Ii have a hard time explaining my ASD.

Post Reply New Topic

I never could explain what i was going through and experiencing.

For instance, i NEVER knew i had sensory sensitivity, i knew i hated the sound of airplanes, toilet flushing, balloons popping ect, and i knew these things were loud and scary but i never knew it was "sensory sensitivity" as a matter of fact, because i wouldnt respond to people and had a hard time talking, as a young child doctors said i had limited hearing so i grew up actually believing i was hard of hearing.

When i was first heard from other people on the spectrum, they could articulate they're problems very well (in documentaries that is) but i never could. I need to hear about it first and know if i relate to it.

Im very unaware of myself to a fault. It really bugs me.

Can anyone relate?

Another thing i never could explain was shutdowns, i always thought everyone shut down. I couldnt even pinpoint what causes shutdowns. The only way i could explain shutdowns was "i feel like im in a dream" or "im awake but im asleep" "i cant really see anything" "i cant think!"

I had a hard time explaining my issues too as a kid. I could only say how other kids were treating me and explaining the double standards I see. I also was not aware I had tactile issues so I never told my parents I didn't like anything tight on me. I just thought it was normal. I also kept being told everything I was going through was normal and then I said one day "But it happens to me all the time." I wasn't stupid because I didn't see kids going through it on a daily basis like me and only once in a while a kid would get picked on and then it blows over and that never happened to me because kids never moved on from me. I also recognized when I was 10 and 11 that kids could see invisible lines for when it's okay to do things and then its not okay and it was all very confusing for me. I described it as having a hard time figuring stuff out and knowing right from wrong. Then in 6th grade I had described my problems as how other kids have different rules than me because they can misbehave and I can't which turned out to be true so it wasn't me seeing it wrong. My mom thinks the reason why I got different treatment by school staff was because I was a sped student. I have read online by Karla Fisher on her ASD page that kids with disabilities have different rules than normal kids so normal kids can get away with breaking social rules and acting inappropriate and they enforce it on special needs kids. I realize I had a problem with injustice when I was a kid so I wouldn't stand for this when I was a child so I was stressed about it and unhappy as a result and wanted to be normal.

It always amazes me how people with ASD can be aware of not understanding body language and people and social cues, etc. when they first read about autism specturm disorders because I keep asking myself "how the hell do they know they have those problems?" Do people tell them they can't read it? That is very good self awareness there. Same as for how they know they have inappropriate body language and stuff unless people have told them theirs wasn't appropriate or if being misread all the time is a indicator of that. I think I have learned more about myself from reading about it and hearing from others experience with it and talking to my therapist about it in high school and talking about my childhood of all the bad things that have happened and how I would feel about things. To this day I still have a hard time explaining my problems. I don't think I ever explain it right to make someone truly understand. For example I can't really explain why I hate making phone calls or taking phone calls and taking a message or even explain why I hate doing the health plan renewal thing for my kids except that it just gives me stress. My husband and my mother ask me if I get a knot in my stomach and nausea and I said I am not having anything psychical symptoms, it just stresses me out.

My husband was about two ticks away from getting a level II ASD diagnosis, and he thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.

He thought everyone....

had meltdowns
have sensory issues to taste, touch, smell
had obsessive special interests
bothered by chewing noises and cooking smells

He did not know he monologues. He did not know he could not read body language AT ALL. Did not know about pragmatic and expressive speech. And thought everyone viewed the world exactly how he did. (?) I still don't understand that last one.

He knew he hated crowds. But he didn't know why routines are almost sacred, and any change would sent him straight to meltdown mode

It took my husband 4 years with me helping him to come up with a cliff notes version of why or what his ASD issues are. Now he could tell you, but that was me working with him...

Is this more like (x) or (y) when you have a meltdown? We did that together so he could explain what was even going on.

My husband knew something was "off" about him. At first he thought schizoid personality disorder was it. I read the criteria and thought *not even close*.

The guy that tested him for ASD had to break down the ASD diagnosis so my husband could actually "see" it.

Yeah, I've only rather recently tried to be more aware about that sort of thing and it's quite hard.

I understand the hearing thing. I can hear just fine, it's WORDS I can't always make out all the time. I can hear, I just can't always make out what words you are using and it sounds like gibberish...kinda like this:

As for explaining the autism/Asperger's itself, I don't. It never comes up and I don't go around announcing to people I have it. I've been volunteering at veterinarian's office since September and I think I'm getting along with everyone, but I'm not sure. My ability to trust others was damaged a long time ago, I'm just waiting for the metaphorical knife in the back. Perhaps it will happen, perhaps it never will. I'm just saying I can't let my guard down anymore, even if I wanted too. I said I was autistic at another interview and didn't get the volunteer position, but then I think the reason I didn't get it had to do with I wasn't as qualified as the other people. But still, I always wonder.

I didn't knew my 'fear' is actually called anxiety.
I didn't knew my 'angry fits of frustration' are actually called meltdowns.
I didn't knew 'running away to some comfortable place and feeling numb' is called shutdown.

Worse, these things don't come off verbally. Visually? Yes. Auditory? Very much. Non-verbal, non-auditory? Yes. But never verbal.
And so many terms I didn't knew. I'm sure even now, I still don't know ALL of it.


Although, I'm a bit more aware of what caused me to. Therefore, I found solutions for myself before I found out what those occurrences even called.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.