Taking questions literal

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Whenever someone asks a question and you answer it, you get accused of defending someone or whatsoever, does this happen to anyone?

This just happened to me on another website. Someone asked why do people dismiss abuse and I answered it and I got accused of defending those people who dismiss it by someone. I hate it when this happens. Either I take the questions literal or there is something wrong with my communication they took it the wrong way.

Is there a way to show the exchange here with user names / "telling details" redacted so there's no risk of identifying the other site or the user who misunderstood you? It'd be easier for me to figure out what's going sideways if I can see it go sideways.

No worries if you can't, or if it's too much fuss to be worthwhile; I understand.

FWIW, I generally find that there are some folks who don't "get" what I'm saying - these folks usually ask for clarification in non-abusive ways, whether it's spoken or written.

Then there are other folks who use the pretense of misunderstanding as a launching platform for hostility.
That almost always has nothing to do with *you* at all; it's their hobby, so they indulge it wherever they see an opportunity.

It can be startling to discover who's in that second camp, sometimes but edifying.

PS I am extremely! literalminded myself, so much so that I am on constant watch for it (and still it gets past me sometimes).

You just have to be careful, and reread what you just wrote, and imagine how it could be taken wrong. And then rephrase it, or put disclaimers into it.

But yes. There is such a thing as a "rhetorical question". A question that isn't really meant to be answered.

My English teacher in HS said that the ultimate rhetorical question was asked by Wendell Willkie when he was running against FDR when Willkie said in a campaign speech "is anyone here so damned DUMB as to think that this kinda policy can go on, and on???".

No one in the crowd is gonna stand up and say "Yes! Me! I am so damned dumb that...".

Likewise probably the person on your website who asked "why do authorities dismiss abuse?" wasn't really asking for someone to actually lay out the reasons why....authorities dismiss abuse. The person was inviting you to join in the person's own indignation about dismissal of abuse.

That person went back and edited their comment and it made me look crazy. The she tries to say she didn't edit it and only clarified and claimed she never asked that question but I told her the * next to a username means the post had bee edited. She never responded again. I also said people will edit their post to clarify things or to add in a missing word or to fix a typo or to add something.

Some people think they can outsmart you but too bad forums lets you know the post is edited. Makes it easier for me to not be gaslighted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt but the denying? So I told her * next to her username means her post was edited and she never responded again.

It was about abusive relationships and the person was asking why people dismiss it and she talked about people dismissing it and how she still keeps believing this is all real and she is not exaggerating and not letting herself listen to the comments and then asking if it happens to anyone else and if they relate.

Well no one has really dismissed mine so I couldn't relate and the fact I don't talk about my ex and my husband or my parents have never dismissed it so I couldn't answer the others.

But yeah people will dismiss abuse because they have never been in one and the fact lot of people claim their ex's as crazy and never have anything good to say about them so how would they know your ex is actually abusive? It's like crying wolf and then someone comes along who actually did have a crazy ex and they get put in that crowd instead. It sucks. So groups like that I am in are the reason why where people can go and talk about their experience without it being dismissed. "Oh lot of men are like that," "Oh he was just worried about you and lot of men worry about their women talking to other people online and to their parents." "Oh that was a logical thing for him to jump to that conclusion when you said that." "Now that you heard his side and know those things didn't happen you thought it did, you can move on." Yes one of my online friend told me couple of these things and then apologized for it and said he never experienced it so he doesn't understand it. One other comment was said to me on here and another member jumped to it saying they were thinking the same and then talked about their ex husband saying to them "Hey want to go for a run with me so you can burn off that bag of chips." I felt crazy after that. So I guess mine have been dismissed too but not a lot, only a couple times.

Also I do not think people actually label their ex's as "crazy" but the stories they tell, it's a crazy ex story. I have never met or seen anyone literally say their ex is crazy. Only I have said it but after I started seeing posts about their skepticism about all these crazy ex's they hear about and their worries about if they will be a "crazy ex."

I dunno.

I was thinking that you were being stereotypically autistic, and it was like answering "how are you?" with a dissertation on ...how you really are doing.Lol! But its probably not like that.

Spousal abuse is kinda like child sex abuse. Its hard to prove when its true, and hard to disprove when it isn't true. Being wrongly accused is devasting to a person. But real abuse being ignored is devasting. And that's a conundrum. And that's what the two of you seem to be at odds about.

Your experiences in life were different from hers. The authorities I guess believed you and took action, and they didn't with her. It could be more her being overly emotional than you being dense in some way. Just move on from it I guess.

