thought patterns- fantasies, conversations/ monologues.

4) Socialising; I honestly don't know about this one as all of the above issues could be the reason I've always had some problems with it. I think I can do it to an extent and I WANT to... I know what certain facial expressions mean and tones of voice too... I'm not blind to them... I'm very uncertain about this one however.

Reasons I could be on the spectrum if the above doesn't completely disqualify me;

1) AQ score ranges between 32-34 depending on how I answer (though I'm sure I once took it years ago (for curiosity) and only scored 26 (perhaps I thought myself more socially capable or perhaps I'm now overthinking??)

2) Empathy quotient is 20-21

3) Special Interests; I probably have had what counts as special interests (though I'm not sure). The central fixation of most of my interests has been the relationships between two characters. I was however spending the majority of my time on these things and would talk at other people about them at every opportunity. I also developed a crush on a girl when I was 15 that turned VERY obsessive (for YEARS) but I was mindful enough to not resort to stalking, nor did I harass her. I just did a lot of pining. I didn't have the confidence as to approach her about it. Recently I've just been obsessed with this diagnosis but it's not bringing me any joy. I also have had fantasy worlds I've eagerly escaped into at times and these worlds may develop somewhat over time but usually involve the same themes and re-hashing the same stories (it is not a systematic fantasy world at all btw, more like... movie scenes?).

4) Socialising (and play); as a kid I liked adults and getting attention from them but didn't realise I was probably pestering them at times (especially teachers who I would regale with constant tales about my brother- though these were mostly if not all fabricated which could go against ASD?). I played with other kids at school but would usually just have one or two close friends. As I got older I had no interests in boyfriends (I'm bi not gay btw), make-up or anything like that but until I was about 13 would still play imaginary games with the few friends I had. I think I usually bossed the others around when it came to these games. I know at my friend's house we would play with her toy castle and I would dictate setting the whole thing up and I don't think there was much actual game playing. Circumstances had me change schools quite a bit and as a teenager I was a bit bullied and while I tried to fit in to a group of friends, was a world apart from them. A few of the girls were fine on a 1-to-1 basis however and we'd talk about shared interests (like doctor who which was super exciting for me) and the goings on of the group (I feel it was more out of analysing/ philosophising than gossiping for me). Outside of school I would go to the friend's house whom I mentioned earlier (and mostly talk at her about whatever I was obsessed with though I did ask her about her life too) and occasionally hang about town though this was usually an awkward experience for me as I was a quiet observer more than anything and was very self-conscious. I wasn't actually allowed out much. I realise this is getting very long now (too much detail is also an issue but I have an anxiety based need to get it all out) so I'll just say that with alcohol I can be very outgoing and I can be excitable with or without it. I'm not uncomfortable around everyone. However over the past 5 years my social life has certainly declined and a lot of that has been to do with all the issues I've already touched upon.

5) Demand avoidance; I am aware this is a profile for ASD and you may have gathered I am rather avoidant. I was rather jekyll and hide at home and school. This has persisted to an extent though because of the problems this caused in my relationship I've been trying harder. However, if anyone makes a suggestion that I should do something, or asks me to I often feel what I would describe a strong mental digging in of my heels. My instinct is to tense up, and then say or do whatever to get out of it such as "in a minute" or "okay okay I will (spoiler; I probably won't)". I think a lot of my tantrums as kid were related to this. Perhaps I'm just VERY stubborn and lazy but I wish I wasn't... I just don't seem to ever take that step into changing my reaction. It takes a lot of motivation for me to do anything. I can't impose rules on myself any better than another person can. I often do things out of guilt or because the anxiety over not doing them eventually overtakes the procrastination. There are however, things that I can do quite easily and these are usually things that result in an immediate benefit to me, such as coffee with that girl I used to obsess over (I don't now, but I like her company).

Final note, I do have OCD (purely obsessional) and have done since I was 7; the symptoms have changed over the years but right now it's occasional bursts intrusive thoughts (and possibly links to all the ruminating I do).

I've also have various other diagnosis in the past; ADD-NOS, Learning disorder- NOS, Mood Disorder- NOS (and OCD) which were the result of several days of testing with nueropsych when I was 17. She picked up a 'mild right hemisphere pattern' which apparently fits that I have a labile mood and couple of other traits.

Thank you so much to anyone that took the time to read all of this. Again, it's really appreciated as I know I've said A LOT.

I don't mean to be a thorn in your side. You could be a Hypochondriac. From what you said it really doesn't seem like you have ASD. A. People with ASD, are almost always hate lying. You don't really have the personality that comes with ASD. ASD is a part of your personality, and unless it changes through a pathology. Which is unlikely. ASD influences everything about you. Hints: Pervasive Developmental Disorder. You're probably a Pathological liar. My brother is one. My entire family (Except my Dad) All have their own psychological problems. My dad has a Genetic disorder that, my siblings most likely have to. You don't fit the profile.. Various, Psychological. I'm pretty experienced in the sort of stuff. You can trust me if my life turns out right I'm going to be a Psychologist.

Thanks for taking the time to read all that and reply. I agree that I don't fit the profile. I think I just wanted to because it was convenient at the time and I wanted there to be a reason as to why I am the way I am, but have since come to realise I just need to accept greater responsibility for myself and my actions. It's not that I never thought I might genuinely be on the spectrum but I don't think I had a very good grasp of what it meant to be autistic at the time. Hypochondriac and pathological liar? Well I definitely obsess and overthink and I don't trust much of what I say, think, or do anymore so possibly. Either way, I'm in therapy and I feel like I can start talking about these things as opposed to shoving myself in a box. I can hopefully work on this obsessing I do also. My whole family has issues too, including a brother who is likely on the spectrum which only added to my 'evidence'.

Good luck with psychology if that's what you end up going for