Adult diagnosis females

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Anyone else out there who is married? How did your spouse react? I just made the mistake of telling my husband what I think my problem is and I think he officially thinks I'm crazy. He made a strange face and said I can't self diagnose myself with so
something like that and to talk to a psychologist. I know I can't self diagnose myself with something like this thank you very much but the tests and checklists all point to it. I was simply stating what I think may be an explanation for all my frustrating behaviors.

I don't even know what's real anymore.

SunnyBunny,

Welcome to WP!

I'm sorry to hear your husband thinks you're crazy for telling him something you suspect. I believe that people in my family would react similarly if I tell them what I suspect to be true about myself. I hope you and your husband can have a real discussion about what you suspect and that he can listen to you as you express specific concerns. I think some people are well meaning when they say, "Oh, there's nothing wrong," but they can hurt you as much, if not more than those who say, "There's a problem here."

I'm sorry he wasn't more open-minded about it. It's clear you are keeping an open mind, and taking a logical, scientific approach, noting your symptoms, seeing that they look very similar to Asperger's, and knowing full well that you're in the 'suspecting/questioning' stage, and not claiming to be in the 'diagnosed for certain' stage.

Your approach to this is the opposite of crazy.

And yet in this world, people in your position are constantly gaslighted by friends and family. You're just imagining things, you're not qualified to even guess whether you might have any of those symptoms, if you think you have Asperger's you're crazy. I got this attitude from certain people in my life as well, and unfortunately it's all too common.

Don't allow anyone to gaslight you. You know your symptoms better than anyone else does. If it's within your power to seek professional help and diagnosis, this would be a good time to start that process.

My own diagnosis came after separating from my husband - and his reasons for rejecting me were all symptoms of Asperger's. That's when I realized it was a real, life-shattering problem, and I needed to get help. So in my case he agreed with the diagnosis, and has been a supportive ex, understanding that I can't help being the way I am.

I wish you all the best, and hope you can get counseling on this issue, being under so much stress, with a husband who is not being supportive of your problems. If he's willing to go to counseling with you, that might help him to understand better, and get past this stage of trying to simply dismiss your issues.

I hope your husband comes around. If I were you, I would have a heart-to-heart about how much his opinion hurts. Maybe write it down if it's easier. Then, make a point of pointing out some of your autistic traits in day-to-day life, as they come up.

My husband tried to be 'too cool' about mine at first. In his attempt to prove that it didn't matter to him and he loved me either way, he responded to my announcement with a calm acceptance. Then, he got on with his life. Meanwhile, I was going through extreme inner turmoil but felt like I couldn't talk about it because his 'Yeah, maybe. Oh well!' attitude felt like it had stopped the conversation in its tracks.

It took me longer than it should have, to make it clear to him that I needed more than that. When I had that conversation, he admitted that he didn't want to get too far into autism before I was diagnosed officially, because it seemed silly wasting time on something that I might not have. Once I explained that 'wasting time on something I didn't have' was helping me enormously, because I was learning about myself, he embraced it 100% and worked with me.

Once I was diagnosed, he was even better. He became my advocate, helped me with accommodations and also provided a lot of support during first couple of months post-diagnosis, when I was dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions.

I hope your husband moves into this. He may just need time.

I would go along and talk to the psychiatrist or psychologist about your problems and how much they impact you. You could have asked your husband about AS and ask for his opinion and how he feels about it and if he thinks it fits you. But if he still thinks all your problems are normal and part of being human, then you might feel crazy even more.

Also an interesting thing I have read it that some people will purposely say they have a disorder to get reassurance there is nothing wrong with them so he could be doing just that for you. But sometimes people are being sincere when they say they might have this or that and other people think they are just wanting reassurance they are normal.

SunnyBunny10: Trust yourself. I think there's a good chance you're on the spectrum based on what you've described of your experiences and symptoms in your previous posts. You sound so much like me and I have been officially diagnosed with Asperger's. Given your husband's doubt and your distress and confusion, I think you should get an assessment done as soon as you can. I can't add any more to what others have said in this thread, particularly Ashariel and ArielsSong. Good luck and please keep us updated.