It was a question of "Why do people do X?" but they are not really wanting to know why X happens. I took it literal because I thought she wanted to know why people dismiss abuse and where are they coming from when they dismiss it. But no she just wanted people to relate to her and tell her they have gone through the same thing too. She went back and took out that rhetorical question and edited it to people dismissing abuse without it being a question. I have no problems with what she did but her denying she did any editing is what kind of bothered me because I don't like to be gaslighted or lied to or when people try to gaslight me. But I killed it with kindness.

That's a good response . Kill them with kindness.

Oh yeah, happens to me too. I hope people would stop voicing the things they don't really want aswers to as questions... I mean these days I can often tell these apart from the actual questions and just ignore them, but sometimes I mess up when I think it really is an actual question. There has also been times that I've ignored real questions because I've thought they weren't meant that way.

Well something I see alot is people will answer questions literally and with logic and then be accused of some bs so that is what this looks like.

Omg, I always thought I was "good" about rhetorical questions but lately I'm realizing that I can struggle. Two big examples, from before I learned I was autistic:

(This one's a bit political but) in relation to a bill Congress was thinking about passing regarding abortion, someone said "who even gets an abortion past [certain amount of time]?!" to which I answered literally, "usually people whose fetuses/babies are already dead, or people whose lives are in danger etc." She started going on about how "well that's not in the bill" and went on and on about the bill and gave me crap for not reading it, but I wasn't trying to talk about the bill. She asked a question (that could upset people in that situation as well, with how it was worded) and I answered!

I didn't care about discussing the bill, I cared about discussing the way she put it forward and how there was an answer to her question. I'll admit I was a bit hung up on the semantics, but it bothered me how she didn't get what I was saying. It's like you asked a question, I answered, maybe word your opinions better and more clearly next time ugh

Earlier in my life, when I was a teenager (probably about 10 years ago) I was at a Christian youth group mission trip, and kids were giving me crap for my inability to eat the turkey sandwich (the year before it was delicious, this year it was terrible and I couldn't eat it, which I've realized is probably also an autistic thing). I said "I have a fear of having to eat it," which wasn't totally accurate, but I literally couldn't with my mouth being unable to swallow it, and I had been forced to eat things like that in the past as a child and it made me really anxious, the idea of being essentially force-fed something once again.

So the kids were making fun of me for this, and it was really upsetting. I don't totally remember what happened in the meantime, but later all of our church regrouped and the youth pastor asked "does anyone have any problems?" or something like that, and I talked about how I was upset at what happened. Then it became a huge thing and I got chastised for bringing it up at a "bad time," but I was like, dude, you asked a question? And I answered?

Like I was (and honestly still am) so confused about this. I get that like maybe I should have kept it between the people who it happened with, but then everyone was so mad at me for voicing my upset and I was so confused because literally all I was doing was answering a question honestly! And I wanted people to stop giving me crap about my fears (I also had some fears about the public facilities and cleaning them, and I knew everyone was thinking I was lazy or a brat, but like between my autism and my chronic illnesses and anxieties it was really hard for me). Those trips were so hard for me not knowing I was autistic. Interestingly enough, a friend's mom who was maybe not on that trip but on some, apparently works with autistic kids and told my mom that she thought I was autistic, which is interesting.

I've always thought myself pretty good at distinguishing between things like sarcasm and rhetorical questions, but when I "miss" them, like in these cases, it becomes a whole thing and everyone gets mad at me and UGH

I love history and when people asked, 'how could they do that? or how could people think that way?' I would try to answer, and I would be accused of defending slavery/feudalism/rape/murder, whatever. Now I know it's actually not a question but their way of saying that 'to do that thing, or think that way' is incomprehensible, thus showing they don't feel that way (as if it was in doubt ). The things people did in history are not at all incomprehensible but I find people don't actually like the truth, particularly when it suggests they might behave in the same way given the same circumstances.

That always explains why I would get answers like "People are stupid" "People are jerks" etc. and I actually want to know what are their reasons for it and why do they do the things they do or think what they think. My mom will give me real answers but she will say she doesn't know because she doesn't know the answer either. If she has a real answer, she tells me. Like she has explained to me why Native Americans were viewed not as human and why black people were treated as slaves or why Hitler went after Jews. She also also explained to me people fear what they don't understand and some people don't like change so they think those are other are crazy or "ret*d," yes she used that word to quote their opinion, when they see something different.

Even if I don't agree with someone, I still want to know why they they feel that way.

Exactly

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yeah that's not a "just". There is not "just" about that.

"Just know how other people might think about things!"
See: I'm autistic.

Yes. I give opinions based on facts, I'll even defend my enemies if they are innocent - wheres most people simply hate on people after they have put them in the 'bad' basket.

But it is true that you need to think about what you say to ensure it is received in an unambiguous way.

If replying to posts quote them, if it cannot be done automatically, you can do this manually to avoid them do a tricky edit.