My story --
I felt that things can be shared, just for fun, during the holidays, and I was thoughtful. I thought, they didn't need to be useful, so much as "cool."
I heard that a dog needed to be walked by the nephew, and red was his favorite color. I worked my butt off for a red, leather harness, collar, and leash, which went unused.
My dad had a special interest in old trains and feels chilly. He got an expensive throw, where a machine weaves-in a photorealistic image of an old train, which went unused.
And, so on, and so forth.
Were I to live more independently, I would just show up, for the dinner and quickly excuse myself. Or, make an excuse not to come. I get worn-out trying to be the better person, when they are so negative and contentious.
They won't make a breakfast, or eat my breakfast, or just make a whole pot of coffee, to avoid doing everything two or three times. I think it's done as a form of gaslighting.
I won't be seen in public with them, like at church.
I've occasionally been put in positions of responsibility, outside of the house, and don't have nearly the same problems, running things. I will never keep a house, this way.