I'm Not a Rapist/Stalker/Creeper!

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Once upon a time, I was not afraid to be myself or to be seen in public. But because I'm an autistic male and have a more difficult time socializing, people are eager to label me as a creep, stalker, rapist, pervert, etc. Most of the time I just keep to myself and don't bother anyone, but that's apparently not good enough. If I accidentally stare at a woman for a couple seconds too long, I'm a creep, so I try to avoid eye contact entirely and treat women like gorgons who will turn me to stone if I look at them. If I'm walking from point A and point B and a woman happens to be walking in front of me, I'm a creep, so I try to take a different path as difficult as it can be sometimes. God forbid I be seen in public. All autistic men should be forced to stay inside at all times.

I am so sorry that someone called you a creep. I had a similar thing happen to me recently. I was waiting in line at a theme park and some people came in line behind me. I happened to stare at a young female behind me for a couple of seconds. I was just curious who was behind me. Then, I overhear them talk behind me. She asks one of her friends why I stared at her. At that point, I overheard a guy she was with say that he saw me stare. He went on to say that it was creepy the way that I stared at her. He used the word creepy a couple of more times. It really hurt because I always try to be nice to people and never want to creep anybody out. I was not sure if my stare had anything to due with my Autism/Aspergers or if it was just a coincidence. It also hurt my self esteem because I never realized that I may appear as different in public as I do. Anyway, hang in there and realize that it does happen to other people also.

I get suspicious of any male that stares at me. Since before I even reached puberty I've feared being stalked or sexually harassed/assaulted if I left the house. Being sexually harassed and stalked is so common for females that most are always on guard. We can ignore the harassment, but even then we risk retaliation for ignoring or denying advances. So I stay clear if I see someone staring. I don't immediately think they're a creep, but I stay on guard just incase.

I'm always really overly aware of people around me. I get bad "sidewalk stalker syndrome", as I'm tall and walk fast, but I'll happily cross over the road just to overtake someone comfortably without them thinking that I'm about to jump them. It's kind of a game now to cross the road, walk ahead then cross back over.

Face to face in a shop or wherever, I don't make eye contact with anyone I'm not engaged in conversation with. I'm weird about eye contact anyway. I can feel myself begin to empathise with the person I'm talking to and have to have regular look-away breaks to format my brain.

I think it has a lot to do with the current "all men are potential rapists" attitude in third-wave feminism. Autistic men have always been singled out as weirdos but the "rapist" label is fairly recent.

Humans have an instinct to distrust other humans who seem a little odd (uncanny valley etc.). This is a self-preservation mechanism, because strange behaviour can be an indicator that another human is preparing to do something dangerous or harmful (including murder or assault). Something in your behaviour was obviously perceived as abnormal by those who accuse you of being a rapist/stalker/creeper, causing them to mistrust you. Often this mistrust is unfounded, but it is beneficial from a survival point of view to be constantly mistrustful than overly complacent.

Basicly.

I'm female, and I may not be mistaken for a creep or a stalker, I still get viewed as a freak. I often feel judged by people, particularly other females. They often stare prolonged, with an unfriendly expression, like they're thinking "who let that out of the isolation unit?", like I'm so, so weird. It's like my vibes are so strong, that nothing can stop them. No matter how much I look and act normal, how well-groomed I look, how stylish I dress, how upright I walk, I still get treated like I'm an unkempt, crazy-looking mental patient, talking loudly to myself and dramatically avoiding the cracks in the pavements or something. I do NOTHING of the kind. I am a self-aware person who's good at masking my AS, and I wear the latest fashion (what other young women my age wear), have a trendy purse over my shoulder, and always look presentable and well-groomed, and I am independant, street-smart, and just walk along like a normal person. So my vibes must be so strong that people concentrate so hard on unacceptable weird things I'm NOT doing, instead of just thinking "well, she's nicely dressed, acting normal and not a threat to our social standards, there's not a lot of things to judge her about", but no, they have to gawp at me, make me feel self-conscious, make me feel like I'm a bad person, make me feel like becoming a hermit, all because of what? I mean I've seen people look funny in the clothes they're wearing or walk in a funny way but I don't see people staring at them because they are just minor things what don't cause them to have to feel threatened by it. God!

Sorry, rant over.

People do not move away from me, in fact I often have strangers standing right in my personal space, like I'm invisible. Usually I'm the first passenger to be sat next to by a stranger on the bus.

But knowing I make people stare without even doing anything does make me feel agoraphobic. Sometimes on my day off I don't go out the house because I can't stand to be judged. I have social phobia.

A colleague of mine is working on an article about how neurodiverse people and neurotypical people use different non verbal signals when flirting. He says that misunderstandings in these different cues can come off by either party as creepy. So autistics just being themselves look to NTs like they're stalking them and neurotypicals being themselves also look like they are stalking autistics. Just in different ways.

As a NT female I can attest that there is a difference in how autistic males versus NT males try to flirt. I am married so I simply ignore both, but occasionally it still happens to me as I run errands without my husband a lot. Autistics will make eye contact and make an effort to show me a friendly smile. Like a very clear "I am a friendly guy" type of thing. A NT male will do more of a darting look, more of a darting smile, and then if he can, drop information that he thinks might interest me, such as, "I'm just taking a break here at the gym. Usually I'm an extreme rock climber." Both will leave you alone once you have ignored them and both will continue to bother you if you make the mistake of showing any kind of niceness. If you directly say anything like, "I'm married" either sort will get embarrassed and get mean.

If somebody would say they are married, I would respect that. Why would somebody get "mean" about that?

Your Ok. Just dont stare at people too long. They don't like it and Im not sure they understand it

Sunglasses. That is all.