My aspergers girlfriend

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She struggle to talk and says her "English has failed" I think she can't convert her thoughts into words. Any ways to help her with this?

Some people have more difficulty learning languages than others. Also it is likely she has social anxiety which might make her freeze up when she's around other people.

You can download a free communication app (search for "AAC" in appstore/google play store), that might help?

I am not sure there is really much you can do to help, aside from being patient and give her some time when this happens. But chances are its due to somehow getting overwhelmed so I imagine all she can really do is wait till the overwhelm decreases before she can talk more. Any kind of prodding to try and get her to put it into words probably would not be helpful though.

It's problems with "executive functioning". If a person with autism focus too much on doing simple tasks, they can become unable to perform them. It has nothing to do with intelligence or disability. My theory is that when you focus on details it can be associated with new goals, or fears/stress or even interests that overrides the "value" of the ultimate goal in the bigger picture. I asked my psychologist if it was true and he said I got it right. So yeah why do we perform tasks? It is because its automatic and consistent with our goals. However if we change our values e.g. by focusing on details, performing simple tasks can be less automatic. You can solve it by creating awareness of goals and benefits of speaking english and not worry about the details more than necessary. Try to just enjoy it. The goal is to think in terms of "oh it would be so cool to speak english where I could communicate with all kinds of people from any country" instead of "in order to say a word I need to think it, then use my mouth to form an s, then r, then etc etc.".

General advice you can do:

-Talk to her about the goals of speaking english instead of how to do it.
-Try to focus her attention on other things. (this is something she can do if she doesn't overfocus)
-Do smalltalk, talk about surroundings, abit about yourself
-Don't be impatient, point out mistakes, focus much on her performance or give her time limits.

Create a relaxed atmosphere by:

-Not focusing on her performance
-Be cool and focus on other things
-Be cheerful and friendly
-Make jokes or slapstick humor

I find I can still type/write even when I can't get the link between brain and mouth to work. It's all slowed down, but still functional. Whereas talking is just an impossibility at times.

For now, this means using a laptop and typing things up if I'm struggling to speak. For Christmas I know that my husband is getting me an electronic notepad, so I can quickly scribble things down without having to go through the effort of getting hold of my laptop and making sure that he's near his - not so easy to orchestrate if you can't speak! I've requested this and he's agreed to get it. I also think it will help with making notes when out and about, to help me to plan conversations a bit better before I have them.

Being able to write either means I can attempt to go into detail and get things fixed. Or, I can at least scribble down 'can't talk' or something similar, so that my husband knows that this is a time when my verbal abilities are failing and not a time when I'm being moody or ignoring him. The latter doesn't tend to happen - I'm not like that at all as a person - but that doesn't stop him thinking it sometimes!

As someone else said, give her time and don't ask questions or try to help. It's well-meaning but it can be like throwing extra rubble onto the road whilst she's trying to clear it. It gives even more to think about/respond to, and just makes things worse.

If I'm not able to communicate for a while, I'm usually best left alone and not pressured. I come around in my own time and then get back on track. And personally, I'm a communicator and not an argumentative person, so I like being given time and I always go back and sort things out properly once I can. If I feel pressured to try and communicate, I usually find that it just makes things worse and I become even less able.

The response above is if she is English speaking but just loses her verbal ability in times of stress. Others are reading this as she's incapable of learning English when she actually speaks another language. If that's the case, ignore me.

When it happens focus on bigger perspectives and try to enjoy talking and dont focus on details such as brain to mouth relations. Any importance you have found in the details may be illusions which are overriding the automatic functioning of the goals associated with seeing the bigger picture.

Thanks for all of your replies! Alot of homework for me to catch up now I will report back if any of this helps. thanks

Oh and additionally she is American. English is her native language. When she says "English has failed" she means it as a metaphor. (tried asking what that means and she just says it becomes uncomprehensible) Also I have autism as well and on my diagnosis it says that my facial recognition absolutely sucks *The technical term is s**t* Among few other things. I already give her time but I sometimes prod her to talk more. Otherwise we're both siting there in silence. I often do the talking but it is hard for me to understand what's going on in her head. Whilst I understand what faces means I can't help but feel that there's more to a smile other than happiness and agreement...

Replies below.

@Snowcone "Try to focus her attention on other things. (this is something she can do if she doesn't overfocus)" - I get her to play games with me which gets her talking, but what could I give her for outside of games?

@ArielsSong She does abit better typing than speaking, but it isn't really compatible for her in everyday situations.

@Sweetleaf Well I have tried giving her space and I try to be a comic relief. Would something like a ring help? - last bit is open to anyone.

@teksla, @Private Idaho Sorry, miss-communication She's American.

Sriracha? Sri Lanka?

Have you heard of selective mutism? It's when people can't talk due to anxiety, and it's fairly common in autism. When she can't talk, can she write?

Have you heard of selective mutism? It's when people can't talk due to anxiety, and it's fairly common in autism. When she can't talk, can she write?[/quote]

I have and I'm not certain if it is that. I think our best bet is going with a professional. Thanks for all of your replies though (everyone).