Do any of you just pretend nothing is going on? I feel like maybe I should just forget about this and go on as I have my whole life acting like none of this bothers me. I've made it this long I guess with the exception of anxiety and some bouts of depression... I think part of the problem is according to some other tests I just took, I'm right on the borderline. I "have Aspie traits and NT traits", my AQ was 33, my eye test was an 18 and caused panic, yet my friendship and empathy quotients are normal. So I convince myself I'm NT (maybe I am?) and act like it. Maybe I should just move on.

Based on my experiences, I would choose a middle way.

Your researches have identified some traits, they have raised the possibility of being on the Autistic spectrum.

After I had first found my suspicions, I found it very useful to allow this to lie in the background for two years or so.

It was useful to do some periodic digging back in memories.

I ran some detailed stuff past people who knew me well and who were trustworthy

I did my researches, taking in the following broad areas :
First person testimony from people who are autistic - on You tube videos, TED talks, speakers such as Temple Grandin.
Lectures by people with recognised experience or qualifications in the field, for example lectures and conference presentations put on line by the UK's National Autistic Society, The Tuke Centre of The Retreat, York (probably the longest established mental health institution in the UK, founded in teh 18th century), Shefile Autism research labs (SHARL), they have put up informative presentations on how autism presentls in women, including some in depth firt person accounts.
Joining the National Autistic Society as a supporter.
Atteding an anual general meeting of the society

I had the fortunate experience of being able to spend a short time in Autisic friendly space at the "Autscape" conference last summer. I understand the US as the equivalent "Autreat" conference which was the inspiration fo "autscape".

I found it useful to keep an ear open for, to take an example, taing a conversation off into detail / great detail on subjects where I had knowledge or interest.

I found it useful to explore alternative explainations for traits I observed, for example if the social blind spots etc came from having not had suffieicent practice as a result of an upbringing which in hindsight looks a little sheltered,

I chose to refrain from saying "self Diagnosed" , not having any training to make diagnosis and being a little too close to the situation to be objective. I found "A Suspicion" a useful phrase,

One reason I tempered my view was that for whatever reason I seemed to have winged things well enough to keep employedf and eventuyally find a way int relationship (non standard) which worked out long term low stress for all parties, and research quickly informed me that perhaps 90% of adults on the spectrum found great difficulty finding or keeping employment, were sometime vulnerable to relationships which turnedf into high stress or were manipulative or exploitative.

So I allowed things to sit in the background for a year or so and noted quitely times traits seems to come to the fore.
I allowed time to review my personal history, gradually building up information for an "Evidence" file to use if I did deceide to seek an assessment

It does sound like you're right on the border, and you're one of those people who can pass for 'normal', with a tremendous amount of effort and stress involved. Many WP members fall in that category (with or without professional diagnoses) - so you're not alone!

I think it's normal to 'waffle' on major life decisions like this. Maybe it would help to try to envision the outcome of (a) getting officially diagnosed; (b) quietly suspecting Aspergers, and learning how to cope with it, but staying 'in the closet'; and (c) choosing to think of yourself as 'normal', and getting on with your life.

I really feel for people who are on the border. I belonged to that category most of my life, until the day finally came when I just couldn't pretend anymore, and it all came crashing down. But I hope you can manage to hold it together, and please know there are many here on WP who understand what it's like!

If you can do that, fantastic. But, I suspect you'll find that a screen has been lifted and there's no going back. You can't return to a time when you were unaware. And you deserve answers and support, if you want them, so you shouldn't have to.

You could just have traits, you could just have anxiety and depression, I don't know. It still doesn't hurt to get checked out but if you were told you have at least some AS traits, that would be a good enough diagnoses right because you still have an explanation for your problems. And to answer your question, yes people have pretended they had nothing going on because AS wasn't known then or because they didn't know about it then so they had just accepted they are just different and weird and not like everyone else.

Also what exactly are NT traits? I don't think anyone is 100 percent aspie because we're all human. Plus aspies can learn NT traits if it means understanding basic things like facial expressions and feelings and if they are flexible and not always upset with change and if they learn social cues and gestures an learn social rules is that is what they mean by NT traits.

Yes, once the suspicion hsa been planted it becomes hard to unsuspect.
The time once a spsuicion has taken root can prove valuable for gently gathering evidence and eliminating other possibilities.
Sometimes just having the suspicion can give useful insights when working through certain difficult situations. i found it a spur to going into social situations i knew were difficult ones with a simple plan or two to help me manage them.