Acquaintance vs. friends

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I have a question. Do you want friends who you can talk to and be close with? Or, are you socially satisfied with people waving to you and having acquaintances?

I have found myself happy just having acquaintances, except for my parents and family, who I like being close to. It is nice when someone just says "hi" a lot to you, but you don't really know them.

I also find I tend to keep people at arms length. I do it inadvertently, and I kind of like not having any real friends. It is too much work to have friends. I'd rather be a loner.

Can anyone relate?

<--- Can relate. Has acquaintances but no friends. Why? Because he's difficult to get along with, that's why.

I prefer close friends.

Yup....acquaintances, can handle some, but for a real friend. I only need one...

I'd rather have one or two very close friends and pretty much no acquaintances. Because quality and depth is far, far better than quantity of a shallow nature.

And also because these randomly bumped into acquaintances kind of force social interaction when I least need or expect it, whereas if you only have a couple of people you are real friends with, all interaction with them is usually arranged and desired, rather than an accident when you just want to be left alone.

There's control with a real, close friendship. There's no control over running into tons of people who know you in a casual manner.

I have TONS of "hi and waving or chatting" acquaintances but not one of those people would be there for me in a life crisis, would help me move -- or give me a place to stay, come to that -- or rush to the hospital to be my official next of kin. Or even talk to me about real things. None of them have much in common with me either, meaning that ALL my conversations in my life are strained and unnatural ones because I'm not actually talking to anyone who gets me.

I'd give up all these shallow "hi and bye" things in my life for not knowing anyone on sight but having a close friend who would be there for me even if I needed them at 3am.

Well, BirdInFlight,

If only we lived closer. We appear to be pretty much on the same wavelength when it comes to friends.

The only thing is the "control" part ... a friend you could call at 3:00 AM just might end up needing your help and calling you at 3:00 AM unannounced and not under your control ... But it seems to me that with such a good and true friend, love and caring come before control, such that control is easily and willingly sacrificed for the good of the other.

I once had a friend like this whom I lost to heart disease, and in fact she did call me in the middle of the night because she'd been taken to the hospital. We also lived very far apart, but at least in the same country. While I could not be there in person, I was able to support her any other possible way ... and she always did what she was able to for me. It wasn't a chore at all, it was an honor.

Now I have been blessed with another close friend, who I am able to visit once in awhile.

These types of friendships are like gold. Precious, and just as rare.

Both of them have been artists, and so am I ... I think that's telling me something. That's who I tend to connect with. That, and we share(d) the same religious beliefs, and I suspect both of being on the autism spectrum.

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@the_phoenix, vis a vis being willing to be called at 3am also -- yes, if it's a close friend you care about, that's the kind of control I don't mind sacrificing.

I totally agree with, this type of beloved and close friend is worth gold, and worth sacrifice.

The "control" I meant was more to do with the fact that in normal life, your time together is usually by mutual agreement, even if it might be very regular -- or not regular at all, still it's chosen -- and cherished.

The lack of control I don't like in casual acquaintances is the type where you leave your home on a mission to do something, go somewhere, involve yourself with something else -- which then gets hijacked by unexpected encounters you didn't choose, hadn't expected, didn't arrange, and if there are enough of these, it amounts to actually a lot of your time being taken from you.

I have a special interest that has to take place outdoors and constantly gets waylaid by this stuff. It's become quite the issue in my life.

I would swap the unexpected nature of these chats with people I don't feel even particularly at ease with, for the unexpected hospital call from a dear friend I do very much feel at ease with, in a heartbeat! Agree with everything you said.

Yeah, I think it would be nice to have a close friend. However, right now, I consider my mom my best friend. But I prefer to keep people at arms length.

But, come to think of it, I'd rather have one good friend than 50 mediocre friends. But, I prefer most people to not interact with me. If it is an attractive woman interacting with me, that is one thing. But when people try to befriend me, and want me to hang out, I find that scary, and I tend to question their motives.

But, having one good friend would be nice. When my mom is gone, I'd prefer to have a wife as my best friend.

Yes, BirdInFlight,

I see what you're saying about the unexpected encounters outdoors when you had other things planned.

Depending on how the encounters go, and how important my errand or outdoor activity was, would determine either my willingness to stay and be sociable, or my eagerness to get away. I could see myself going either direction.

And even planned encounters are worth thinking about. Because the ironic thing about my new close friend is that I had joined a club in particular because I was looking to make friends ... and it turns out that she's not even a member of the club, but I met her because I had joined the club! (Long, weird story ...) Meanwhile, the club members are more like acquaintances who don't seem interested in progressing to friendship, so I'm wondering if it's worth my time attending their meetings anymore, even if I do share their common interest.

And now, you've gotten me curious ... May I ask what your special interest is that you absolutely must be outside for?

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All I want are close friends.

I'm the opposite. I would prefer to have close friends. I don't care for small talk and the "hi, bye" nonsense. I would rather have a deep connection and someone I can turn to when life gets rough, you know, someone who actually cares.

I found it easier to have one or two close friends, I can learn appropriate social interactions in a comfortable setting. Acquaintances are nice to have and I am happy to say I have a large number of them but I can't fully relax with them regardless of setting.

I think acquaintances are better because at least they are easier to make and have and you don't have to maintain them. I have my husband and my children and my family and inlaws so that is good enough for me.

I seem better at making acquaintances than friends, although I'd rather have friends.

Yeah, with acquaintances I feel like I have to be "on" and acting. It feels so forced, superficial and stressful. With friends, I can relax and be myself because they know me like that. Actual friends are hard to come by, so I really appreciate the one I have and wouldn't mind having more.

I've always been in my own head too much to really want friends except I wouldn't mind having one or two close friends. I really have only one friend besides my girlfriend but I only see him 1ce a year sense I moved across the country to be with my girlfriend. We do text occasionally thou. I don't really have acquaintances either thou cuz i don't get out much.