I'm a little nervous about my future.
I am afraid of winding up alone, as I've mentioned in a few previous posts, but I've never attracted any romantic admirers or dated and my only experience with romance was an unrequited infatuation that's lasted for the past couple of years and also got me hospitalized at one point when I got too obsessive about the boy and he started dating someone else. I'm also kind of needy and dependent on others, and I really need to start learning to do more things for myself, like cooking and laundry. I'll be starting college next year so I still have some time to prepare, and as smart for my age as I know I am, I always wind up acting strangely around people in my age group and coming off as the stereotypical "special needs kid'' less mature than everybody else, and people often feel like they need to babysit me, like on a class trip to an amusement park last spring, where the teachers left me with a group of students and went off on their own, so I was afraid to go on some of the same rides as the others and someone always had to stay back and watch me because part of the group always had to stay together at all times, or accompany me to things I wanted to do that others weren't as interested in. Also, at one point I split off with another girl to play some carnival games, and though we notified others where we were going and planned a meeting place for when we were finished, we still wound up losing them anyway and spending most of our day searching for the rest of our group, and the girls we weren't with spent a lot of their day searching for us, so I was kind of a burden on them. I have a good friend who's dealt with a lower-functioning autistic brother and knows how to handle people like me, but she also takes it upon herself to help out other special needs people at our school and has told me that she needs more space and sometimes feels more like a parent to me because I tell her everything and often ask questions I could probably figure out on my own, but truthfully I just love talking to her because I've never had any friends that I could be so open with, and haven't had such close friends in years. I try not to bother her, and she says that I normally don't, but sometimes I do sense that I try her patience, as abundant as that patience is. Though I know she knows I'm smart and has a lot of faith in me, at the same time I can't help but wonder if she thinks I'm more autistic than I really am, though she does know that I'm capable of a lot and doesn't really underestimate me like other people do. I can't say I really blame her completely though, because I act a lot less mature than I really am because that's just the way I've always behaved and I'm still trying to train myself to show my maturity, and I've done and said a lot of odd things.
Anyway, I'm concerned about the kind of quality of life I'm going to have. I want to have friends, and relationships, and experiences. I know that nobody can promise me anything, but tell me... how would you describe your quality of life? What kinds of things do you think I can expect in life, even if you can't guarantee I'll have the same experience? Have you ever had any boyfriends or girlfriends, or any close friends? Do you get out a lot? I know that doesn't necessarily mean I'll have the same experiences, but please tell me how you got to where you are and what it's like being where you are. (Especially if you've had relationships. You can tell me all about your love lives; the scary or unpleasant experiences are okay, too. Truthfully, I just want to know how to get one, because no one seems to want me. One girl once told me that getting a boyfriend happens naturally, and if it doesn't ever happen with anyone, then I'm probably doing something wrong and I'm probably going to wind up alone. In a sense I know that's true if I keep acting as weird and awkward as I do, but I'm not sure how to stop acting that way without getting bored with myself. Also I know I did a LOT of things wrong with my first crush, like unintentional sexual harassment). If you don't feel you have a good quality of life, you can share that, too; I just want people to be honest.
01 Jan 2017, 10:20 pm
